Long lost & gone
by 0123Hope
Summary: Preparing for her wedding to Stefan Salvatore, Elena Gilbert still feels the loss of someone who died 5 years ago. But is he really gone?
1. Chapter 1

_In my dreams_  
><em>I'll always see you soar<em>  
><em>Above the sky<em>  
><em>In my heart<em>  
><em>There will always be a place<em>  
><em>For you for all my life<em>  
><em>I'll keep a part<em>  
><em>Of you with me<em>  
><em>And everywhere I am<em>  
><em>There you'll be<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Long lost &amp; gone<strong>

Chapter 1

"We're perfect."

_She's looking into the mirror, the one hanging in the hallway of the boardinghouse._

_ Feeling a hard body pressed against her back, a chin resting on her shoulder, her arms __wrapped around herself, her fingers stroking the masculine hand, enjoying the feeling of the arms around her waist pulling her into the chest behind her, their bodies fitting perfectly like they were made to collide, they were made to be one._

_ "Yes we are." she whispers and turns around. Brown eyes locking with ocean blue._

_ They were perfect. Indeed, they **were**._

She was standing in the same house, in front of the same mirror, the same position and yet, everything felt different. The chin didn't fit perfectly into the crook of her neck, she couldn't feel the muscles in his chest pressing against her back and the arms weren't as strongly wrapped around her, but worst of all she didn't dare to open her eyes because she knew the sight would be so different.

"Mmmhh" she takes a deep breath and opens her eyes, locking with the green ones in the mirror. She can't give him the same answer like 5 years ago because she doesn't like lying to him.

There was a horn outside.

"That's my cue, Alaric and Jeremy are picking me up to go try on some suits, it's probably best if Bonnie is coming over with your dress, we don't want any bad luck, do we?" Stefan smiled

She turns around and looks at him " No we don't " she manages to put a faint smile on her face and gives him a quick peck on his cheek "Have fun."

"See you tonight." Stefan walks out of the door and she collapses on the floor, head and back against the wall, she wraps her arms around her knees and pulls them to her chest. This is what happens every time Stefan walks out the door, he's the one holding her together...or that is what she likes to think. The truth is, she is a puzzle, a puzzle that can never be solved because there are too many pieces, a puzzle that can never be solved because the most important piece is missing. And there isn't any chance she will find that piece again, it's impossible cause it isn't just missing, it's dead, **he** is dead.

* * *

><p>"Elena? Elena? Sweetie?" Bonnie walks into the door and carries a black garment bag.<p>

"Just a sec, I'll be right there" she tries to wipe the tears away and fix her mascara before she walks out of the kitchen.

"Hi Bonnie, I see you brought the dress, let's go upstairs and try to put it on" she tries to be enthusiastic about it so Bonnie won't pay too much attention, her maid of honor is more excited about this wedding than the bride herself. But she can't fool her, Bonnie has known her too long.

"What were you doing in the kitchen?" she asks, looking at her with those judgy little eyes.

_"Why can't you be nice to Bonnie, she's been my best friend for years" she looks up at him and feels her heartbeat increase when he looks down at her._

_ "I'm not nice to anyone so why make an exception?" he shrugs and she snuggles deeper into his chest. They had been lying on his bed for ages, they were naked and enjoying the feeling of their skins touching. _

_"You're not mean to everyone, you can be sweet if you want to, you're nice to me." she contradicts, kissing his neck and looking up at his face._

_ He stops stroking her hair, something he had been doing the whole time " Wanna rephrase that?" he asks with his infamous smirk._

_ She kisses his neck again and makes her way down to his collarbone before stopping and lifting her head back up, he's still looking at her "No-pe" she makes the 'p' pop, something he had done a thousand times before her._

_ Suddenly she's on her back, he's on top of her and straddling her waist, vampire speed, you can never compete with that. He starts tickling her ribs and she starts laughing and squirming beneath him, she can't get lose. "Tell me I'm not nice" he insists. _

_ "But you are!" he starts to tickle her faster, using his vamp speed, she starts screaming but he doesn't let her go so easily. He starts tickling her knees, her back, her feet, he's everywhere, he knows all of her weak spots, he knows her so well it scares her sometimes. _

_ "Am I still nice ?" he stops tickling her but is still straddling her waist while she tries to catch her breath _

_ "N...N...Noo..you're not nice." she barely manages to get it out, her breathing is still heavy. _

_ He locks their gazes before answering her question."I don't like her because she's always looking at me with those judgy little eyes___**." **__

" Making tea, would you like a cup?" she hopes Bonnie would let it go, but it's not in her nature to, she's always worrying, always so protective of her.

" I know you're lying and I can see you've been crying, are you going to tell me what's going on?" she folds her arms over her chest and keeps looking at the bride-to-be like she committed a crime. Well, she did and Bonnie knows it but that was a long time ago.

"I'm just nervous about the whole wedding thing, we still have to find a florist, a caterer, find a priest, the wedding is in three months, we're never going to make it !" she looks at Bonnie and sees the accusing look trade for a look of worrying.

" And you still have to send the invitations !" she exclaims.

" I know!" she yells and takes a deep breath, she sighs. To Bonnie it would look like a sigh of irritation but actually it was a sigh of relief.

That's when Caroline walks in. " Hi girls !, I brought the bridesmaids dresses with me. God, the boutique was packed, it's like everyone is marrying at the same time ! I had to wait in line for forty-five minutes behind a woman who smelled like horse shit and rotten eggs at the same time ! Can you believe that ? Even if it is possible to smell like the backside of a horse it is just not possible to smell like rotten eggs too. She was probably picking up someone else's dress because no man is blind, deaf or ugly enough to marry that woman and on top of that he should have lost his sense of smell, there isn't anyone out there who has all these specifics."

She just kept rattling and her friends were patiently waiting for her to finish. They had been friends since kindergarten they knew each other better than anyone else so they would just wait until Caroline was finished to fit their dresses and tell one another how beautiful they looked.

"... But anyhow I got the dresses!" Caroline went silent and looked at her two best friends, they just stood there for a few seconds before they were rolling over the ground with laughter. After a few minutes, Bonnie stood up and pulled them up by taking their hands. "Come on let's go upstairs and fit our dresses."

* * *

><p>I love Stefan, this is right, after 6 years of dating it's normal to get married, start a family, build a house together.<p>

But..

She knew she was never going to have a family besides to one she already had. There weren't going to be children, Stefan was changing her into a vampire after the wedding, she would never feel a baby in her belly growing and kicking, she wouldn't get old in the house they'd build together because they would have to move every few years so people wouldn't notice that they weren't ageing.

"Elena, you look beautiful, beautiful isn't even a word to describe it right." Bonnie's voice snapped her out of her trance. She was now standing in a white silk dress and Bonnie liked it better than she did. She went on" You're going to look so beautiful next to Stefan, you two are the perfect couple, made for each other. You're going to have a great and happy life with the man you love, I'm so jealous !"

" Bonnie, all those things are going to happen to you too. You and Jeremy are great together, I always thought you would be married before me." she steps down on the floor and hugs Bonnie tight. And whispers softly in her ear "Don't worry, there is no reason to be jealous."

She couldn't tell her best friend that she was wrong, that she had never been more wrong. She and Stefan weren't made for each other, she lost the one she was made for 5 years ago. She couldn't tell her that she wasn't going to live happy ever after without **him**. Because she wouldn't understand, she wouldn't understand that she still burned for a vampire that had took so many lives, that she still ached for the feeling of this touch, that she had switched to the other side of the bed because it was his side. She couldn't tell her that she didn't let Stefan clean out his closet because she would still wear his clothes when no one was around just to smell him. She couldn't tell her best friend that she only married Stefan for one reason and one reason only, because he was the closest thing to **him**.


	2. Chapter 2

_So lately, been wondering_

_Who will be there to take my place_

_When i'm gone, you'll need love_

_To light the shadows on your face_

_If a great wave shall fall_

_It would fall upon us all_

_And between the sand and stone_

_Could you make it on your own?_

* * *

><p><strong>Long lost &amp; gone<strong>

Chapter 2

There were 8 bodies sitting in the living room of the boardinghouse. Stefan and Elena had invited their friends and family for a dinner party. They were having a great evening, probably because everybody was drunk, some of them weren't even just drunk anymore, they were wasted.

Elena couldn't remember who suggested playing this game but she guessed it was Caroline. So now they were going to play drink or disclose, after a lot of stubbornness she had convinced her guests she wouldn't play strip or disclose with her aunt and brother in the room.

When Elena brought back the extra booze from the kitchen in the room, the girls team was sitting on the floor, Bonnie lay on her stomach, her chin resting on a pillow, Jenna was still dancing and singing thanks to the booze, but they would get her on the floor eventually.. and Caroline was writing down questions for the boys who were sitting with the four of them on the big couch, Tyler and Jeremy looked way more comfortable than Stefan and Alaric.

" Girls first " Caroline giggled. " How old were you the first time you stuck your penis in a girl?" she had tears in her eyes now and was rolling over the floor in pleasure, she had way too much to drink. The rest of the girls laughed with her when they saw the faces of the men drop.

"Well, come on ! Take a shot or tell us." Bonnie was desperate to hear their answers, Jenna had finally settled herself with them on the carpet a wide smile on her face "Just answer Ricie.. I already know your story." her smile got even wider.

Alaric was the first to answer "You know four years ago.. more than half of this room was sitting in my class being good students and know they are asking me dirty questions."

"Just answer the damn question Ric !" Oh-oh Jenna was getting mad.

Alaric's eyes blinked "Okay... so I was 21, it took me a while to get there I was a late bloomer."

"No you weren't" Jenna pointed her finger at him " I've seen the pictures in your yearbook, you weren't a late bloomer, you were ugly. God, I'm glad you passed that phase." Jenna decided with a sigh. Alaric's face just got red.

The rest of the boys were easier with their answers.

Tyler looked at his lap and just muttered "15, it was one of my mom's friends I really don't wanna talk about it, very bad experience. I couldn't watch desperate housewives for months."

Jeremy looked at Bonnie and admitted "16."

Stefan just laughed " Well, it's a long time ago. It was in 1864 but you could say I was 17." Everybody chuckled with him.

The boys asked their question and the girls answered or took a shot, Elena took a lot of shots...their game was getting more and more serious, the questions were deeper and harder to answer. Nobody seemed to have trouble with it because of their drunk state but she figured they would regret it in the morning but for now she just went along for the ride like the rest of them.

And then it was Stefan's turn " Who would you kill for?"

All the girls answered their partners name, looking at them and smiling. Except for Elena she was sober at once cause she couldn't tell them the name that entered her thoughts the second the question was asked, but she knew it was true she would kill for him, her sick twisted mind would kill everyone in this room if it would bring him back to her

"Elena?" her head snapped up. "Yes, Stefan?" Stefan stared at her, worried. " Who would you kill for?" he repeated his question an pursed his lips, waiting for an answer, she sighed "I would kill for each one of you, you're my friends, no, my family, I wouldn't let anyone hurt either of you guys." they all looked at her and there was a minute of silence before Tyler dropped his glass and it shattered all over the carpet.

Everyone jumped at the sound. " Elena, I'm so sorry, it just slipped..." Tyler started apologizing but she cut him off. " It's okay Tyler, really it just some stupid glass. At least it was empty so it wouldn't leave any stains. We'll clean it up" she headed back to the kitchen and came back with a broom. They all helped collecting the pieces and were done in no time.

" Let's go back to drinking" Jeremy suggested laughing, the whole atmosphere in the room lit up when everybody joined his mood. Stefan started to fill all their glasses till he came to Tyler, he lifted his hands up "I need a new one." he started to move to the liquor bar reaching for the single glass standing on it. Elena realized what he was going to do and jumped off the couch "NO! Put it back down ! Now !" she was screaming and everyone in the room was looking at her again. Tyler stood frozen with the glass in his hand, she grabbed it and put it back at the exact same spot. " That glass is dirty, I'll get you a clean one from the kitchen." she tries to fix the damage but it was already done, they were all staring at her like she was crazy and about to kill each of them. "No it's okay Elena, I'm going to call it a night. It's getting late anyway." Tyler pulled his jacket from the chair and pulled it on.

" We're also going home, Ric has essays to correct and I'll probably have a hangover till sunset." Jenna gave her a hug and Ric just nodded goodbye. Bonnie and Jeremy drove with them and Caroline stayed at the house, her mom was on a holiday and she didn't want to be alone so they invited her to stay at the boardinghouse.

Stefan went out hunting after everyone had left. Caroline helped her clean up the living room and do the dishes. They were sitting in front of the fireplace, lost in thoughts. Elena couldn't believe how she reacted to Tyler, he didn't do anything wrong, she stared at the glass on the liquor table, standing back where it belonged. Caroline looked at her and followed her gaze "You loved him didn't you?" her voice broke Elena out of her own thoughts. "Loved who?" she tries to pretend she doesn't know what her friend is talking about, but she knows all too well who she means. "You know who, don't try to deny it. Everyone knows you've changed since the fight with Klaus. They all think it's because you feel guilty for letting John and Lucy die that night to safe you. But they don't know what I know, they didn't see what I saw." her eyes are boring into Elena's.

"And what do you know, what did you see?" Elena crosses her arms, trying to ease the pain in her chest by grabbing it tight.

Caroline looks at her arms and closes her eyes, she takes a deep breath and when she opens them again, all Elena can see is compassion. "I know that glass hasn't moved an inch since he last put it there five years ago. I know that because I saw it, I saw him put it there. I saw you."

__" Don't go, stay here with me, take me to Georgia, we'll deal with this later" she looks in his eyes and tears start to form in hers. "He would keep on chasing us, we would never be free, this is our best shot." he whispers the words in the small space between them.__

_ _ Their foreheads are pressed against each other, their bodies are glued to one another. "Besides once this thing is over you and I can travel the world together, we wouldn't have to sneak around behind Stefan's back, worrying he'll turn Mystic Falls in a snackbar. We wouldn't have to hide in the shadows or stay between the four walls of our bedrooms as much as I like being in the bedroom with you, I want people to know you're mine, that I have the right to rip their heart out when they try to hurt you. They have to know that I don't want to live this damned life without you. That I can't live it without you."__

__ She holds him even tighter and tries to push his body into hers, burying him and keeping him inside her heart so no one can touch him, so no one can take him away from her.__

__ She tries.. but she can't, things don't work that way. She can't protect him cause she's just human. She knows tonight there are going to be hands all over him, bodies pressed against his, fingers around his neck.. because that is how vampires fight and tonight promised to be a hell of a fight. __

__ He kisses her forehead, her eyes, her nose, every piece of skin he can reach before he launches himself at her lips. This isn't a gentle, sweet kiss, it's a kiss filled with passion, need, want and most of all desperation. She parts her lips giving him access, taking as much as possible of him in her, still trying to push him into her heart to keep him, to carry him, to hold him, to love him.."I have to go, they'll be waiting for me if I don't go Stefan will come looking for me." She opens her eyes to find his closed. __

__ " I don't care, as long as you're here in my arms I know you're safe, I know you're still with me." she starts to brush away the pieces of hair on his forehead, reaching on tiptoes, she starts to place kisses on it. She feels him pulling away, walking to the door, she wants to run to him, begging him to stay, ask him if he could try to melt in her, asking if they could just try to get him there so he would be safe, so she could keep him forever. But she can't speak, she's frozen, the only movement are the tears running from her eyes over her cheeks. __

__ He pulls the door open and her heart stops. He takes his first step trough it and she stops breathing. Every step he takes her vision becomes more blurry, the breaths she tries to take become heavier. She hears the door fall back in the lock and she drops to her knees, head in her hands, screaming but no words, just an awful sound that fills the room. It's the sound of someone who's being tortured.__

__ She can only whisper one thing "Come back to me."__

"Why were you here?" her voice sounded exhausted and she couldn't look Caroline in the eyes.

"Stefan sent me to see what took him so long." Caroline didn't like having this conversation but she knew she had too, she had to know what her friend was thinking, she had to know what had been going on between her and her fiance's brother.

She couldn't talk but she had to because she had to know "Did you tell him?" she's still looking at her knees, arms still wrapped around her chest, trying desperately to hold herself together.

"No, of course not." Caroline was looking at her when she looked up "I couldn't tell him, it wasn't my place to tell. I thought that maybe you had made a mistake, that after the fight you would run into Stefan's arms and realize how stupid you had been. God, I hoped you would. But after the fight when we took you home and you saw everyone for the first time that day, you didn't even look at Stefan, it was like you didn't notice he was there, you didn't notice any of us, you just kept staring at the door like you were waiting for someone to walk in. Stefan told me you were in shock, that you would be fine, that you just needed time to process everything what happened that day but you only got worse, you didn't eat, didn't sleep, didn't talk to anyone not even me and Bonnie. That's when I figured it out, you were still waiting for that door to open, revealing the only person you desperately needed to walk trough it. He left you and broke you and never came back to pick up the pieces."

"Why did he leave me?" tears were rolling over her cheeks, she holds herself tighter, trying to stop her aching heart. She had gotten used to the empty feeling in her chest but she still couldn't handle the pain that came with it.

" I don't know sweetie" Caroline stood up and took a seat next to her, she wrapped her arms around her and held her for what seemed like hours.

* * *

><p>She was still sitting in the parlor after Caroline went to bed, she hears the door unlock but doesn't move she knows what he's going to say, he says it every time he comes back from hunting and she already knows it's the wrong voice saying it.<p>

" Elena, I'm home !"

__"Honee-eey, I'm hooo-oome !" he walks into the hallway, dropping his bags on the floor.__

__ Before he can pull his jacket off there's a girl running his way, full speed, like a five- year-old who's daddy is coming home with ice cream, her smile so width he wonders how it doesn't hurt her cheeks, he catches her when she jumps on him, her legs around his waist and still the same smile on her face, he's gazing at her, they're gazing at each other.__

__ She brings her lips to his and starts their dance, their tongues are fighting, their fingers are clawing on the fabric of their shirts, their breaths are quick because they can't stop this. He moves them, her back slamming into the wall, she didn't even feel the pain, all she could feel was his mouth on her skin, placing kisses along her neck, her hands grabbing his raven black hair, his warm breath against the skin of her neck, it makes her shiver. She had missed this so much, he had been gone 3 days for council business but two hours after he left, it had taken all of her self-control not to grab her car keys and drive after him.__

__ "I've missed you." she manages to get it out between breaths. He starts back nibbling on her lower-lip "You just missed having hot secret sex with the dark mysterious guy, I'm sure the bunny eater couldn't keep you satisfied for two seconds." he lifts his head up and catches her gaze, rage in his eyes, sorrow in hers. She hates it, she hates that he's right, she hates that she needs him so much, she hates that she loves the wrong one, she knows that she should love the good brother, that he should be the one she's running to, he should be the one catching her and make her feel whole again, he's the one that should be the one, but he isn't.__

__ She looks down at the ocean of blue, cupping his face in her hands, bringing her head to his, trailing soft patterns on his face with her nose, kissing him softly and trailing her hands over his body, stopping at the hem of his shirt and pulling it up, she does the same with hers while he keeps her up against the wall, he's looking at her with that look that tells her that he needs to be with her, he needs to be close to her, the closest he can get and he only knows one way to get there. So she pushes her hair to one side and places her head in the crook of his neck, he looks at her and she nods, she knows exactly what he's going to do and she wants him to, at this moment she doesn't want anything more than feeling him close to her, the closest they can get. She feels his fangs piercing the skin of her neck and gasps in pleasure. He's home, she is ____**home**____.__


	3. Chapter 3

_I dreamed I was missing_  
><em>You were so scared<em>  
><em>But no one would listen<em>  
><em>'Cause no one else cared<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Long lost &amp; gone<strong>

Chapter 3

Elena was lying in bed, there was an arm wrapped around her waist and she didn't dare to move, afraid to wake him up. She had succesfully refused him last night, saying she was tired and wanted to go to bed, she hated giving herself to him because she knew she didn't belong to him, her body knew, every nerve in her body refused responding to him. Secretly she was glad about that because it proved that everyone was wrong, her family and friends were wrong, they were always saying how meant to be she and Stefan were, how great their life would be together, how it was true love. But every time Stefan touched her, her body proved that they were wrong, he couldn't make her body tingle like he could, he didn't touch every nerve in her body when they made love, he didn't make her feel whole.

She felt the body behind her stirring, he started massaging her breast, putting kisses on the back of her neck and moaning loudly against it. He turned her around and kissed her forcefully, she did nothing to encourage him but he was used to it, she hadn't encouraged him anymore since she started sleeping with his brother. She didn't feel the need to because he couldn't satisfy her like he could and after he was gone her body still craved sex, but when she and Stefan had it, her body only started craving more because it knew what it could get, her body missed the other hard body that made it scream, made it shiver, made it tremble with satisfaction.

He got on top of her and she spread her legs, she wanted it done with. He was inside of her in two seconds and started moving, his head next to hers, their cheeks scrubbing against each other. He was moaning so loud, it annoyed her. There was a time when she would have done anything to make a man moan so loud but then, he wasn't that man, she would just have to pretend he was to get trough this.

So when he lifted his head back up and locked his gaze with hers, all she could see were the ocean blue eyes, the black wild hair shining in the sunlight that came trough the curtains. She saw his strong jawline and started kissing it fiercely, putting her legs around his waist so she could get him deeper. Maybe she was still trying to do what she wanted too five years ago, pulling him inside her so he could never get out, so he would always be with her, so he could never leave her again. Tears started forming in her eyes and he stopped moving, looking at her "Lena, why are you crying?" his blue eyes were full of concern, but he didn't need to be worried, she gave him a smile "Because no matter where you went, who you met, how many troubles you caused, and how many pain you've brought me. I love you, I'll always love you. Because I'd rather experience all the pain in the world with you than stay behind and not feel anything."

"You don't have to worry, we are Stefan and Elena, we are meant for one another." That's when her dream snapped and the ocean blue eyes were replaced with green emerald ones, she just started sobbing harder, the emptiness in her chest was back and it started aching again, it had been gone for those precious minutes and now it was back because he felt the need to speak and mutter all sort of nonsense.

" Shhh, I know you are stressed about the wedding but everything will be fine, Caroline and Bonnie are helping you, they would never let you down. You have nothing to worry about." he climaxed inside her and looked down to where they were still intertwined " See? We're perfect for each other, perfect fit."

She could only smile at him for being so naive. It was obvious he never came across a body that was a perfect fit because then he would have known that he was too tall, that his shoulder always bumped her mouth and chin, that his hands were too big to intertwine their fingers perfectly, that his hips weren't slim enough to fit perfectly into hers and his back wasn't large enough for her to hold onto. He would know that his eyes weren't blue enough, his hair wasn't black enough, his voice wasn't deep enough and his face wasn't beautiful enough to be the most beautiful man walking the Earth.

He rolled over to lie next to her. "We should talk about what happened with Tyler." he was staring at the ceiling " I know why you got so upset about him moving the glass." he moved his head to the side so he was staring at her but she didn't look at him instead she was staring at the wall behind him.

"It was nothing Stefan, I just wanted him to have a clean glass. God knows how long that one had been standing there." she forced a little smile on her face.

"You know exactly how long it's been standing there, you know exactly how long those clothes have been lying in the closet across the hall, you know exactly how long I've been trying to clean out his stuff, you know exactly how long you've been demanding me not too. I get it, he was your friend and you cared about him but he was my brother too Elena and I can let it go. He made his choice by leaving us and that choice got him dead. But it's time to move on because we are still alive, the ones that were supposed to survive are still here because they were meant to live on." Stefan's eyes were full of certainty.

"Why did you never look for him?" she had wondered about it for five years and she had to know.

"Because he may have been my brother but he wasn't important enough to look for, to waste time on, you were safe and we were together, that's all that mattered to me. I couldn't waste time looking for him when he didn't want to be found, when no one wanted him to be found."

And he didn't know how wrong he was again, Stefan was so naive because there was someone who desperately wanted him to be found, who would have done anything, go anywhere to find him. And he couldn't see it.

__ "Bonnie please, just try a locator spell so I know where to start searching." she had been begging her friend for more than an hour and she still hadn't surrenderd but neither had she. __

__ "Why is it so important for you to find him?" Bonnie didn't understand, she was so glad that the big bad vampire was gone that she couldn't see how terrible her best friend wanted him back.__

__ "Because I just need to know if he's okay, that he's alive and living somewhere out there. I just need to know if he's okay after the fight, it was pretty rough and I don't want him walking around weak, he has enough enemies who could benefit from it." she was just making this stuff up, she knew Bonnie wouldn't help her if she said she needed to find him to run to him, to tell him how much she loved him, how she couldn't live without him, how much it hurts to breath when he's not around. She couldn't say that the minute she found him she would be walking out that door without any regrets and never come back, she would run into his arms and tell him to keep her forever or kill her because she wouldn't live without someone else besides her.__

__ Bonnie was deep in thoughts when she spoke up "I won't do a locator spell.." Elena opened her mouth to protest but Bonnie silenced her by lifting her finger ",but I can do a spell that shows him to me, I'll see if he's alright and if he's not, then I'll do a locator spell."__

__ Elena knew this was the best offer she was going to get so she accepted it and went back to her house waiting for Bonnie's phone call, her witch friend had told her it could take a while and she would better wait at home.__

__ She was staring at her phone, waiting for the screen to light up when the door rang.__

__ She grabbed her phone and headed downstairs, when she opened the door Bonnie was standing in it, staring at her like she had seen a ghost. "Bonnie what's wrong, did you find him?" she didn't care she should be more worried about her friend's condition but ____ she wasn't, her heart was beating heavy in her chest waiting for the answer. "No" Bonnie just whispered and Elena thought she must have heard wrong, she hoped that she had. "No?" she asked. "Elena, I can't find him, his consciousness is unfindable." Elena felt numb but still managed to whisper "What does that mean?"__

__ "It means his aura has left the planet, it means he's dead Elena." Bonnie looked up at her and she could see in her eyes how sorry she was. "I'm sorry Lena." her friend rubbed her back and hugged her while she started sobbing. __

__ She knew he couldn't be dead because she could still feel him alive, she still felt like he never left her, she knows he's still out there because she didn't die, she wouldn't die as long as he was still walking this planet. He couldn't be dead because she can still feel her heart, that space – an enormous amount of space – only reserved for him is still intact, it's aching yes, but that's only because the love in her heart is wrestling to get out, to complete him with it, to feed him with it and to consume him with it. Like he had always consumed her.__

But she had never found him, Bonnie tried to locate him a few times after that but she couldn't find anything, not even a trace. They could only conclude he was dead, as much as she wanted to find his body just to hold it one more time and to burry it properly, Stefan and Bonnie told her she wouldn't find it, it would take eternity and by the time she would get to the place, nature would've already taken care of it. She knew they were right but something kept telling her that she needed to see that body, grey and wrinkled because her heart still longed for him like he was out there. It was still calling him and mourning for him. And she felt like it was never going to stop.

* * *

><p>When she got back that evening from wedding-shopping with Caroline, she heard voices in the study. They sounded mad and annoyed, she couldn't help but slow down and hold her breath so Stefan wouldn't hear her. It sounded like he was fighting with someone she couldn't hear what it was about and decided to sneak closer, risking he would catch her but she had this weird feeling in her stomach that she needed to listen to this.<p>

"It's been five years and she's still not back to normal." she heard Stefan sigh and shuffle.

"I know, she hasn't been the same since the fight but we all know why Stefan." she could hear Bonnie's voice and was prepared to listen to the same conclusion again, she was sad because she lost Lucy and John, because they sacrificed their life for her and yes, she was sorry about them but nobody seemed to understand that she lost someone else too, someone so important to her that she would mourn him for the rest of her eternal life, but nobody was smart enough to figure it out, to notice what was going on before he left. Or maybe someone was.

"She lost him Stefan, you took him away from her."Bonnie's voice sounded exhausted like she'd had this conversation a million times.

"I know, I was doing the right thing. He was wrong for her and everybody knows it, everybody knows she's supposed to be with me. That I'll make her happy, I'm stable, reliable, good, kind, loving, I'm all the things he was not. He would have taken her away from me and he would have destroyed her. We did the right thing Bonnie." Stefan sounded sure of himself.

But Elena was hearing them, this was about him? Stefan had taken him from her? Her from him? He thought he had done the right thing? The right thing being her hurt for five years and let her believe that he left her while he, her fiance who was supposed to love her took him away from her?

"I just feel so guilty about lying to her, telling her he was dead while I could locate him in Spain, Canada, Italy, I could find him all over the world but I had to keep the truth from her to keep her safe, but you don't know how many times she stood on my doorstep asking me to try again. And when I would call her with the answer she would pick up with the first ring even though she knew what the answer was going to be, she kept trying and kept asking me, she didn't want him to go Stefan, she didn't want to be saved from him, she wanted to be saved from all of us." Bonnie's voice broke with the last sentence.

He was still alive? Bonnie had lied to her the entire time? She could still touch him? Hold him? Kiss him? Love him?

"We had to tell her he was dead, what do you think she would have done if we'd just told her he took off?' he asked Bonnie but she didn't get the chance to answer.

"I would have ripped the world apart to find him..." Elena was standing in the doorway, her voice sounding ice cold and threatening at the same time while she stepped towards them "...I would have torn it apart to get to him."

Two pair of eyes were staring at her. Too numb to speak, but she wasn't. She felt a fire burn inside of her that she had lost a long time ago, she had lost it together with her heart but now she felt whole again and the fire burned in her veins. She didn't want revenge on them, they would suffer enough knowing what they had done to her, knowing that she would never forgive them. No, she only wanted one thing and they were going to get it to her.

"Where is he?"


	4. Chapter 4

_Call all your friends_  
><em>And tell them you're never coming back<em>  
><em>Cause this is the end<em>  
><em>Pretend that you want it<em>  
><em>Don't react<em>  
><em>The damage is done<em>  
><em>The police are coming too slow now<em>  
><em>I would have died<em>  
><em>I would have loved you all my life<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Long lost &amp; gone<strong>

Chapter 4

They just kept staring at her.

"Where is he?" she repeated the question.

There was still no answer.

Before she could repeat her question again there was a voice behind her"Why is it so gloomy in here guys ?" Caroline smiled and came to stand next to Elena.

Elena looked up at her "Did you know?" she whispered.

Caroline looked confused and lifted her shoulders "Know what Elena ?"

"She didn't." Bonnie confessed "Stefan and I were the only ones who knew. We were the ones who told him you were dead, that the spell hadn't been successful and that the vampire blood in your system hadn't worked one way or another."

"You told him I was dead?" Elena was getting a headache, she didn't actually want the whole story she just wanted to get a location so she could jump in her car and get to it.

"Did you think he would have left otherwise? Elena, he nearly killed me before he believed me. Bonnie had to give him an aneurysm before he let go and after that he just stood there frozen, he didn't say a word when I brought him to the airport, he let me." Stefan came closer during his explanation, she could touch him but that was the last thing she wanted to do.

"But why, why?" she was screaming again, fighting back the tears in her eyes.

"Because I loved you, I love you so much, I couldn't let you go. I'm the one who's supposed to make you happy, to make you laugh and protect you. You deserve that, you deserve to be happy." Stefan's hands were now resting on her shoulders, like they were holding her captive.

"Happy Stefan? R

* * *

><p>eally? Every morning wanting to go back to sleep because you wake up to your worst nightmare?" she shrugs her shoulders and fights his hands off "Wanting to close your eyes again so you can go back to the dream where everything is just like you've always wanted it to be? You call that happy Stefan?" she looked him in the eyes " I don't"<p>

Stefan's face went from soft to hard and it scared her, she had never seen him this way "You'll never find him, I won't let you, you're my fiancee, you're going to be my wife, you're going to be mine forever." he's holding her shoulders again and shaking her but she wouldn't back down, not now she knew that she could escape all this, that she could live her dream, that it was still possible, that he wasn't dead.

So she straightened her shoulders again and let out a hard laugh "Yours Stefan? I'll never be yours, I never was yours." Stefan's eyes were boring into hers but she had to say this, he needed to understand this "Can't you see it?" she saw questioning in Stefan's eyes, he didn't understand.

"He. Owns. Me" she spoke the words slowly, spitting them into his face one by one.

She felt the back of a strong hand hitting her face, she was thrown against the wall because of the power behind it while two female voices were screaming her name.

Everything went black.

* * *

><p>She felt arms around her, holding her tight. Her eyes were fluttering, she knew this room, she had woken up in it a long time ago, she felt safe in here.<p>

_"_Mmmh, Good morning." she moaned while snuggling deeper into the chest behind her. There was a hand holding her breast, possessing it, she grabbed it and intertwined her fingers with it, stroking the palm with her thumb, playing with the ring on his finger, but she still let it rest on her breast because it belonged there, he possessed it, he possessed her whole body, her mind, her soul, her heart.__

__He started placing kisses on her shoulders, making his way up to the back of her neck, her ear, her temple. His nose trailing soft patterns on her cheek, she shivered and he laughed. She loved that sound, she loved every sound he made but this was her favorite because she didn't get to hear it often. __

_"_You snore." his voice was husky, it was his sex-voice, she shouldn't be surprised to hear it after the marathon they had last night but she couldn't concentrate on that, she didn't snore!__

__She separated their fingers and turned around to meet the beautiful ocean blue eyes, she was sure there was only one pair of eyes like that in the whole universe and the genuine smile on his face made them shimmer, he was the most beautiful creature she had ever seen. Before she met him, she thought that Photoshop was a very clever program but now she couldn't believe that even an advanced software like that could have ever created something as beautiful and perfect as the man lying in front of her. __

_"_I don't snore." she frowned her eyebrows and crossed her arms in front of her chest, he looked amused. __

_"_I know." he whispered in that husky voice, he lifted his head up an placed it so their foreheads were touching, he was rubbing his nose against hers and placing soft kisses next to her mouth.__

_"_I just wanted you to turn around." he had a big smile on his face and it made her heart ache, knowing that she would leave him in two hours to pick up her boyfriend from his two day school trip. She was glad that she was in another chemistry class, she'd had been able to stay in his arms for two days, her body hadn't left his in two days, she was sure that she would experience withdrawals the second his touch would leave her skin. They'd made love on every surface in the boardinghouse, every couch, cabinet, table, chair and even every inch of the kitchen counter had been used as their sex paradise, she'd lost count after 16 orgasms and that was only after 5 hours of love making but now 36 hours later she still craved him more than anything, more than food, sleep, water and even air, that was the only thing she hadn't given up on because she knew they couldn't go on if she would stop breathing. __

__Like always he knew what was on her mind "I'd say we'll go another round but they usually take about a day so you wouldn't be on time to pick up our loverboy." he smiled but she could see the sadness in his eyes, his mask that he always kept up showed cracks around her and even if she loved those moments when she could see him care like that, it killed her knowing she was the one putting the sadness there. Small tears were running down her cheek, looking at him she realized how stupid she was. When they had first started this she felt so guilty for cheating on Stefan but it felt so right to give herself to him, she thought it was about the sex, that it would fade but it only got stronger, it got so strong that she didn't feel guilty anymore for cheating on Stefan, she felt guilty for cheating on him because somewhere along the way she became his and he became hers. Somewhere along the way she pushed everyone out of her heart to make room for him and she felt like there still wasn't enough space in it to carry all her love for him.__

__He kissed the tears away, he didn't ask what was wrong like Stefan would have, he didn't push her to tell him, he knew exactly what she was thinking and it scared her, it always scared her ____how good he knew her, how he would answer her question before she asked it out loud, how she ____didn't need to ask him to hold her, he would just put his arms around her and pull her close, she didn't need to tell him that she wanted to be alone, he knew when she wanted to be and he knew that two minutes later she would run into his arms, sobbing and begging him to stay with her because she didn't want to be alone.__

_"_Shh, don't worry. We're going to be okay, you'll see." he pulled her closer, pressing her breasts flat against his chest, with Stefan she would have told him he was hurting her but now she only putt her arms around his shoulders and tried to pull herself just an inch closer, as close as she could get. In that moment it was the first time she realized how much she needed him and how much she would hurt if he would ever leave her.__

_"_Don't ever leave me." she whispered in the crook of his neck.__

__He didn't answer and she thought he didn't hear it, glad he didn't, she didn't want him to know how much she needed him, how weak she was without him.__

__But then she heard his voice, soft and not a hint of the usual cynicism present "Never."__

She looked up to meet blue eyes, but not the heavy kind of blue, not the kind that made her body tingle, soft blue eyes in a soft face with blond curls hanging around it.

"How are you feeling?" Caroline didn't speak as loud as usual, she kept her voice low and soft.

"Like someone hit my head against the wall and I passed out." she wasn't in the mood to be polite even if her friend had been so kind to bring her here and take care of her.

"Elena, he's really sorry. He's a mess right now, you were just hard on him, he didn't expect you to react like that. You have to understand, he has been building this life with you for six years and he tried everything he could to protect you, save you, make you happy. And it all got taken away from him in two minutes, he wasn't himself, he overreacted, he's sorry Elena."

"What exactly is he sorry about? Sorry for hitting me? Lying to me? Or is he sorry that I found out?" she knew she shouldn't be yelling at Caroline, it wasn't her fault, she knew nothing about it but she couldn't stand that she was defending Stefan.

"I'm sorry for all of it." she heard Stefan's voice behind her and turned around. He really looked miserable.

"I don't care, you lied to me, you hurt me." she was still yelling, it was the only way she wouldn't collapse on the ground in tears.

"And you didn't?" Stefan raised his voice too. "You're saying you never lied to me, that you've never hurt me? Maybe not physically but you've hurt me alright. Do you know how I found out about you and him? You don't, do you? You were to self absorbed to think I knew, but let me tell you something Elena, I knew." his eyes were wide open and his breathing became quicker, heavier, suppressing his anger.

She had never wondered if he knew but it made sense, why else would he have torn them apart. She had always thought that nobody knew but only two days ago Caroline had told her the opposite, she didn't think there would be others too. But if Stefan knew, who else knew?

He didn't wait for her to answer "It was during that school trip, it got canceled after one day because of the storm, do you remember or were you to busy at the time?" she looked at him guilty, she hadn't noticed much of the storm "So I came of that bus, happy because I got to spend the rest of the weekend with you, I ran to your house arriving wet to the skin to hear from Jenna that you're staying at Bonnie's for the weekend, having girls night and stuff. I was a little disappointed that you already had plans because I really wanted to spend time with you, I decided I would pay you a visit over there just to let you know that your boyfriend was back in town and there was a part of me hoping that you would drop everything and spend the weekend with me but when I heard you weren't there and she hadn't heard from you all weekend. We started to get worried and called Caroline." he looked at Caroline who was just watching the two of them argue, afraid to say something wrong.

"I remember that." she whispered and put a blond curl back behind her ear.

"But you weren't there either, we called you a thousand times but I guess you had other things on your mind." he looked at her, accusing her with his eyes but he was right, she had deliberately put her phone off that weekend, not wanting to be disturbed while she was living in her dream world. "I came here to ask my brother for help, maybe he had heard something from you or maybe he could help me track you down." he took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose "When I walked in I saw clothes scattered on the floor, your purse standing on the desk in the hallway and your jacket was hanging over a chair in the parlor. I heard moans, sighs, bodies rubbing against each other, I smelled blood, your blood, but worst of all I heard you scream, I heard you scream his name over and over again." He walked towards the wall putting his forehead against it "He was using you, he used you for blood, for sex, he used you to get back at me." he looked broken and she almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

"Stefan.." she tried to interrupt.

"No, I couldn't blame you, you just fell for his charm, for the smoldering good looks, he let you believe you he loved you so you would love him back. He told you my past so you would choose him over me, so he would finally after all those years get his revenge. But I couldn't let him use you, I had to save you from him, he would have broken you, destroyed you, he would have sucked all the life out of you and use you as his personal toy. I couldn't let that happen so I crashed at Bonnie's place, told her all about it, we figured something out, a plan that we could use after the fight with Klaus, in the morning I went back to the school waiting for you to pick me up, pretending like everything was alright, pretending I never heard you scream his name, I had to win you back, I had to save you, don't you understand that I did what I had to do?" Stefan was leaning against the wall, his hands in his hair.

"Stefan, he never used me..." she started but was interrupted

"It's okay Elena, I know this is hard to hear for you but I forgive you, I forg..." Stefan was talking again.

"STOP IT!" she screamed, so hard it made Caroline step back.

She started sobbing but was desperate to explain it to her fiance, he was wrong and he needed to understand it.

"He never used me, He never did anything to make me fall in love with him. I just did." she wiped the tears away and pulled herself together "Do you remember the night after the first fight with Klaus, when we didn't succeed, when Tyler bit him and the curse was broken?" she looked at the two vampires in the room.

They both nodded.

She looked at Stefan "While you were out there looking for a cure, I took care of him. I thought I was going to lose him and it hurt so much the thought of losing him. I was holding him in my arms and it felt so right, like he belonged there and he did Stefan, he had belonged there all along. I was crying and he told me he loved me and how sorry he was for everything he had done to me. How sorry he was for blaming you, how I should have met him in 1864 because I would have liked him back then, I told him that I just liked him the way he was, right in that moment, and I meant it, I kissed him first and then Katherine came in with the cure and he got better. And I've never let go of him since then, not that night, not that morning, not the week or the month after that." she collapsed to the ground but found the strength to lift her head up "Stefan, I'm still holding on to him." she felt arms wrapping around her and blond curls were being pressed against her cheek.

"Elena, If I let you go to him, I'll never see you again. He will break you, all his bad sides will come to the surface and in the end they will kill you, he'll kill you." he was looking at her like she was a five year old telling her that she couldn't climb on the counter.

She knew who he was, she knew his bad sides and his good sides, she knew how jealous he could be how he would make it clear that nobody was to touch her, how he would look at Matt and Tyler at the Founder's Parties, telling them with his eyes not to go near her. She knew how impulsive he was, how he thought that violence solved everything but she also knew the side of him that would sit in bath with her, washing and massaging her head, the side that tucked her into bed after a long day and would hold her whole night. The side of him that would let her put gel in his hair even if she never did it right, she always messed it up, the side that would laugh at that and tell her his hair didn't need to be perfect, that his body was perfect enough. The side of him that would argue with her about stealing the covers in her sleep, how she would pull them off him and no matter how hard he would pull them back, he would always end up exposed to the cold air coming through the window.

"Elena, he'll hurt you, he'll break your heart, it's who he is, he can't help it" Stefan was pleading now, pleading to change her mind, to forget the five years she spend longing for him.

"I know." she whispered the words so softly that if the two persons in the room wouldn't have had vampire-hearing, they would have missed it.

Caroline walked out of the room, Stefan had left a few minutes before her to go hunting, she thought he just wanted to get out of the house, away from all the drama and clear his head.

She saw Bonnie sitting against the wall, the look in her eyes revealing she had heard everything in that room. " Where's Elena?"

"She's asleep, she was exhausted." Caroline took a seat next to her.

Bonnie kept looking at the ceiling "She really feels safe in there, she feels safe in the room from the person we wanted the protect her from, it's ironic." she let out a sharp laugh.

Caroline didn't know what to say, she just stared in front of her to the other side of the corridor.

They just sat there no talking only staring in the distance.

Bonnie was the first one to break the silence "I thought I was doing the right thing, Stefan is right he would have hurt her, he would have destroyed her."

Caroline turned her head so she was looking at Bonnie's face "We don't know that, maybe he loved her as much as she loved him."

"You think he was capable of loving someone besides himself?" Bonnie questioned her.

"Bonnie, we've always known there was something between them, we could feel the electricity flowing from their bodies when they were in the same room, we've always feared there was something more between them, more than between her and Stefan. We know he would have given his life for her." She took a breath and turned her head away from Bonnie to stare at her feet "If you asked me, I would say he loved her"

"But does he still love her?" Bonnie whispered and stared at the vampire's face, who still had her gaze directed to her feet.

Caroline stood up and pulled Bonnie up with her. Taking her car keys out of her jacket and pulling her friend with her to the front door.

"There's only one way to find out."


	5. Chapter 5

_Get these left handed lovers out of your way**  
><strong>They look hopeful but you, you should not stay**  
><strong>If you want me to break down and give you the keys**  
><strong>I can do that but I can't let you leave_

* * *

><p><strong>Long lost &amp; gone<strong>

Chapter 5

When she woke up the house was quiet, she guessed Stefan went out hunting like he usually did when he needed time to himself, Bonnie and Caroline had probably gone home, she didn't mind though, she needed space and time to think about all of this.

But the first thought in her mind had nothing to do with the betrayal that she had discovered yesterday. It had everything to do with this room, his room. All the memories she had in here, the good ones and the bad ones, she all treasured them, the love making, the fights, the fights that ended in love making, they were all crystal clear in her head, she never wrote about them in her diary because she knew she didn't have to, her soul and heart would keep them intact.

Tears started forming in her eyes, she realized how much she missed him, it was impossible not to when her whole body, soul and heart were screaming for him. But she had never thought that she would miss her memories, the memories she tried so hard to push out of her head, she had always thought that she missed a future with him the most but she didn't, she missed her past with him, the beautiful moments they had shared and even the ones that weren't as beautiful, she remembered them fighting, they had so many fights about the most silliest things, she let out a laugh while remembering them fighting about his boxers, how she would always pull them on and wear them, she remembered him screaming that he didn't have enough boxers for the both of them while she was muttering how comfy they were.

Being in this room made her realize that she was still living in the past, that she hadn't moved on, that she was afraid to move on, she was afraid that if she moved on she would forget about him, forget about their moments, forget about their love, forget about how she was capable of feeling.

Maybe she should move on, maybe it was time, she couldn't believe what she was telling herself, he's alive, it's all she ever wanted, but if he was alive why did he never come back? Not even to visit Stefan? Why didn't he feel the same as she did? Why didn't he feel that she was still there, that she was still alive, that her heart was still beating for him? Why didn't he ask to see her body? If they had told her he had died she would have demanded to see him, to see that her soul and heart had died, why hadn't he?

Was Stefan right? Had he used her? Maybe Stefan was right, maybe he had wanted payback, he had never told her he loved her but she thought he did, she was convinced he did, but what if it was all an act? What if their moments were never real? What if she had been longing for someone who hadn't thought about her a second in the last five years? What if she had been longing for someone who never cared? Who will never care?

"Why did you stay with me? If he meant so much to you?" she hadn't heard Stefan walk in but he was sitting on the end of the bed, his eyes directed to the floor.

"Stefan, I don't want to hurt you." she couldn't look at him, not yet, even if he had hurt her, she wouldn't be the same monster, she wouldn't rub in his face how she fell for his brother.

"Please Elena, I need to hear this, I need to know why, why you went to my brother, why I wasn't enough for you anymore." his voice broke. "Please Elena, I need to know."

She sat up against the headboard and pulled her legs against her chest, her arms wrapped around herself "After the first time I thought it was a mistake, that it was pure physical, sexual. I told him that, I told him that it would never happen again, that I loved you and didn't want to hurt you." she lifted her head up to look at him but his eyes were still on the floor "But every time he was in the same room, my body started screaming for him, my chest started aching because he was ignoring me, I tried to be his friend and he wouldn't let me be, I missed him so much that every nerve in my body registered the moments I spend away from him as pain. I wanted him to talk to me, to explain what was going on, I needed him to be my friend so when you went out hunting one night I went to his room, to talk to him and make him understand that I was his friend, that I would always be his friend but nothing more than that." she took a deep breath and composed herself "The moment I came in that room, this room, his eyes locked with mine and all I could do was run to him, run into his arms, all I could do was give into him."

"But why? Why did you stay with me, why did you sneak around behind my back?" she saw that he was holding back tears and that he only raised his voice to not let them out.

"Because everybody kept telling me how perfect we were, you and I, how we were made for each other, I thought they were right, I thought that after a while I would come back to you because it's true what you said, he would have destroyed me, our love would have destroyed us, it would have suffocated us. I knew deep down I needed to leave him, we were able to destroy one another just by loving each other and at some point we would have and I couldn't do that to him or to myself, but every time I tried to say goodbye to him, my whole body would just started aching again and I couldn't handle that feeling again, not after I knew how to stop it, I couldn't leave him. I would have let him destroy me if that meant I could stay forever with him. But I stayed with you because I hoped that I would someday have the strength to do the right thing and leave him, to prevent our love from killing us both."

"But why did you stay with me after he left? Why didn't you start over with someone else?" he kept looking at the floor, he had been looking at the floor during the whole conversation like he was counting the tiles in the room.

"Because after he left I thought you would go looking for him, that you would bring him back to me." she couldn't believe that she said that out loud, she just confessed using him but he deserved the truth and it was the truth. She still remembered how she would look up every time he walked in waiting for him to say that he had found him, that he would catch a plane and get him back.

"And after we told you he was dead?" his head was now resting in his hands, he sounded desperate.

She knew how hard this sounded but he wanted to hear this, he said it himself "You were the closest thing to him, if I pretended hard enough I could see him, smell him, talk to him. You shared the same memories Stefan, I would never get closer to him than by staying with you."

"Marry me." he looked up at her and his face resembled the ones of a crazy person.

"What?" he must have gone crazy, she just confessed using him and loving his brother more than him and he was asking her to marry him.

He stood up and came to sit next to her legs on the edge of the bed "You've said it yourself, it would kill you both, marry me, don't look for him, stay away from him, I'll keep you safe, I love you Elena and I know you care about me, we're best friends, I know I've hurt you but now everything is out in the open, no more secrets, there will never be any secrets again, we could be happy Elena, just give it a shot, give us a shot, your friends, your family, they are right, we are meant to be, we're best friends and I've known a lot of successful marriages based on friendship."

She shove further away from him, placing herself in the middle of the bed "Stefan, you don't know what you're saying, I did horrible things to you, I cheated on you with your brother, you can't love me, you can't ask me to marry you, you can never trust me again."

He grabbed her arms and pulled her closer " I know what I'm saying Elena, I trust you and I'll always love you, let me save you from him."

What if he had used her? Didn't she deserve a chance of happiness even if it was just a shell from what it could have been? Didn't she deserve to have a family? A husband? Someone who would love her? Someone she could love back? Even if it didn't remotely resemble the love she was capable of giving?

"Okay" she barely managed to whisper, it's a good thing he was a vampire or he wouldn't have heard it.

A big smile spread across his face"Okay? Really? You promise you'll marry me?" he was jumping like a little kid on Christmas morning.

"Yeah, I promise." that weren't the right words to say when you accepted someone's proposal for the second time, it shouldn't feel wrong, it shouldn't make your heart squeeze together in pain.

He took her hand and pulled her from the bed into the corridor to his room, she knew what he was going to do and she appreciated it that he didn't started it in that room, that she could keep the memories of him in his room and the memories of Stefan in Stefan's room.

She placed herself on the bed, waiting for what was coming, he threw himself at her and started kissing her, unbuttoning her shirt, she did the same with his, slowly, looking into his eyes, letting him know she would try to enjoy this, that she would try to be a good wife to him. That she would try to forget that she wanted to be someone else's wife.

* * *

><p>She woke up to green eyes staring into hers, she was lying on her stomach, her arms under her chest, his fingers were trailing patterns on the naked skin of her back.<p>

His voice cut through the silence "I need to tell you something." he looked guilty.

What more secrets? She just nodded, she didn't actually care.

"I have to go out of town for a while, I probably won't be back until the day of the wedding."his eyes were boring into hers, waiting for her reaction.

"Is there something wrong?" she propped herself up on her elbow and rested her face in the palm of her hand.

"No it's just this friend of mine, he's been on the animal diet for so long but something went wrong and he's having trouble to find control again, he called me to help him. I wouldn't go but I feel obligated, he's helped me before when I lost control, it's time to return the favor." he had actually lost her interest before he started his explanation, she was glad that he would be gone for a while, that she would have the time to get used to the idea of marrying him, that she wouldn't have to pretend to be happy about all the wedding-stuff under his watchful eye.

"He's your friend, you should go, I'll be fine. Caroline and Bonnie will keep me company, we still have plenty to do for the wedding." they had never actually called it off so everyone was still invited and didn't know a thing about everything that was going on. They would just assume that Elena was finally marrying the man of her life.

"I already packed, I hate leaving you behind but when I get back we will finally be husband and wife." his eyes sparkled at the thought.

She didn't answer and he gave her a kiss and jumped out of bed.

"See you at the altar." he whispered before closing the door behind him.

* * *

><p>Stefan had left a week ago, she didn't actually miss him, she just missed company, Bonnie and Caroline hadn't come to visit and when she tried to call them they didn't pick up their phones. So at night she would hang out on her own or with Jenna and Alaric, she had even invited Jeremy and Tyler over one night to watch a hockey game.<p>

When she was on her own she would read a book in the library or watch a movie but most of the time she just wandered around the house, reliving the memories of all that she was going to give up. She slept in his bedroom every night, after the wedding she would spend the rest of her nights in Stefan's so she would enjoy being able to sleep in this room for as long as she could, she would enjoy the feeling of being safe as long as she could. She couldn't resist to put on one of his t-shirts at night and snuggling her nose in the pillows so the fragrance would be as strong as possible, it calmed her down, it got her to sleep peacefully.

Of all the memories, she cherished the one in the mirror the most, she had been standing in front of the mirror in the hallway every day for the past week, like she was waiting for something, or someone. She held herself and closed her eyes, imagining feeling the perfect body against her, the perfect warmth radiating against her back, the perfect even breathing against her neck.

She was standing in front of the mirror again, eyes closed, imagining. It scared her how good she was becoming at it, she felt arms being wrapped around her waist, pulling her into the warm perfect chest behind her, a chin resting on her shoulder, fitting perfectly in the crook of her neck, a hand sneaking under hers so she could stroke it with her fingers, it brought tears to her eyes knowing that if she opened them it would all be gone, so she kept them closed as tight as possible because she could feel the chest against her back like it was really there, she could feel his warmth and breath on her neck like he was standing right behind her, she could feel his arms wrapped around her. He felt so real.

"We're perfect."

She snaps her eyes open, looking into the mirror. Brown eyes locking with ocean blue.

"Damon."

They were perfect. Indeed, they were.


	6. Chapter 6

_The fabric of your flesh, pure as a wedding dress_**_  
><em>**_Until I wrap myself inside your arms I cannot rest_**_  
><em>**_The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound_**_  
><em>**_I hunt for you with bloody feet across the hallowed ground_

****_And howl_**_  
><em>**

* * *

><p><strong>Long lost &amp; gone<strong>

Chapter 6

__She snaps her eyes open, looking into the mirror. Brown eyes locking with ocean blue.__

_"Damon."_

_They were perfect. Indeed, they were_

"I'm here." she saw the lips move in the mirror, she didn't dare to turn around, afraid that he would be gone when she did, that he would take the voice with him, that the arms around her would disappear, that the chest behind her would dissolve, that the ocean blue eyes would close and never look at her again, that he would take his whole being with him, that her heart would go with him.

"You're here." she could only whisper, every second he seemed more real and every second she became more terrified because every second could be their last together, every second he could disappear again, leaving her behind in the puzzle she was after the first time he left.

"Turn around." he was using the same hushed tone like her, she could still see him in the mirror, their eyes were still locked, he was still there and she couldn't risk losing him again, her imagination had brought her this far, she couldn't give that up.

"No." she would keep him as long as she could, she would talk to him as long as possible, she would keep stroking his hand until her imagination would decide that she'd had enough and take him away from her.

"Why not?" she saw him move in the mirror, lifting his chin up and pressing his mouth against her ear, she could feel it and it made her sob even harder than she had before.

"Because if I turn around and you're not here anymore I will regret it forever." she couldn't look away from the mirror, not now she felt her heart beating again, not now she felt every nerve in her body relax by his presence, not now she felt whole again.

"I promise I'll be here." he had never lied to her but she couldn't risk it, she hated being that puzzle.

"No." she shook her head and felt his mouth against her ear every time she shook it to the right side.

"Turn around Elena." hearing him say her name made her shiver, it never sounded more beautiful, his tongue wrapped around it like silk, like he owned the name, and he did.

Could she risk it? Could she turn around and risk giving him up? She knew it was going to tear her apart when he wasn't here, but she wanted to keep him just a little longer, even if she knew that the longer she kept him here, the more pain she would suffer but maybe for this one time she could be brave and take a risk, step away from her safe life, it's not like she wasn't hurting already, she could handle more pain, it would make his existence even more real, maybe she was a masochist, maybe she was still alive because of the pain holding her up.

She grabbed the hand she was stroking, trying to hold him here, his hand closed around hers and she could feel the warmth of it comforting her, assuring her. She took a deep breath and took one last good look at the eyes in the mirror, at the face in the mirror, at the man in the mirror. She closed her eyes, she had thought that he would already be gone by now, that she wouldn't feel him anymore, but she still felt his hand wrapped around her fingers. She turned around and the arms around her waist disappeared, she knew it, it wasn't real, she shouldn't have closed her eyes, now he was gone and she would still be the puzzle. But she was thankful that her imagination didn't take everything at once, she could still feel the warmth of his hand on hers, she didn't want to say goodbye to that either, not now she had already lost so much of him.

"Open your eyes Elena."

His voice was still here, maybe that's the only thing she would be able to keep after opening her eyes, but even if she could only feel his hand it didn't matter, it was enough for her, she could live with that, she could live with any piece that her imagination would be willing to give to her, how small it may be. But she knew she would have to open her eyes someday, she couldn't walk around the house with them closed, she couldn't stay standing here forever, she would have to eat, sleep, walk to the altar...

Thinking about her masochist theory she opened her eyes. Only to be met by the most beautiful blue eyes she had ever seen, even if she had seen them before, they never looked more beautiful, she had thought that her memory had kept every memory of him perfectly intact but it hadn't, he was more beautiful than she had ever remembered him, he was more real than he had ever had been.

"I promised I would be here." his voice sounded more beautiful than it ever had, she knew she should have known the first second she heard it that he was really here, her mind wouldn't be able to develop such a beautiful sound.

"You're here." and now she was convinced of it, the understanding flowed trough her whole body and every nerve became aware of it, when it reached her legs she wasn't able to stand up any longer and she collapsed to the ground, pulling him with her.

He pulled her in his arms, holding her like she was his lifeline, just like he was hers. He started stroking her hair while she sobbed in his black shirt, she lifted her head to find him staring at her, she placed her head on his shoulder so she was still able to keep their gazes locked, staring at each other while he kept stroking her hair, her whole body was pressed against his, it never felt more comfortable and it never felt more on fire. Having him back here, it screamed for all the years that it had missed his touch, his presence, his skin on hers.

She didn't know how long they sat there but her body became sore from sitting on the floor, it was like he could still read her mind, he scooped her up and carried her up the stairs, not saying a word, just holding her close, pressing her against his body. He carried her into the wrong room but she wasn't going to protest, she didn't mind having memories of him in this room even if it wasn't his room. He was here and that was the only thing she cared about. He placed her down on the bed, still looking into her eyes while she drifted to sleep, she wanted to talk to him, afraid that he would be gone when she woke up but her body was exhausted, it wouldn't stay awake, she fought her own body to stay awake, so she could keep staring at him but it wouldn't have any of it. So the last thing she saw before she closed her eyes were the ocean blue ones that she'd only seen in her dreams for five years and that were finally back home.

* * *

><p>She woke up alone in the four-poster bed with tears in her eyes, she'd had a dream so livid, so intense that her whole body was still shaking from it. It looked so real, he felt so real. She looked around and noticed that she hadn't woken up in same room as she had the past week.<p>

Why was she in this room? Why was she in the wrong room?

And then she remembered the dream, he had put her here.

Wait.

It had been a dream right? He couldn't be here. He couldn't have held her and comforted her, could he? But why else did her body feel so calm for the first time in five years, why didn't she feel the hole in her chest?

She turned her head to the nightstand, it was two in the morning. If he had been really here, was he still?

She pulled the covers from her body and stepped out of the bed into the corridor, there was no light downstairs, she moved to the other side of the corridor, to his bedroom, she saw that the door was closed, she always left it open in the morning. She stood still before the door and placed her forehead against it, what if he was really here? She took a deep breath and grabbed the handle, pushing it down and opening the door just an inch.

It was dark, too dark to see anything. She pushed the door further open so the light of the corridor flowed into the room.

There he was, on his side, his back turned to her, his arm stretched out in front of him on the pillows, the other one resting on his stomach. She couldn't believe this, after five years of longing for him, mourning him, he came back, he came back the moment she had given him up, the moment she had damned her life forever.

She couldn't go back to the room she had woken up in, not now she knew he was really here, that she could be with him, that he was in the bed they had shared so many moments in.

She walked into the room and walked to the other side of the bed, her side of the bed. Carefully not to wake him she lifted the covers up and crawled underneath them. She turned her head, seeing his face, peaceful, still as beautiful as ever. He was so close and she still didn't feel close enough to him, she had missed him for five years and she wanted to get as close to him as possible even if he was asleep.

She turned on her side and placed herself against his chest, her breasts pressing against it, she placed her head on his chest and pressed her nose in it, the fragrance was so much stronger than in the pillows. She threw her arm over his waist, placing her hand on his back, feeling the muscles on it.

She closed her eyes, ready to fall asleep when she felt his body moving, the arm lying on his stomach encircled her waist and pulled her closer, the arm resting on the pillows was now wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her even closer.

She tensed and looked up, finding the ocean blue eyes staring at her, she lifted the corner of her mouth in a little smile, ashamed she got caught. He looked at her and she saw the familiar smirk appearing on his face, she loosened her grip on him and kept staring at him afraid he didn't want her here, but he lowered his face and pressed a kiss on her forehead, she leaned her head forwards and looked up when his lips left her skin, staring in his eyes again he pulled her head to his shoulder, placing it there and snuggled into the crook of her neck. She tightened her grip on him and enjoyed the warm breaths against her neck. Her body relaxed as she drifted in a deep sleep, deeper and more peaceful than she'd had slept the past five years.

She woke up with a feeling she hadn't had in a long time, she couldn't describe the feeling, maybe it was relieve, relieve because he was still here, maybe it was happy, happy because he was finally here, maybe it was love, love because she wanted to keep him here, forever.

They had moved during the night, he was on his back and her head had been on his chest, his both arms were wrapped around her waist, pulling her against him and holding her there, their legs were entangled and the sheets were wrapped around them like a cocoon, a cocoon she never wanted to leave again.

There were locks of hair hanging in his face, she stroked them backwards and cupped his face with one hand, he turned his head to her hand and pressed his cheek into her palm. She could tell he was still deep asleep, he was going to be asleep for awhile, she had spend so many night with him that she knew when he was going to wake up.

She wanted to keep staring at him, watching him sleep but her stomach had other plans, it growled so hard she was afraid that it would wake him up when she stayed.

Trying to untangle their legs and bodies the noise got even louder. She pulled herself out of his embrace and left the room.

She entered the kitchen, pulling the cabinets open, deciding what she was going to make. Standing on tiptoes to see what there was still left, she really needed to go to the grocery store.

She pulled out some cereals while humming a song.

"It's a curse you know?" she gasped and turned around.

There was a woman sitting on one of the stools in the kitchen, she was playing with the lapis lazuli ring on her finger while looking at Elena.

"Isobel, what are you doing here?"she ignored the question, she didn't know what the woman was talking about.

"Loving him, it's a curse." Isobel left her seat and came to stand a couple of feet in front of Elena.

Elena took a step back "What do you mean?"

"Can't you see it? Can't you see it that you're whole existence is ruled by him, every move you make? every feeling you have? he dominates it. He always has, from the moment you met him he has controlled you're whole being. I saw you trying to love Stefan because everyone pushed you to but I also saw you being pulled to Damon without any pushing, on the contrary, everybody tried to pull you away from him but you always found your way back to him even when you believed he was dead you kept searching for him, but Elena, he didn't want to be found." Isobel didn't make any sense to her and she just frowned her eyebrows.

"I really don't know what you're talking about but I'd like you to leave, Damon left because they told him that I was dead, they told me he was dead, I wouldn't want to be found either." she was getting angry, who was this woman to tell her stuff like this, she may be her biological parent but she wasn't her mother.

Isobel took her purse that was standing on the counter "I know you don't see me as your mother but I'd like to give you an advice. Marry Stefan." she threw the bag over her shoulder and made her way to the door when she paused, considering something. "I ran into him, a year after the fight. He knew you weren't dead."

"What?" Elena called, she felt a breeze and was standing in an empty kitchen with no one to answer her question.


	7. Chapter 7

_The stars, the moon, **  
><strong>They have all been blown out, **  
><strong>You left me in the dark, _

****_No dawn, No day, _**_  
><em>**_I'm always in this twlight, _**_  
><em>**_In the shadow of your heart_

**Long lost & gone**

Chapter 7

She was sitting on the edge of the bed next to him, waiting for him to wake up and tell her everything. She didn't know if she could believe Isobel, probably not but she needed the truth and he was the only one who could give it to her.

She came into the room full of anger but when she saw him on the bed, his face pressed into the pillow, she couldn't wake him up, not now he was finally here, finally where he belonged. So instead she placed herself next to his head, her back leaning against the headboard and her legs stretched out in front of her.

When his face snuggled against her thigh her heart skipped a beat, it brought up so many memories of the lazy Sunday mornings they had shared, she had always been an early riser but he never was and neither was Stefan. So in the morning she would sneak out of Stefan's room into his and watch him sleep. She loved those moments when she would sit in his bed, reading a magazine with a cup of coffee in her hand, waiting for him to wake up. He would always snuggle his face in her lap, she would put the coffee down and stroke his hair while reading.

She couldn't resist it and lifted his head up to let it rest in her lap, his whole body adjusted itself to hers and she started stroking his hair but this time she wasn't reading a magazine, she tried to read him, she tried to read on his face what he was doing back here, why he didn't come sooner, when he knew she wasn't dead, why didn't he come back for her?

She would get her answers soon, his body started stirring and his eyes were fluttering. She was still staring at the face in her lap when the ocean blue eyes locked with hers. She stopped stroking his hair and lowered her hand to his cheek, cupping it. He pushed his cheek into the palm of her hand like he had done this morning and let out a moan.

"I've missed this." her voice broke the silence "I missed you." She had to get this out before they were going to talk about the heavy stuff, the stuff that could break her, break them.

"I've missed this too." he kissed the palm of her hand and smiled, hearing her heart flutter.

"Then why didn't you come back for it? You shouldn't have missed this at all." she had to ask it, and if they would go any further she wouldn't find the courage, he was here and every second he was here it became harder to let him go.

"They told me you were dead." the look in his eyes told her there was more, much more and she wanted to know about it, she wanted to know where he'd been the past five years, she wanted to know what he had felt the past five years.

"I've talked to Isobel, she said you knew I wasn't dead." her voice was barely a whisper.

He didn't answer her and turned his eyes away from her, pressing his face deeper into her hand.

"Damon, look at me." she tried to pull his face up with her hand but his vampire strength kept it down in her lap.

She saw him close his eyes and it became too much for her, the tears were already forming in her eyes, ready to break lose.

"Please, look at me." she heard her own voice break and seeing the look on his face, he had heard it too, but he didn't move, his eyes were still closed, only his chest was moving, taking deep breaths.

She lowered her face, letting her forehead rest against his temple. Her lips were trembling against his ear and she could feel the tears streaming on her cheeks, she could see her tears roll over his face "Please, I need to know this, I deserve to know this."

Before she knew it, her back was pressed against the headboard, his hands were gripping her arms and his eyes were wide open. He had pulled them up before she could even blink "You deserve to know this?" his voice was full of anger.

She didn't dare to answer him, afraid he would snap, afraid he would do something that would keep them apart again, afraid that she wouldn't be able to forgive him. She knew he would never hurt her and that there were no other humans in the area but he was unpredictable and he had surprised her once before, it had torn them apart for a long time and she couldn't handle that again.

She had seen him angry before, many times. In those moments the only thing she could see was the anger on his face but now, now she saw everything, every detail, the way his chest was breathing heavy, the way the muscles in his arms were stretching, the way his mouth was formed into a hard line, the way his jawline was pushed forward and the way those eyes were staring at her like they could see into every corner of her body. He had never been more terrifying, but most of all, he had never been more beautiful.

His grip tightened on her arms "You deserve to be happy, why can't you be happy?" underneath the anger she could see sorrow in his eyes.

"Be happy? How could I be happy? You weren't here." she was raising her voice, trying to make sense of his question.

She saw something flicker in his eyes, maybe regret, but it was gone before she could analyze it "I wasn't here because I left you, I left you to be happy."

She tried to digest his words "You left me?" her voice was full of disbelief, they were in love, they were perfect together, the were made to be one. How could he have left her?

"Didn't you think I knew they were trying to fool me? Didn't you think I would've known that you were dead? Didn't you think I would have demanded to see your body? I have known my brother for over a century and a half, he couldn't fool me." he released her arms and positioned himself on the back of the bed.

She just sat there, seeing him move, missing his touch. Trying the process what he had just said, it seemed so unreal, not only him being here but him explaining himself, explaining what had happened, he never explained anything to anyone. In that moment it hit her, she stared into his eyes and she knew what he was trying to explain, all there was left in his eyes was sorrow, it was sorrow because he knew she had waited for his return for five years, it was sorrow because she had mourned him for nothing, it was sorrow because he had used her to get back at Stefan, it was sorrow because he had never loved her.

She wanted to get out of here, this room wasn't her safe room anymore, it was now a room that scared the hell out of her, it was a room that had held so many memories, it was in this room that they were all crushed.

She stood up from the bed, new tears streaming over her face. But there was one thing she needed to know, one thing she probably didn't want to know but one thing that would probably let everything make sense.

"Why did you come back?" she whispered because she was terrified to ask, terrified that the answer would make her the puzzle again.

"I wanted to give you my blessing." he looked up at her, his eyes cold and hard.

When she didn't answer, he clarified "to marry Stefan."

She nodded, trying to keep herself together, she would fall apart somewhere where he couldn't see it. So she walked trough the door, turning her back on him like he had turned his back on her five years ago.

"You still aren't dressed?" she heard Jenna's voice cutting trough her, she had found her safe spot in the library and had been sitting here the whole afternoon.

"Dressed for what?" she didn't care, she wanted to sit here and think about everything, everything Stefan, everything Damon, everything Elena.

"For the Founders Party, the one I've been organizing, the one you promised to attend to."Jenna had placed her hands on her hips, still trying to be the authority figure, she felt seventeen all over again.

"I'll go get ready." she stood up and walked towards the stair, hesitating, she didn't want to see him again, not anytime soon and yet she wanted to see him again, right now, right in this second.

"I'll help you."Jenna grabbed her wrist and pulled her upstairs before she could argue with it.

To her relieve she didn't see him, the door of his room was open but there was no movement in it. The bathroom was clear and Jenna helped her with her make up, hair and clothing. Or actually Jenna did everything, she felt too numb to do something herself so she was handled like a doll and Jenna was the five-year-old dressing her up.

* * *

><p>She entered the Lockwood mansion, it was the only house big enough to hold this kind of parties in. She could feel Jenna's eyes on her, expecting her to compliment her work.<p>

"Oh Jenna, this looks amazing! How did you do all this?" she tried to sound enthusiastic and she had pulled it off because Jenna started telling her every little detail, she tried to pay attention but failed miserably.

Her attention was pulled to a couple on the dance floor, sliding around the room, their eyes were locked and there was nothing around them but their partner, their lover. She had to look away, she had been part of a dance like that once, a dance that hundreds of people were watching but she only saw one, she didn't see them staring, she saw only one pair of eyes, she didn't hear them mutter, she only heard his breathing, she didn't feel beautiful that day because everyone told her she did, she only felt it because he was looking at her like she was, the ocean blue dress matching his ocean blue eyes, it wouldn't have matched with the green ones that were supposed to make her feel like that, that dance was meant to be theirs.

She had moved away from the dance floor, she came here for Jenna, her attention should be on Jenna and on Jenna only, but that thought passed quickly when her eyes locked with another pair, a pair of eyes she knew better than her own, a face she knew better than her own.

He noticed her gaze at him and turned away back into the conversation with the sheriff, she turned her head towards Jenna again but her body was still very aware of the one across the room, it kept aching in his direction, her heart kept squeezing and her breathing became more difficult. She didn't want to feel this, she shouldn't feel this, she had no right to feel this, her body didn't have the right, it had been used, it had been neglected and hurt, it should run the other way. Instead she kept turning her head towards him, looking at him. Every time she did she could swear that she saw him glancing at her, avoiding eye contact but she swore that his body was as much aware of her as hers was of him.

The night progressed and she had talked to everyone except for one, she had heard the stories about how Stefan's brother had finally come back after five years, that they had caught rumors that he was dead, they all wondered where he had been, so did she. All night, she had been asked question about the marriage, how it was going, if there was still a lot to do, if she didn't have cold feet, where Stefan was. And she realized that she hadn't thought about Stefan since Damon's return, he hadn't called or texted and she hadn't cared. She didn't even know where he went, she only knew when he came back and it would be too soon because it would mean that his brother would leave. That he would leave and leave her behind, leave her behind with his blessing, leave her behind with her misery, he would leave and never come back, he would leave and take her whole body, heart and soul.

Alaric was talking to her brother, Jenna and Caroline were still discussing the decorations, she had tuned out long ago. She turned her head again in his direction, he was standing alone at the bar, his back towards the crowd, even though she was surrounded by a whole crowd, she had never felt so alone as in this moment, he was here and he was ignoring her, pretending she didn't exist, but she did.

She didn't know what she was doing but she left her family, earning suspicious looks from them. The only thing she knew was that she couldn't let him get away with this, she could let him get away, she wouldn't. She knew it was selfish, she knew that she was doing this because she didn't want to feel alone, she wanted that feeling again, she didn't want to be alone on her own in the crowd, she wanted to be alone with the two of them, like they once had been.

"Dance with me." his back was turned towards her but she knew he could hear her.

She saw his body stiffen and he didn't turn around. "No."

She wouldn't take no for an answer, so she raised her voice a little and put more certainty in it "Dance with me."

She could smell the bourbon he had been drinking and it made him more familiar, it made him more like the Damon she used to know, the one that would protect her, laugh with her, dance with her.

His body hadn't moved an inch and she was still waiting for him to turn around and swirl her around the dance floor.

"No." his voice sounded hard, cold.

She had to use his own game against him, it was cruel of her, but she was selfish for once, for once she wanted things to go her way, she didn't want to listen to anyone else, this was what she needed.

"You wanted me to be happy, make me happy."

She saw his head turn, but his back was still facing her. He talked to her over his shoulder "Go back to your family Elena, it's not going to happen."

She didn't want to give up but they were two rocks, he was the stronger rock and she would be the one that would have to break eventually, she wouldn't get what she wanted. He wouldn't give it to her and it killed her because she would have done anything for him, be anything for him, marry anyone for him.

"Goodbye Damon." she whispered and she knew it was true, this was her goodbye, this was her cutting him out of her life, she had lived five years without him but she had survived, she had thought that he was dead. Maybe it was going to be easier now, knowing he was alive, she could only wish him the best.

She felt a hand on her arm, pulling her back and turning her around, she bumped into the hard chest, the chest that was made for her body, that fitted perfectly with hers. She lifted her face up to find him staring at her, he didn't say anything and started dancing.

She kept their eyes locked, even if she would want to, she couldn't turn her eyes away from his, that feeling was back, she didn't see Jenna or Caroline, the only thing she saw were blue eyes, she didn't smell the lavender in the room anymore, she only smelled bourbon and the cologne that said that she was in the right arms, she didn't need the cologne for that, it was just one of the signs, there were enough other ones, the way her body burned, the way she felt his breathing against her face, the way she felt his arm around her waist and the way she felt their fingers intertwine. God had made a decision when he let them be born, he had made a decision when he let Katherine turn him, he had known that there was going to be someone for him in the future, that he deserved to be loved, even God couldn't have taken that away from him after all the bad he had done, because deep inside this man there was still the boy from 169 years ago.

She didn't know the song but she would be sure to ask Jenna the play list and search till she found it. Thinking about Jenna she looked at her aunt who was standing on the side of the dance floor with a disappointed expression on her face, she had never been a big fan of Damon but Elena knew what her aunt saw, she saw two people so consumed by each other that the rest of the world didn't matter to them, she saw two bodies pressed against one another so tight that this wasn't an innocent dance between a girl and a her fiance's brother, this was a dance between two lovers, two lovers that had been separated for too long, two lovers that had been hurt too much, that were broken and maybe beyond repair, one lover that would give everything up to go with him, one lover that would never love anyone else, one lover that had signed her own execution when she had fallen in love with him, one lover that didn't even regret that for a second.

She heard the song slowing down and clung onto him for just a little longer, trying to tell him with her eyes to never let go again. But she failed, the music stopped and he untied their fingers, he pulled himself out of her embrace and pulled his eyes from hers, she wanted to ask him for just one more dance, and just one more and then another but he pressed his lips against her forehead, stroking her cheek, her eyes closed and she leaned into him.

"Goodbye Elena."

She opened her eyes and he was gone, she saw everybody looking at her, she knew they had witnessed it all and she didn't care, she didn't care what they thought, said. She needed to get out of here.

She made her way to the exit and bumped into Caroline, her friend held her up when she threatened to fall. Elena looked at her, tears in her eyes.

"I need to get out of here."

Instead of being the usual Caroline and pushing her to talk she just nodded and held the door open for her.

"I know."

* * *

><p>She went straight to Stefan's bed, sobbing, holding herself after a while she drifted into sleep.<p>

She was wakened by a loud noise, something dropping to the ground. She searched for the switch from the lamp on the night table but she couldn't find it, there was a figure entering the room and she pretended to be asleep, afraid what might happen to her if the intruder knew she was awake. She heard him stumble further into the room and felt the bed shifting next to her, before she knew it an arm was being draped over her waist, holding her possessively. She sighed, feeling relieved, she knew that smell, it was the smell she had waited five years for, he was drunk, she knew it and it didn't bother her, she wanted him here, drunk or sober.

She turned around to find his eyes closed, he was probably already asleep, she snuggled her face into his chest and he put his chin on her crown.

"I just wanted to see you."

He was giving her an explanation, an explanation she didn't needed, she only needed him.

"Shh, it's okay."

She felt his body drift into sleep and snuggled herself harder against him, enjoying him for as long as he was here. She had a feeling it were going to be a rough couple of days.


	8. Chapter 8

_Give a little time to me or burn this out,_  
><em>We'll play hide and seek to turn this around,<em>  
><em>All I want is the taste that your lips allow,<em>  
><em>My, my, my, my, oh give me love,<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Long lost &amp; gone<strong>

Chapter 8

She woke up alone, her eyes scanning the room, searching for him.

But he wasn't there.

She threw the covers off of her when she heard a noise downstairs, in a heartbeat she got up and pulled her jeans and gray t-shirt on. She rushed into the corridor almost tripping over the carpet, she ran down the stairs and paused when she got to the bottom of it. The noises came from the kitchen, she tiptoed down the hall and prepared herself to enter the kitchen, taking a deep breath and placing a hand on her heart, trying to stop it from pounding so fast. Preparing herself for seeing the black raven hair again, the ocean blue eyes, the perfect body, the perfect face, the perfect man.

She turned around the corner and gasped.

"I decided to make you breakfast."

Caroline stood behind the counter and held up a plate with fruit, bread, coffee and she had even made pancakes. Her stomach was suddenly feeling very weird.

"I'm not hungry." she wanted to get back into bed, back under the warm covers, she wanted to escape from this world, escape from it and never come back.

Before she reached the stairs, Caroline used her vampire speed to get in front of her.

"Elena, I'm so sorry." the vampire was holding her wrist, preventing her from moving any further.

She wasn't in the mood for this, she didn't even know what her friend was talking about "Sorry for what?" she immediately regretted snapping at her friend.

"For bringing him back."the vampire's voice was barely a whisper and her eyes were staring at the ground, ashamed to look at the person she held captive.

This conversation was suddenly becoming interesting. She had brought him back? Why? Why did Caroline bring him back when everyone wanted him to stay away from her, as far as possible?

"You brought him back?" her voice broke and she looked at the vampire, desperately trying to connect their eyes so she could see the emotions in them.

Caroline looked up, surprised. "He didn't tell you?"

"We haven't really talked, we're keeping our distance."it hurt her to say those words, she and Damon had never kept their distance.

Caroline raised her eyebrow"Keeping your distance huh? Then why can I smell him all over you?" she crossed her arms, feeling smart.

Elena looked at the floor, not wanting to answer the question, not wanting to share that moment, their moments, since he came back.

Caroline pushed her chin up with one finger, giving her no other choice than to look at her "Then why can I see the sparkle back in your eyes? The sparkle I haven't seen in five years? Then why do you look stronger? Stronger than I have seen you in five years? Then why do you seem more happy than I've seen you in the last five years?"

"Maybe because Stefan is gone and I have this big house to myself?" she lifted her eyebrow, looking arrogant towards her friend, trying to dodge the question.

"Yeah maybe." Caroline breathed, eyes on the floor.

Thinking the conversation was over, Elena tried to get past the vampire, trying to get upstairs in the warm bed when suddenly Caroline's head snapped up "But it's not." she stared straight into Elena's eyes "Maybe you can't see it, but your body has already registered his, it has already starting to heal, it has already found his way back to his, it has already decided to never let his go again, it has already welcomed him home."

Elena turned around to face her friend, Caroline's face became full of compassion seeing the agony in the eyes of the human girl standing next to her. "Why did you bring him back?"

Caroline pulled Elena down with her, placing her on the step and taking a seat next to her.

"Because I wouldn't have forgiven myself if I hadn't tried, you were unhappy, so unhappy and you've been it for such a long time. I couldn't stand it, not when I knew there was a way to fix it. You should have seen you the day you found out, there was this fire in you that had been missing for a long time and it only lit up again because you could be happy again, you were fighting to be happy again." Caroline had pulled her into her arms when she had started sobbing and tried to soothe her.

"But it wasn't your fault, you didn't know. They pulled us apart, ripped our souls from each other and they didn't do anything to make me happy again. It wasn't your task Caroline. Bonnie should have known, I don't get how she could betray me like that, how she could hurt me and lie to me, how she could see me hurt and not do anything about it, she should have told me, she wouldn't have to go look for him, I would look for him, I would have looked until I found him but she never gave me that chance, she never gave me the chance to be happy."

Caroline's lip started trembling, holding back sobs and trying to be strong for her friend. "She didn't mean to hurt you, she thought that she was doing the right thing just like Stefan did. They thought that he used you, abused you, seduced you." Caroline took a breath and felt a lump in her throat

"Maybe he did." Elena felt her heart squeeze together in pain, thinking about how he had left her, how he had known that she was alive and didn't come back for her.

"He used me Elena, he never used you, you changed him, he changed without realizing it, he changed because he wanted to, for you."

"But now he doesn't talk to me, he ignores me, he said he left me because he wanted to, he said he knew I wasn't dead, he said that he came back to give me his blessing." her breathing became faster and tears were rolling down her cheeks "He gave me his blessing to marry Stefan."

Caroline pulled her closer and rubbed her arm fiercely "He isn't the same anymore, you weren't the only one that got hurt that night. When I found him he acted like he didn't know me, I had to mention your name a thousand times to get trough to him, I mentioned Stefan, Katherine, Alaric but your name was the only one that got trough to him. I had to beg him to come here, he said you were fine, that you were happy. He told me that it was to dangerous to come back, that he didn't want to mess with your happiness by coming back."

Elena pulled herself out of Caroline's embrace and leaned against the railing. "But I'm not happy, I'm everything but happy. I don't know what I have to do, he doesn't want to talk to me, he avoids me and I need to talk to him. But the longer he's here, the more scared I am, maybe I don't want to hear the story, maybe I just want him to be here, to hold me, to get back to how we were. But we can't, I'm engaged to Stefan, I promised I would marry him even if Damon is back, he gave me his blessing, he gave me enough reasons to go trough with the wedding. But I don't know, it feels so wrong, Stefan he's good and he tries to protect me but with Damon I already feel safe just by being with him, I already feel happy when he's just here, arguing with me." she looked down, ashamed of what she's going to say "Arguing, fighting, hating Damon, it makes me happier than making love to Stefan, it makes me feel alive."

Caroline just nodded understanding "I know it's hard and maybe it doesn't make sense to neither of us. But it's the right thing to do, even if it is the hardest thing you'll ever do."

It was Elena's turn to nod "I know, I have to choose."

Caroline shook her head, disappointed." That's not what I meant." Elena looked at her confused, trying to make sense of their conversation when Caroline spoke again.

"It's never going to be easy to love Damon."

* * *

><p>She had never thought that a small town could be so big, she had looked everywhere for him. She had been waiting for him in the boardinghouse, day and night, she barely slept and was afraid to close her eyes, afraid that she would miss him when she did.<p>

When he hadn't returned after three days she decided to look for him, she had turned Mystic Falls upside down, searching under every rock, every corner, everywhere.

She was driving around, searching every street. Eventually without noticing it, she crossed the boarder. She drove for hours, without realizing where she was going. There was a sign on the road, there was only one word on it, but the word meant so much to her, to them, that one word gave her after the meaningless driving a destination, it said 'Georgia'.

Just like the sign had found her, the bar found her too. She parked her car and looked around, finding a very familiar blue Camaro parked in the darkest corner of the parking lot. Taking a deep breath and grabbing her jacket in the backseat, she got out and started moving towards the bar. She noticed that the name had changed but she could see from outside that the interior hadn't.

She stepped inside, earning looks from the guys at the bar who were all checking her out, so it was this kind of bar. A few of them patted the seat next to them, hinting for her to come sit with them but she ignored them and scanned the room. There were couples sitting on the tables against the wall, heavy make-out sessions were apparently no problem in here, there were a few guys playing pool, there were a lot of drunks sitting on the bar in front of the tap, motioning the bartender for a new round. And there was one guy sitting on the other side of the bar, a glass of bourbon in his hand, the bottle standing in front of him, he looked lost like she had been, he looked like he didn't care like she had, he looked like someone had left him, like she had.

She made her way towards him, she felt a few slaps on her ass but chose to ignore them, this men didn't deserve her attention. Not now the object of her attention was finally within reach.

He didn't move when she pulled the seat next to him back, settling herself on it and throwing her jacket on the one next to her. He filled his glass once more and drowned it in one gulp.

"I had to travel to another State for you to find me, I' left Mystic Falls yesterday, you couldn't have found me there?" he looked straight ahead, toying with the glass in his hand, his jaw was tensed, his whole body was.

"I would have found you five years ago if I had known you were alive, but apparently you didn't want me to find you." her voice was full of anger thinking about how she had longed for him, how she would have searched for him if she had known, if she had just known.

He let out a hard laugh " So would you have found me before or after you were engaged to my brother?" his voice sounded harsh, this was him shutting her out, shutting his emotions off, she had witnessed it many times before and she had always been the one to tear the wall down but she had never been the one to bring it up.

"How can you blame me for that, you left me, you left me to marry Stefan, you said it yourself." she was nearly yelling and the couple sitting closest to them at one of the tables looked up annoyed, annoyed because their make-out session was interrupted.

For the first time that night he turned his head around, fixing his gaze on hers, locking their eyes so she couldn't escape. "I left you to be happy, not to marry him, I left you to marry some random human guy that would give you a family, a home with a white picket fence around it, a dog running after your kids in the yard, a minivan on the driveway, soccer games on Sunday mornings, barbecues with your neighbors, family dinners with Jenna. I wanted you to be human, a happy human." his eyes were boring into hers and she could see that he meant every word of it.

"But I didn't choose that life, I knew what I gave up when I chose you." she grabbed his hands trying to make him understand that she didn't want this human life without him, that she didn't want any life without him. Life without him would be an empty space, it would be a waste to live it.

"But you never chose me, you were always Stefan's." he pulled his hands out of hers and turned his head down to stare at the counter.

It was her turn to let out a sharp laugh, a laugh of disbelief "But I did, I always chose you, I chose you the first time you touched me, the first time our fingers intertwined, the first time our lips met, the first time our skins touched." she grabbed his hands again and this time he didn't pull away "I became yours the first time our bodies merged into one."

He looked up at her and she could see the sadness behind his eyes "I can't do this, I can't go back to that, I'm bad for you, you deserve so much better, I'll hurt you, I'll break you, I'll destroy you, I'll destroy me by doing all those things to you. I can't have you." his voice broke emphasizing the sadness she had seen in his eyes.

She got up and came to stand right in front of him, their hands still locked. He followed her every movement and his eyes never left hers, there was a small smile on her lips "But if you can't have me than no one can't, because I won't have anybody else but you."

He looked tortured, he looked torn, he looked broken. She wanted to comfort him, to cherish him, to save him and she did it the only way she knew how to, the only way she did it five years ago. She cupped his face in her hands and stroked his cheek with her thumb, she lowered her head to his and felt his cold breath on her face, she closed her eyes and waited for the touch of his lips, when they touched she could feel it trough her whole body, it was true what Caroline had said, her body had already welcomed him home.

He pulled back for a second, scanning her face, searching for regret. He didn't find it, all he could see was the lust, the passion, the longing, the need. He could see that she needed this as much as him. She stared back at him, telling him with her eyes how much she had wanted this, how much she had longed for this, how much she really needed this.

He stood up and pulled her body against his, he pushed his arms behind her back and pulled her chest against his, she could feel the electricity, her tummy clenched and her nipples hardened, she threw her arms around his neck and stroked his hair with one of her hands, the other one grabbed his neck, pulling him closer to her. She felt his tongue pushing against her lower lip demanding entrance, an entrance she granted him, an entrance he had acquired long ago. She pushed her tongue against his and fought with him, they fought for all the years they had missed this, they fought for all the times they should have done this, they fought because they couldn't deny this anymore, they fought because their lives depended on it.

When she needed oxygen he released her mouth and started placing kisses on her cheek and neck, she grabbed his shoulders and clung onto him. She let her head rest on his shoulder so she could whisper in his ear "Get us out of here."

* * *

><p>They stumbled into the motel room, it was old, dusty and certainly not very romantic. But that wasn't what they needed in this moment, the only thing they needed in this room was the bed and each other.<p>

They were clawing on each others clothes desperate for them to come off, he ripped her blouse from her body and placed kisses on her bare shoulders while she was fumbling with the buttons on his shirt, it probably took her too long because he pushed her hands away and tore it open, throwing it on the ground next to hers. He launched himself at her lips again, bruising them but she didn't care, she tried to press every inch of her body against his, he had removed her bra in one swift motion, ripping the bands so now both their chests were naked.

She looked at his body, she had missed it, her body had missed it, it wasn't because it was perfection, it wasn't because she had never seen anything so beautiful in her whole life, it was because this body was made for hers, her soul was made for his, her heart was made to carry him, her love was meant to save him, to save them.

They had moved to the bed where she was pinned underneath him, carrying his weight. He could see her staring at him and gave her a small smile. She returned it by pulling him down and pressing her lips against his, it felt so right, it shouldn't but it did, they were bad for each other, the world was a dangerous place when they were together, they would kill anyone that stood in their way, they would kill for each other and it terrified her, thinking that even now after five years that she would still do it, he had been gone for so long and the feelings she had for him hadn't fade, they had only increased. Before he left she would have thought about it before killing someone but now, now she could keep him here, she wouldn't think about it, she would do it without any regret, without any remorse, she would do it again and again.

"If we do this.." his voice interrupted her thoughts, she could see he had a hard time spitting it out like he usually did. "If we do this you have to promise me something."

"Anything." knowing she would promise him anything, she didn't want to talk right now, they would have eternity to talk, right now she needed this, she needed him.

"I..." she pressed her finger to his lips, silencing him.

"Shhh, I promise."she replaced her finger with her lips and whispered against them "Anything."

He didn't seem to find the courage to argue and kissed her back, she lowered her hands and unzipped his jeans, revealing the black comfy boxers she had worn with him years ago.

A small chuckle left her lips and he looked at her, strange and amused.

"I've missed those." she traced the waistband of the boxers with her finger.

He let out a small laugh "You can have them." before she could blink his jeans and boxers were on the floor and she felt his hardness press against her thigh.

"Do you want mine too?" it was strange that they could be teasing each other when their insides were burning to be collided. It was strange that she could laugh and feel so happy when their was still so much pain inside of her.

He looked at her and she could see the familiar smirk appear, once long ago it had bothered her but now she realized she had missed it more than anything.

"I want them on the ground." he leaned down to press a short kiss to her lips "Now." and she felt him pulling off the black panties.

He settled himself between her legs and looked at her, still looking for regret, still waiting for her to run away, but if there was anywhere she was going to run to it would be to him.

The moment he entered her she felt her body relax and tense at the same time, he pushed further into her and every inch made her crave more, her walls didn't try to push him out like they tried with Stefan, they welcomed him and swallowed him eagerly. When he filled her completely, they paused a moment to look at each other, to realize that after all those years, after all the waiting and longing, after all the pain and heartbreak, they were finally one again.

He started moving and after five years she could finally enjoy this again, having another body pressed against hers, having someone inside her.

Their moans and breaths became synchronized just like the arching of her hips moved with his thrusts. They were still a perfect fit, something that had never changed, something that would never change, his head still filled the crook of her neck and her legs were just the right size to encircle his waist and push him deeper inside of her.

Their names were screamed and sighed into the room, they reached their climax together and he fell on top of her but still inside her. They were trembling, panting, gasping for air. They lay like that for a couple of minutes. He felt that she was breathing heavy and tried to move of her when she held him tighter, telling him not to move. She liked having his weight on her, it made him real, she liked having him inside her, it made her feel whole and it eased the pain in her chest where the empty space had been for the last five years.

She noticed he was asleep on top of her, inside her, she held him tighter and closed her eyes, drifting into sleep, vaguely wondering what she had promised him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Long lost & gone**

Chapter 9

_She woke up by the sound of her phone ringing._

_The beautiful man beside her was still asleep, his hair was a mess but it didn't make him any less beautiful. His lips were parted and she couldn't help herself and pressed her own lips softly against his, even in his sleep he responded softly to her touch. Her phone had stopped ringing and she placed her head back down on his chest, his arms pulled her closer and his chin came to rest on her crown. She pressed a soft kiss on his chest and traced lazy patterns on it with her hand, he let out a moan and she chuckled, thinking about their night together she couldn't help herself, she wanted more. Deciding he had slept long enough, she started placing kisses on his face, trying to wake him up gently when her phone started ringing again._

_She didn't want him to wake up like this, she wanted him to wake up to her, she wanted to stare in his eyes when he opened them. The ringing became really loud and she wondered how he stayed asleep, grateful for it, she untangled their bodies slowly and slid out from under the covers, grabbing her phone on the nightstand. _

__Stefan.__

_Closing the bathroom door behind her she picked up "Hello."_

_"Hi, it's me. Busy? I tried to call you a couple of times before." his voice wasn't the first thing she wanted to hear this morning. Not after the perfect night she'd had._

_"Yeah, I'm sorry I left my phone upstairs." she had always hated lying but she noticed how fluently this one came out, she had never been good at it. _

_"So how is everything going? Aren't you bored?"she heard the smugness in his voice, he wanted her to miss him, to beg him to come back._

_"No, I'm keeping myself busy."she kept her voice even, there wasn't any emotion in it._

_"Oh" a smile came across her face when she heard the smugness disappear "so how do you keep yourself busy?"_

_She had to watch out, that one lie came out easily but she shouldn't push her luck "Well, there's still a lot to do for the wedding but Caroline is helping me with everything and I think we'll manage."she whispered it into the phone, she didn't want to say those things, they were true but on so many levels they were wrong._

_"I can't wait to marry you, only one week left and we'll be husband and wife." he paused before quickly adding "Forever."_

_Those words ripped her soul apart and she wanted this conversation to end, she wanted this whole thing to end._

_"Yeah." it was the only thing she got out._

_"I'll be back in five days so I'll be able to attend the rehearsal dinner." she heard a voice behind him calling for him "I have to go, see you in five days, love you."_

_The line went dead. _

_She wanted to tell him that he didn't need to come back, that he wouldn't have anything to come back to, not if it was up to her. She knew that it wasn't fair to him, that he deserved to know that he was being dumped, but he hadn't been fair to her either. He had ripped the most important person out of her life without showing any regret for it, she would do the same, she would let him go through the same things she felt, the pain, the never stopping ache in your chest, the nerves that screamed for a body. She knew at first the pain would only be mentally but after a while it would become physical, she knew it, she had lived trough it and she had barely survived. She knew that what Stefan felt for her wasn't nearly as strong, nearly as deep, nearly as possessing as her love for Damon and that he wouldn't feel half of her pain but she was sure that even half of that pain would be enough to drive a person crazy, even a vampire person._

_She started removing the missed calls when a text popped up on the small screen._

__From : Caroline__

__Message : Where are you?__

_Her friend probably found an empty boardinghouse, she looked at the date and remembered the appointment for her last dress fitting. She wasn't going to need that dress anymore so why bother to show up? _

__To: Caroline__

__Message : Fitting is canceled.__

_She sneaked out of the bathroom, careful not to make too much noise. _

_He was still in bed, eyes closed and still fast asleep, her plans to wake him up had vanished the moment she had picked up her phone, he was here and as much as she wanted him to be awake, to hold her, to touch her, to make love to her. He was here and it was everything she had ever wanted because even if he was asleep there was no place she would rather be than right here, right here next to him, this was were she belonged, where she had always belonged. _

_She placed her phone back on the nightstand and lifted the sheets up so she could sneak under them. His body felt her presence and his arm stretched out in front of him, searching for her. She grabbed it and moved towards him, placing his arm around her waist._

_Her phone buzzed again and she turned around gently, stretching for her phone she felt the arm around her pulling her back, tightening his grip on her. _

__From: Caroline__

__Message: Why ?__

_She hadn't told her friend about searching for him so she was probably worried. She knew she could trust Caroline but she couldn't give her a location, it wasn't safe for her to know. But she wanted her friend to know that her human friend was safe, that she was exactly where she wanted to be, she knew when she typed those words that her friend would understand, she would understand that the fitting wasn't necessary anymore, that the whole wedding would be canceled, that this may be the last time she would ever hear from her, that this may be goodbye._

__To: Caroline__

__Message : Found him.__

* * *

><p><em>It took him another two hours to wake up and he woke up just like she wanted him to, his eyes locked with hers the moment he opened them and a small smile crept across his face.<em>

_"You 'd think that the human in the room would need this much sleep." she was resting on her elbow her cheek pressing in her palm, the other hand was stroking the raven black hair out of his beautiful face so the ocean blue eyes became the center of her attention. _

_He grabbed her hand and placed a soft kiss on her wrist before placing her hand on his cheek "Vampirism is overrated." he pressed his cheek in her palm and closed his eyes again._

_"I'm glad you're a vampire." the words escaped her mouth and she wished she could take them back. She knew how much he hated being a vampire, how he would give everything to be human again, how he wanted to grow older, how he wanted to have a normal life, a family, children, how much she wanted that family to be theirs, how much she wanted to have his children. _

_"And why is that?" his eyes snapped open, he tried to not let it show but she saw it in his eyes, she saw the sadness that was there. _

_All she could do was being honest with him "Because if you weren't a vampire, you wouldn't be here." she knew she was selfish, but she was glad that he was a vampire, not that he was a bloodsucking monster or that he could kill people faster than her eyes could blink. But because she knew otherwise she would have never met the person that was meant to be hers, she would have never known the person she was made for, she would have never known love like this. The type of love that could break you and destroy you in one second and glue you back together the next._

_"And look where it brought you, I've never seen a person so broken, so hurt, so lifeless, and I've been around for a long time." his voice was soft, he knew that he was the reason that she had been that person, maybe still was that person._

_"But all of that is gone now, it was gone the moment you showed up behind me in the mirror." she snuggled closer to him and placed her forehead against his. _

_"You didn't even think I was there." his voice sounded teasing but his eyes told her that he was still blaming himself, blaming himself because he had left her, blaming himself because he had doubted her, blaming himself for even believing a second that she could love someone else._

_"No, I couldn't believe you were there. That's something totally different." her voice sounded defensive and it made him smile a little, he had always loved this stubborn side of hers. The side that would push him out of the shower when he tried to sneak in on her, the side that would keep telling him no when he tried to persuade her to ditch family night and stay with him, that side that would so easily give in and let him stay in the shower with her and let her ditch family night to stay in bed with him._

_"Oh yeah? What's the difference?" she knew he was trying to push her, she let him._

_"Well you had been gone for five years and suddenly you showed up behind me, I couldn't believe what I saw." she punched his chest with her fist and lifted her leg up to place it over his hip. _

_He placed his hand hand on her leg and grabbed her ham to pull her flush against him. They were both very naked and her whole body reacted to the intimate contact. "That's exactly the same, you just couldn't believe I was there."he sounded so smug and if she didn't love his face so much, loved him so much. She would have wiped the smugness of his face with her fist. "You know I'm right." he started placing kisses on her jaw and made his way to her neck while his hand was touching and stroking her whole body. _

_She surrendered, knowing she wouldn't win this fight, she only won their fights when he let her "Can you just kiss me already?" she looked down at him where he was sucking on the skin above her collarbone. _

_He looked up with a smile on his face, a smile that made her heart melt and he lifted himself up and lowered his face towards her, when their lips almost touched she felt him breath against her mouth "I can."_

_"Can you please just shut up?" he was talking to her stomach, he had been for almost 10 minutes, begging it to stop growling so that they could continue what they had been doing for the last 2 hours, begging it for just one more round, he had started asking nicely but her stomach didn't seem as affected by him as the rest of the world it just kept growling and he __became frustrated with it, he had lost his patience a minute ago. She knew that she would have __to be frustrated with him for ignoring her human needs but it was so funny seeing him talking to her tummy. She imagined it round, big, with a baby kicking in it, his baby but quickly removed the image out of her head, knowing that she wouldn't have that, not if she stayed with him but she would stay with him and not having a normal life with him wouldn't keep her from that, this was what she wanted, she wanted him, this is what she had signed up for. _

_Wanting her thoughts somewhere else she pulled him up by his hair "Why don't we just go grab a bite and in half an hour we'll be back in here." she liked the idea, she wanted to keep making love but she became dizzy by the lack of food in her body. _

_"I know when you're with me you're in our own little world but you can't tell me that you haven't noticed the pouring rain outside ? There are windows in this room you know." he was mocking her, her and her stomach._

_"We'll just take the car." it was obvious, why hadn't he thought about it?_

_"The car is at the bar, remember? You came by vampire." he did the eye-thing and stared at her face waiting for her reaction, he was having way too much fun._

_"That's why everything was going so fast." she hadn't noticed much about how they got here, she was glad they had. _

_"You seemed a little distracted." he smiled at her and pulled himself of the bed, she pulled him back so he was sitting on the edge of it and placed her head against his shoulder and trowed her legs around his waist. _

_"I bet I was." her stomach growled again, letting them know it was still present._

_He sighed "It's never going to shut up is it?" he grabbed his boxers on the floor and moved to pull them on when they were snapped from him._

_"Uh-Uh, those are mine!" she pulled her legs back and pulled them on. "And no, my stomach probably isn't going to shut up at least not until I've starved to death."_

_He stood up and grabbed his shirt from the floor "So you're telling me I have to get you food commando? It's a small town, people will talk."_

_She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at him very smugly "How would they know? Are you going to pull of your pants on the townsquare?" she grabbed his jeans that was trown next to her side of the bed and flinged it his way. _

_He rolled his eyes and pulled his jeans on "If you're keeping up this attitude, you're going to walk naked to the townsquare." he lifted up her clothes and she could see that they were all ripped._

_"I'll behave." she sighed defeated, she knew he was capable of letting her run around naked._

_He made his way towards the door and she jumped of the bed towards him, jumping on him and bringing her lips to his. _

_Her stomach growled again and he put her down, laughing. "I'll be back." he lowered his voice and winked at her before opening the door and stepping trough it. _

_"Be safe my terminator !" she closed the door behind him smiling._

_She made her way to the bathroom and pulled on the robe she had seen this morning._

* * *

><p><em>She entered the room again tucked in the robe and her hair in a ponytail.<em>

_"You're not going to give him up are you?" the voice came out of nowhere._

_She looked up and saw a familiar face sitting on the edge of the bed "Well Isobel, what is it with you always showing up when I'm not fully clothed?"_

_"He's back 2 days and he's already a bad influence. Don't talk to me like that Elena, I only want what is best for you and that's not snapping your neck because Damon is rubbing of on you." the vampire crossed her arms and looked at her threatening._

_"And you think marrying Stefan is best for me?" she raised her eyebrows and her voice was full of disbelief._

_"I know it is." Isobel patted the seat next to her and gestured for her to come sit next to her._

_She made her way towards the bed and sat down but still left some space between her and the vampire. _

_"Enlighten me please." she actually wanted to hear her explanation. Not that it would matter, she knew who she belonged to, she knew that she would always choose this life, she knew she didn't want anything else._

_Isobel let her hands rest in her lap and looked up, locking her gaze with her daughter "With Stefan you would have a save life, you would have a life I want for you, that John would want for you, that Miranda & Grayson would have wanted for you. Stefan is save, you like spending time with him, you love him in a certain way, he's your best friend and even if he turns you, you wouldn't be in danger."_

_She decided not to comment on her mom and dad's name, it was a low blow but Isobel knew it."And why wouldn't I be safe with Damon? He protected me when Klaus was coming after me, he saved me so many times, he's the safest place I know."_

_Isobel looked at her and she could see compassion in her eyes, maybe even pity. "I know he'll protect you, I know he's been doing it since the start but what if he's the one who needs protecting? You wouldn't die for Stefan, you wouldn't kill for Stefan but you would do it for him without thinking about it, you would die protecting him and I can't let my daughter die, I accepted the fact that you're going to become a vampire but I won't let you die protecting someone who isn't worth protecting."_

_She knew Isobel was right but she couldn't see what was so bad about that, he was worth protecting, he was worth her life, she would trade hers for his before thinking about it, he was everything to her and she wasn't going to let Isobel tell her otherwise "You don't know what you're talking about."_

_She stood up and walked towards the door preparing to open it. _

_"You think I don't get how much you love him, how much it pained you to be away from him? I watched you Elena, I watched you crawl in a corner, sobbing and clenching your body because it hurted so much, I've seen you do it a thousand times. You seemed to be doing better the past months and it gave me all the more reason to keep him away from you because if he would come back, he would do it all over again." Isobel stood up to and came to stand in front of her, not bothering to get out._

_"I wasn't doing better, I was only doing a better job of hiding it."she stared back in the vampires eyes and she could see that the words had touched her. _

_"Than at least go back to Mystic Falls and break up with Stefan in a decent way, he took care of __you for all those years, he deserves it, it's not in you to just leave someone hurt, it's not the way they raised you." Isobel was gone before she could answer that. _

_Damon walked in half an hour later with clothes and food. She would have laughed at him for looking like a drowned cat but she had other things on her mind, he seemed to notice._

_"I brought the car." he looked at her expecting an answer that related to needing the car._

_She looked up at him and smiled "I have to go cancel my wedding." to her surprise, he didn't look surprised, he looked determined._

_"I'm coming with you."_


	10. Chapter 10

**Long lost & gone**

Chapter 10

_"Do it." she felt his fangs scraping on the side of her neck. They were sitting in the bath and the water was spilling on the floor._

_"No, I'm fine." he thought she wanted him to feed from her because he was hungry but he was wrong, she needed this, it was a privilege she had always shared with him and never with Stefan._

_"Damon please, if it's not for you than do it for me." she was begging him not only because she knew he was starving but because she wanted her blood running trough his veins, feeding him, strengthen him._

_She felt him hesitate behind her and pulled his head towards her neck to encourage him, he started placing kisses on the vein in her neck and she sighed knowing that he was surrendering, knowing that in a few moments they would be connected in two places. _

_She moved herself up and down on his length and felt that she would climax any second "Damon please." she whimpered. The moment his fangs broke trough her skin she felt the wave of pleasure taking over her body, her walls clenched together and she felt his fluids flow inside her, her spasms were milking him dry as she felt him sucking her blood eagerly. _

_She leaned back against his chest, knowing that he had better access to her throat and she enjoyed the feeling of being one with him, the feeling of feeding him her love. When her body started to feel limb he retracted his fangs and licked the wound clean, she pulled his head up and kissed him, still tasting her blood in his mouth, her tongue licked all her blood from his and she moaned knowing that he had drunk from her, that she had pleasured him in all the ways she could._

_He pulled her down with him, letting her head rest on his chest "It's good to be back here.". They were in his room in the boardinghouse, they had arrived late last night and went straight to bed, not wanting to deal with all the drama, they would have enough time for that. _

_"Promise you'll never leave me again." she whispered against his chest, knowing he would hear._

_"Where did that come from?" he lifted her chin up with one finger and looked at her. _

_"Just promise me whenever you leave this place that you'll take me with you even if you travel to the North Pole, don't leave me." tears started forming in her eyes and he wiped them away with his tumb. _

_"Why would I leave you, even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be strong enough to do it." his eyes became full of sorrow._

_"But you left me before, you walked away from me once and I barely survived, if you leave me again it will kill me." he kissed the tears away and stroked her hair, knowing from experience that it would calm her down._

_"Yes, I left you and it was the biggest mistake I've ever made and I've made a lot of them, but I promise you, I won't leave you, I'll always be right here." she saw in his eyes that he meant it, that he wouldn't leave her, that she was save to pull him in her heart again, not that he had ever gotten out but she didn't need to be afraid anymore to be left behind like the puzzle she once was._

_"Where have you been for five years?" she had wondered about it but it wasn't the most important thing to her. He was here and that was more important than the places he had been the past five years._

_He sighed "Probably everywhere."she could see that he didn't want to talk about it but she wanted to know, she was curious about it, she deserved to know she had spent five years longing for him, she had to know where he had been, what he had been up to but she didn't want to push him._

_"Just give me the short version." she just wanted to picture him in all the places he had been, all the places he could take her to._

_He stared at her and surrendered, not able to resist the look in her eyes that was begging him to tell her. "Spain was to hot, Canada to cold, France had bad food, England bad weather, Belgium to much chocolate, China to much rice, Italy was good but I still like it best here, just in Mystic Falls, it's home."_

_"Tell me about Italy." he wasn't going to get away with it so easily, she wanted to hear what he had done, what he had seen, she wanted him to take her every place he had visited, had touched, had smelled, had tasted._

_"Well, the men really are short over there, I'm glad I'm only half Italian but they were right about the charm, I noticed a lot of my equals. They drive nice fast cars and have the most amazing fashion taste." he sighed and looked at her, seeing she was not pleased " the truth is, I didn't came out of my hotelroom, only to visit the bloodbanks, I locked myself up and drowned myself in self-pity with a lot of bourbon. I missed you, I missed you so much, I tried to shut it off but my body wouldn't let me, it remembered you and only you, when I ran out of scotch in my room I visited bars and girls would hit on me but I was never intrested, they didn't look like you, didn't smell like you and they sure as hell didn't taste like you. I missed you, I missed you as much as you missed me. When Caroline found me I acted like I didn't know her, like I had never heard your name because it hurted so much, she asked me to come back but I knew I would see you with Stefan all happy and in love, I thought you were happy." he stopped talking and she could see the tears in his eyes, the mask he always kept up so carfully had broken, he had broken and she thought she would never live to see this. At the same time she felt her heart break because he had felt the same as she had and she didn't want that for him, it didn't matter if she hurted, if she died slowely and painfully but nobody or nothing was to touch him, to hurt him._

_"But you came back even though you thought I was happy."she was crying with him and their tears collided together on his chest, making their way down in the bath._

_"I think I just wanted to see you one last time, it took me five days to get here after Caroline had found me. I told her that I only came back to see you just one more time and then she told me the story, what they had told you, what you had believed, that you still loved me, that you never stopped loving me." his voice broke and his eyes and cheeks were full of tears, she kissed them away and pulled his head down to her heart._

_She struggled to breath and she felt him gasping for air against her breast but even without oxygen she had to tell him this, she needed to get this out, he needed to know, he deserved to, he was the only one that had ever deserved those words coming out of her mouth._

_"I love you, I love you, I love you so much, I don't know how I survived without you." she placed kisses on his forehead and kept muttering I love you's between them. _

_She felt him opening his mouth, trying to talk but nothing came out, he was sobbing in her arms and she held him tighter, almost suffocating him. _

_"Shhh, don't talk, it's okay, it's okay baby, I love you."_

* * *

><p><em>"Wel don't you look... naked." she heard the voice and turned around in shock.<em>

_"Ow Jeremy, you scared me." she let out a giggle and closed the fridge, it was good to see him, with all the drama the past week she hadn't had time for her brother._

_He jumped on the counter and she remembered the times when their mom would lecture him for doing that but apperantly it hadn't paid off. "Is this what you do when Stefan is not home, run around naked with the door unlocked?" he smirked at her and she became aware of her appearance, there was a white towel wrapped around her breasts and her hair was pulled back in a ponytail and there were slippers on her feet._

_"No, I just came out of the shower and I was hungry but there isn't any food in here." she looked frustrated at the fridge, mad at it for being empty._

_"Uh Lena, that's why I'm here remember?" he smiled at her and kept swinging his legs up and down. _

_"You brought me food?" she smiled to, remembering how hungry she was._

_"Come on Elena. Don't act stupid, you and Bonnie have been nagging about it for days, I had to come because I am the one that's capable of eating the most food." he waved his hands in the __air imitating Bonnie when she tried to persuade someone. _

_But she didn't know what he was talking about so she just kept staring at him. _

_"Go on ! Get ready, Bonnie is late but she's going to be here in 15 minutes, you better get dressed so we can leave immediately when she arrives, that caterer isn't going to keep the food warm all day." she sighed, remembering the appointment with the caterer, an appointment that wasn't necessary anymore._

_She moved closer to him, holding her hands up in defeat "Jer, there's something I need to tel..." before she could finish her sentence her brother grapped her shoulder and pulled her in front of him "What's that?" he was looking at her neck, pushing his finger on the bite mark, it stinged so she pulled back. _

_"It nothing, Jer." she rolled her eyes, trying to wave it of._

_"That's a bitemark Elena, did you feed Stefan your blood? Or did he force you to?" his look became full of anger and he jumped off the counter, pulling her back again. _

_"It wasn't like that." she tried to reason with him because he was already making assumptions that weren't right. She needed to tell him about Damon but he wouldn't let her._

_"You know what happened last time he drank human blood." she could see his head spinning, already dealing with the situation._

_"Good thing he didn't." they both turned around to the voice, Damon was casually leaning against the wall, his chest was bare and he was wearing a black jeans that was hanging dangerously low. _

_"You." Jeremy spat at him, Elena had a small smile on her face knowing that she wouldn't have to do this alone._

_He pushed himself of the wall and came to stand on the other side of the counter "Well yeah. Me." he wiggled his eyebrows and a smirk is on his face._

_"What are you doing here?" Jeremy grabbed the wooden spoon on the counter and pointed it in Damon's direction._

_"Come on, put that down, I really don't want to be the first vampire in history staked by a spoon." he had his hands up in an apologizing gesture._

_"Bonnie told me what you did to her, use her, abuse her." he shook his head in disbelief._

_Elena stepped forward and tried to take her brothers arm "Jeremy, he never used me."_

_Damon sighed "It's sounds like something I would do but no, I didn't."_

_Jeremy's head snapped up "He compelled you didn't he?"_

_Elena shook him by his shoulder"No Jeremy, I love him, I've never loved anyone else."_

_He turned his head towards Damon " You just couldn't help yourself could you? You had to come back and mess up her life all over again, she's good with Stefan, she's happy, why can't you let her be happy?" he spit the words towards Damon. _

_But Damon didn't get the chance to answer "Because I'm never going to be happy without him, I never was !" she was yelling and stepped away from Jeremy, both men in the room were staring at her._

_There was a minute of silence, just two humans breathing and one vampire studying their faces._

_Jeremy was the first one to break the silence, he turned his head towards Damon and spoke very softly "I'll kill you."_

_After those words everything happened so fast, Elena moved towards Damon expecting Jeremy to attack him but he didn't go for Damon, the sharp point of the spoon came her way and Jeremy's face was like the devil ready to plunge it in her chest, she felt herself being moved behind a hard body, her vision was blocked and she heard a scream of torture, no a scream of dead. _

_She opened her eyes again, the body in front of her hadn't moved, it stood frozen. She peeked around it and saw her brother on the floor, blood around him, covering his clothes, the wooden spoon sticking out of his chest. _

_She started screaming and ran towards the body on the floor, bending next to it and shaking it, __trying to wake it up. But it didn't respond, she didn't know how many seconds, minutes or hours went by before she felt two strong arms wrap around her waist and pull her back against his chest. _

_She turned around and buried her face in his chest "Help him, please help him." she sobbed against his chest and she felt him pulling her closer._

_"He's gone Elena, there's nothing I can do." his voice sounded broken, helpless._

_She looked up, looking at his face "No, No , No , N..o."_

_He looked back at her but she couldn't see his expression clear with the tears in her eyes "It was an accident, I tried to take the spoon from him but he moved it and I don't know how but it ended up in his chest. I'm so sorry it's all my fault."_

_She shook her head, remembering what her brother had once told her "When he found out that you had turned Vickie he came up with al these ideas to kill you, he said that the easiest way to kill you was by shooting a wooden bullet at me, he knew you would jump in front of me."_

_Damon didn't know what to say, he knew the kid was smart but he hadn't thought about that himself. _

_They stood there, she sobbing in his chest and he whispering in her hair how sorry he was. _

_She looked up at him, knowing she had to do this, knowing she had to think fast "Go."_

_He stared at her, not knowing if he had heard her right "What?" his brows pulled together._

_She couldn't do this, but she had to if she wanted to save him "Bonnie is on her way, she'll kill you."_

_He shook his head, disbelief all over his face " No, it was an accident."_

_She cupped his face in her hands and held it tight, staring into his eyes like she could see right into his soul " You know she won't see it that way. Damon, you need to go."_

_He grabbed her arms, holding onto her "No, I'm not leaving you, I'm not breaking my promise."_

_She smiled at him, grateful that she had been right, that he had meant it when he said he wouldn't leave her "But I'm asking you to, you need to get out of here or she'll kill you."_

_He shook his head "Only if you're coming with me." she kept staring in his eyes, how much she wanted to go with him, how much she needed to use all her strength to tell him to leave her because she knew how it would hurt. _

_"I have to stay here, this is my punishment. I got you back, I prayed for you to come back for five years. There aren't many people that come back from the death, but you have. And is time for me to pay the price." she couldn't see his face anymore, the tears were blurring her vision. _

_She felt the grip on her arms tighten "Why are you doing this?" his voice was a whisper and she almost hadn't heard it with the loud sobs coming from her throat._

_"Because I love you, because I've always loved you, because I'll never love someone else, because I'll love you forever and if she kills you, she'll kill me to. I can be happy knowing that you're alive, knowing that I got to spend the last few days with you, I can live forever with those memories, they'll be enough to keep me sane." she stroked his face fiercely, remembering every curve in it, this was the last time she was going to see him, touch him, talk to him and it killed her already, she would marry Stefan to protect him, she would mourn her brother in the wrong arms, she would be aching for the rest of her enternal life and she didn't care, she needed to get him out of here, she needed to get him safe, she needed him to be alive for her to live. "Go." she pulled her hands from his face and pushed his chest towards the door._

_"Come with me."it broke her heart, after all those years she wanted to hear those words she had to ignore them to keep him safe. _

_"She'll find us." her voice was a whisper and she knew there wasn't much time left, he needed to go and she would go back to being the puzzle._

_"She'll find me to." he tried to convice her, convince her to come with him and every nerve in her body screamed to run to his car and get in to never come back._

_"No, she won't. She'll never know you were here."she sounded sure, and she was because there was already a plan in her head, a plan that would protect him, a plan that would never reveal the truth._

_"Elena.." he shook his head defeated but still not moving to get out of here._

_"No listen to me, loving you, it was the easiest and hardest thing I've ever done but it made me feel, it made me feel every emotion that a human can experience, it broke me and nearly killed __me but I don't regret any second of it. I would give anything to relive those seconds again even if I know how much pain they will cause me afterwards. I lost you and got you back and it's more than I could ever wish for but I can't keep you, that's not in god's plan, this is my repayment to him, this is my punishment for getting all I ever wanted because he gave me you, I lived and loved again for those four days and I'll remember them forever." she pulled his head down and pushed her lips against his, he grabbed her neck and pulled her further in the bruising kiss. She knew that he had accepted it, that this was his goodbye, that this was her death._

_She pulled away and kept her eyes closed. "Go."_

_She felt a breeze and opened her eyes again, she was alone in the room with a dead body a few feet away from her. _

_She rushed upstairs into Damon's bedroom and threw all his clothes in plastic bags, she removed the covers from the bed and grabbed his tootbrush, gel and every other item she could find that had belonged to him. She ran to the backyard with the bags in her hand, she put them in the barrel behind the house and watched them burn. Nobody would ever be able to track him not even she, not if there wasn't anything left of him._

_She heard a car pull up the driveway and went inside, the door rang and she prepared herself to open it. She took a last deep breath and swung it open._

_She saw Bonnies smile fade when she saw the blood on the towel that was still wrapped around her body. She rushed inside, freezing when she saw the death body on the floor, the body of her lover, the body of her best friends brother. _

_She bent next to him and started shaking him, screaming his name, demanding him to wake up. _

_"Wh... whaa...what.. happened?" her voice broke so many times. _

_Elena moved towards her slowly "He's dead, he was killed."_

_The witch's head snapped up, rage in her eyes, preparing herself for a battle. _

_"Who? Who killed him?" she could hear the bloodlust in Bonnie's voice but it didn't make her back off. She had something way more valuable to protect, her love, her soul, her heart. He had taken them all with him and it made her want to protect it even more. _

_" I did."_


	11. Chapter 11

**Long lost & gone**

Chapter 11

_"W__h... whaa...what.. happened?" her voice broke so many times._

Elena moved towards her slowly "He's dead, he was killed."

The witch's head snapped up, rage in her eyes, preparing herself for a battle.

"Who? Who killed him?" she could hear the bloodlust in Bonnie's voice but it didn't make her back off. She had something way more valuable to protect, her love, her soul, her heart. He had took them all with him and it made her want to protect it even more.

" I did."

Bonnie's eyes softened and became full of questions "What do you mean?"

Elena couldn't hold back the tears any longer, her brother was dead and he wasn't going to come back "I mean it's my fault he's dead." her voice broke and she collapsed to the ground next to Bonnie, crying over her brothers body, it was her fault, it was her fault Damon was here, it was her fault she fell in love all those years ago, it was her fault that she couldn't give that love up, it was her fault that her brother still tried to protect her.

Bonnie took her shoulders and shook her "This is not your fault, whatever happened it is not your fault, you would never hurt your brother, just tell me what happened so we can sort this out." her voice was heavy and her breathing was uneven, she was still crying, still in shock but she was holding herself together better than the girl in the towel next to her.

Elena knew she had to tell the story, the story she came up with "There was a vampire, he was here for me and Jeremy was here too, he tried to protect me but he ended up getting himself killed." even though it was close to the truth she still felt bad for lieing, Bonnie deserved to know how her lover had died, just like she had deserved to know how Damon had died but it hand't kept the witch from lieing, they were even now.

Bonnie was gasping for air, her arms were wrapped around her chest "H..ow... did.. he ..g...et.. in?"her voice wasn't steady and Elena was worried that she was having a panick attack.

"I don't live here officially so there are no human residents." she tried to calm herself down but seeing her brother lying next to her, pale, his shirt bloody, his mouth hanging open and his body stiff, it made the tears and the ache come back every time.

Bonnie was talking to herself "Why did he stop wearing that stupid ring? He thought when the fight was over and all the evil vampires were dead or gone he wouldn't need it anymore, I kept telling him he should wear it but he always said it was to heavy for his taste."

Elena started tearing harder, he wouldn't have been dead if he still wore the ring, Damon was a vampire, he was staked by a vampire, he would have come back to life, why didn't he wear the stupid ring?

Elena didn't say anything, she didn't find the words, there were no words in a situation like this.

"What should we do?" Bonnie's voice snapped her out of her trance.

"I don't know, it's to late to call an ambulance, a doctor doesn't matter, I don't know what to do." she was helpless, they both were, they were two girls, two girls that were twenty-three years old, they didn't know how to handle this situation, they shouldn't be in this situation.

Bonnie was still caressing Jeremy's face like she thought it would wake him up, that this was just a sunday morning in bed and he would open his eyes any second "Maybe you should get yourself cleaned up, I can't stand the blood on you, I'll call Alaric maybe he knows what to do." she never turned her gaze away from the dead body on the floor while she spoke, her voice was soft and full of sorrow.

Elena stood up "Bonnie, I'm so sorry I never meant for this to happen. It all happened so fast, I couldn't save him, I couldn't stop him, I'm so sorry."

Bonnie tore her eyes away from her brothers dead body to stare at her "It's okay Lena, it isn't your fault, if that vampire is still in Mystic Falls, we'll find him and we'll kill him."

* * *

><p>"When I heard that my sister and brother-in-law had died, I couldn't believe that I had to take care of two kids, I couldn't believe that a college student like me that was still drunk every night and out partying, that that person would have to be an example to these two teenagers that had just lost their parents in a tragic car accident, I thought that I would only mess them up and that it would be a pain in the ass for me. But the longer I stayed with them the more I cared about them, the more I came to see them as my family. I wasn't the only one that needed to be an example, they were an example to me, Jeremy was. Not because he taught me how to play the sims on the computer or because he learned me how to play videogames, more for his own benefit than mine but because he learned me how it was like to be a family, he accepted me, me and my crazy behaviour, he showed me that taking care of someone wasn't just cleaning up after them or helping them with their papers or teaching them how to drive, he showed me that taking care of someone was just loving them, protecting them. I tried to protect my family but I failed, I lost my favorite nephew because I wasn't able to protect him and I'm sorry for that, I'm sorry that I wasn't able to protect you Jer. I'm so sorry and I'll miss you so much, I promise I will try to do a better job, I hope you just give me a hand from up there. I love Jeremy, I hope you found your peace." Jenna's face was full of tears and she couldn't hold herself together anymore, Alaric had to drag her away from the coffin to take her back to her seat next to Elena.<p>

The ceremony was coming to an end, they had all said their goodbye to Jeremy and roses were given to the people on the graveyard. The coffin started to lower and they threw the roses on the coffin that dissapeard in the hole in the ground.

Nobody had been able to keep their eyes dry and the sounds of crying and sniffing had been there during the whole funeral. Elena and Jenna were the worst, they had been crying during the whole thing without stopping for a second. Bonnie tried to keep herself strong and not to show any emotions but there were small tears rolling over her cheek, she still wasn't over the shock, she didn't realise that Jeremy was gone, that the love of her life was gone, but she would soon enough. Alaric held Jenna's hand during the whole ceremony and even helped her to stand up during her farewell speech. Elena had been strong enough to do it on her own even though her hand was held during the whole ceremony it didn't bring her any comfort, she had lost the two people she loved the most in the world in one day. One of them was still out there but it felt like he had died all over again, she couldn't touch him, couldn't see him, couldn't love him.

She let go of Stefan's hand to stand up, he had come back early when he'd heard of Jeremy's death, he tried to support her trough the whole mourning process, holding her, comforting her, hugging her but the truth was that he only made it worse. She didn't want to be in his arms, she didn't want to be comforted by him, she didn't want to be loved by him.

"We still have to arrange a few things with the minister, after that we're going back to our house, we would like it if you joins us all there for coffee or a cup of tea." Alaric spoke to the crowd and he tried to keep his tone light but she could see it was killing him too, he had become like their stepfather and he had come to love them like his own family, losing Jeremy was as hard on him as it was on her and Jenna.

Elena wanted to get out of here, she wanted to run from all of this, from all of them. She looked at the trees surrounding the graveyard and found her way out. There was a man leaning against one of the trees, his eyes boring into hers like he could see right into her soul, his arms wide open for her to run in, her body trembling to do it.

"You coming?" Stefan's voice made her turn away from the ocean blue eyes.

She didn't want to go with him, she had found her way out even if it was only for five minutes, she needed those five minutes "I'll go with Alaric and Jenna talk to the minister, they don't need to do this alone, they've been trough enough." she looked at the ground ashamed that she used her brothers death as an excuse.

Stefan cupped her face in his hands "So have you but I understand, I'll wait for you in the car."

She nodded, he pulled away and made his way to his car on the other side of the graveyard. She was out of sight and left alone next to her brothers coffin.

Turning around she saw that she hadn't imagened the man against the tree, he was still there, his arms were still open and this time she couldn't look away from him, she dropped her purse and ran to him as fast as she could, his eyes didn't leave hers and she kept staring at them, seeing them coming closer every time she moved her feet, she felt his body coming closer with every step and she felt the ache in her chest decrease with every step, he didn't meet her in the middle, he kept his place and kept his arms open for her. She felt like she had run a marathon when she finally clashed against his chest and strong arms were wrapped around her, holding her up and comforting her like she should have been comforted the past two days. She clung to his shoulders and burried her face in his neck, tears running down her face. She held onto him like he was her lifeline because he was, he was her everything, her heart, her soul, her mind, her body, her love, he was her.

He placed kisses on the side of her face and rubbed her back, rocking her in his hold. The tears faded and she pulled her head up, locking her eyes with his and cupping his face in her hands.

"I told you to leave." she rubbed his cheek with her tumb and felt him pressing his face into the palm of her hand.

"And since when do I what I'm told?" his voice was soft, his usual arrogance was missing.

"But this is in your own benefit so maybe you should listen for once." her voice sounded teasing but she was glad he was here, that she had one last time to touch him, to kiss him, to hold him, she was glad he never did what he was told.

He pulled his head out of her palm and his expression became angry, frustrated "Leaving you is not in my benefit Elena."

"But you have to, if you stay here Bonnie will find you and kill you, you have to get out of town, out of state, out of the country, you have to get as far away from here as possible." she couldn't believe she was telling him this, she wanted him as close as possible, she wanted him closer than he was now, she wanted him under her, next to her, inside her, always.

"Than come with me and I will leave, I'll leave this town, this state, this country, I'll leave this planet just come with me."his eyes were boring into hers and he was begging her, she had never seen him beg maybe because he never had to, he alway got what he wanted even with her, he never had to beg her and she knew why, nobody could resist him, he was a force that came into her life to make her feel everything, to let her experience everything, he was a force that had destroyed her and fixed her, he was the force that made her so selfless that it would hurt her for the rest of her existence and she didn't care because without it her life was meaningless, it had no goal or no direction. He was the force that made her do this, he was the force that gave her the strength to do this.

"Damon stop it, I can't. If I leave they will put two and two together, they'll figure it out. Nobody knows you were here they think you are sipping on a cocktail in Casablanca. If Bonnie finds out you were here, she'll track you down and kill you before I even get the chance to talk her out of it. Even if she doesn't find you every witch that knows her or her family will try to kill you. You know what happened with her grandmother, she knew about you even if Emily died years before she was born, she still wanted to kill you because of what you did to her ancestors."she tried to keep herself together but she was glad that he was still holding her because her knees were shaking and her feet couldn't move to find support against a tree, she was still cupping his face trying to keep her eyes at his height.

He shook his head " I don't care, We'll never stay at the same place, we'll move every minute of the day if that means we can stay together." he sounded tortured, he was pleading, for once in his life he needed someone and that someone was telling him to leave, to leave on his own and live for the rest of his life away from her.

She didn't want to argue, any minute somebody could come looking for her and find them all wrapped up in each other "Damon, leave."

He pulled his arms from her back and cupped her face just the way she was holding his "No, I came here because I need to tell you something."

She sighed, he was making up excuses to stay, to keep her here but she couldn't resist him, she had never been able to "What's that Damon?"

She saw the sadness in his face dissapeared only to be replaced by something she had never seen in his eyes before.

"I love you Elena." his eyes were full of love, they were radiating it on her, they were consuming her with it.

All she could do was press her lip against his, she had waited five years for those words, he had never said them to her. She knew he loved her, she knew that he would have given his life for her without a second thought, she knew she would do the same and yet those three words made it seem all so more real, they made them more real. He pulled his hands from her face to grab her waist and pull her flush against him, she moved her hands from his face to his hair to hold him captive in their kiss. He lifted her up and slammed her back against the tree he had been leaning on, she removed his jacket while he held her up and started unbuttoning his shirt when they heard someone call her name.

She pulled her lips away from his demanding mouth and he put her down, his forehead resting against hers "Come with me."

She shook her head against his "I can't, it's not safe."

"Okay" he paused and cupped her face again "Then I'll come back for you."

"No, you won't know when it's safe." she struggled with herself, knowing that maybe she was never going to be able to do this "I'll find you."

He shook his head fiercely "You won't know where I am, you won't find me."

She grabbed the hands that were resting on her cheeks and squeezed them in her own "I'll find you, I found you in Georgia. When the time is right I'll find you, it can take forever but I'll find my way back to you, I always do."

Her name was called again and they could both hear the voice was getting closer.

"I have forever Elena, I can wait forever. Just promise me, promise me you'll find me." his voice sounded hopeful and she couldn't miss the small smile that appeared on his lips, it made him even more beautiful.

She started to pull away when the voice called her name again, she let go of his hands and pulled them from her face, she gave him one last quick kiss and looked in his eyes before turning around and making her way back to the graveyard.

"Promise me." his voice was demanding but she could Stefan walking towards her, she wanted to go back, her whole body screamed to go back behind the trees, back to the man that was begging her to come with him.

Stefan was approaching her and would reach her in no time, she allowed herself one last look over her shoulder to see tears in his eyes, it made her tear up all over again.

Stefan reached her and handed her the purse she had thrown in the grass "Everything okay?" his voice was soft, comforting, ignorant.

"Yea, I just needed some air." she felt his arm wrap around her when he lead her back to his car. She didn't need to look around to know he was still there in the shadows, she felt his eyes on her and her body still felt his presence, she looked at the grass while Stefan pulled her forward "I promise." the words weren't more than a whisper but she knew he would hear. Stefan looked at her but didn't comment.

She looked up to see a crow cross the sky above them, flying straight into the horizon.


	12. Chapter 12

**Long lost & gone**

Chapter 12

"Come on Elena, it's time to get up." Caroline was pulling on the sheets, doing her best not to use too much of her vampire strength but Elena held onto them stubbornly.

With a sigh she gave up and placed herself on the edge of the bed next to her friend "Lena, this has to stop, it's been over a year, he's gone, they're both gone."

"I want them back." her face came out from under the covers and Caroline saw the dark circles under her red eyes, her face pale and skinnier than ever, she was killing herself.

The vampire lifted the covers up so she could sneak under them, she spooned her friend from behind and held her gently, afraid she might break if her grip was to tight "I know you want them back but it can't go on like this, you've been in bed for a year, you have to get out. This isn't fair to Jenna, she wants to see you. She hasn't seen you in months." Jenna had been on bed rest for four months but a week ago her niece was finally born. Elena had refused to visit her, she had refused to leave her bed. She only got out when she had a meeting with her Therapist, Stefan had forced her into grief counseling after Jeremy's death, pushing her because he couldn't stand it anymore, he couldn't stand seeing her crawl in a corner to cry, he couldn't watch her fall apart in front of him anymore, it hurted him to see her collaps to the floor where she would curl up and hug herself till the pain went away but it never went away, it only faded for a moment before it would lit back up again, the moments it faded she would run to get into their bedroom and lock herself up for the rest of the day. After a while she didn't see the point of coming out of the bed anymore, she knew after a few minutes she would end up back in it anyway.

"I know it's not fair but it hurts so much, it won't stop, it won't go away." Caroline could hear the tears in her voice.

"I know sweetie but you have to be strong, just start with today. Jenna wants you at the party, I'll be there for you, I'll be next to you the entire time." she rubbed her friends arm and felt her shiver in her embrace, she didn't liked to be touched.

"I want to be there but I can't, It won't go away, I can't make it stop."the trembling was getting worse and Caroline pulled the covers over her shoulder, knowing it wouldn't work but she had to do something, anything, anything to make her friend feel better. "I can make it go away." she whispered, not believing she just said that, but she would do it if it made her friend feel better, she would do anything to get her out of this bed and see her smile again. Elena turned around in the vampire's embrace, facing her "What do you mean?" she was whispering too.

"I mean, I can make you forget, I can make you forget he ever excisted, that you ever met him. I can take away the pain Elena. We all know this isn't about Jeremy, maybe at first but you've mourned your brother. It's him you will never stop mourning."

"But my memories keep me going, without them I won't be alive anymore." she shook her head, letting Caroline know this wasn't an option.

"But if you don't have those anymore the pain will be gone too, I can compel you to thinking that you once met Stefan's brother, he was a jerk, you didn't like him, when he left you were happy about it." Caroline knew that Elena wasn't going to accept this but she had to try, she wanted her friend back.

"I don't want to think about him that way, I love him, I love him more than anything. You can't take him away from me Caroline, don't take him away from me." she was having a panick attack, she was having them a lot lately, her whole body felt uneasy with Damon gone even more than the first time he left, because it knew he was still out there, he was still there to comfort her and to hold her, to make the trembling stop, to make the pain stop, to make a half, whole again.

"Shh... Elena." Caroline rubbed her arm under the covers, trying to soothe her.

"You can't take him from me, I promised I would find him."her breathing was getting heavy and uneven, there was a river of tears flowing out of her eyes.

"Shh...Sweetie, Nobody is going to take him from you." Caroline pulled her friend closer, taking the risk breaking her.

Elena snuggled deeper into her curls, hiding her face in them, her body started to relax against Caroline's and her voice became soft, exhausted "I promised."

"Maybe you should look for him, you can't go on like this, it I'll kill you." she pulled her head back so the face of her friend wasn't covered with her curls anymore.

Elena started to shake her head fiercely " No.. I can't, Bonnie is still looking. If I vanish she will look for me, you know how she reacted when I couldn't describe the vampire that killed Jeremy, she suspected something, she suspects me, I don't care about that but if she finds me, she will find Damon too." she could tell Caroline this, she was the only one that knew the truth about Jeremy's death, she had told her a long time ago because she needed someone to talk to, someone she could trust with it, someone that wouldn't judge her, judge him, judge them.

"I know, it's just that the postcards are coming more frequently, he misses you Elena, he's waiting for you." The postcards started showing up a week after Jeremy's funeral, they were send to Caroline's house with Elena's name on them, they didn't say anything they only had a photograph with a location on them, New York, Los Angeles, Madrid, Rome, Berlin, Paris, Georgia... After the first one it had taken a month before the second one arrived, the third one came three weeks later and the ones that followed usually sooner. Caroline would tell her about them but never gave them to her, she saved them in a box at her house so they wouldn't be discovered by Stefan or worse... Bonnie.

"What did it say?" she didn't like knowing where he was because every time Caroline told her a location she would take her laptop from the bedside table and start looking for every possible way to get to him, she would check flights, bus rides, car routes, bike rides. She would even consider walking five thousand miles if it would get her to him but she knew she had to stay here, she knew that neither of them were an option, she only asked because she had noticed a pattern in them lately.

"Vancouver."

She nodded her head, understanding that it fit in the pattern she had noticed"He's coming closer to home."

"You're afraid he's going to invade the wedding?" Stefan had cancelled the wedding, knowing they couldn't marry when her brother had died so he had moved it a year forwards, giving her more time to curse herself.

"I wouldn't mind that but it would get him killed."her voice sounded more steady now and her breating had become easier.

"Elena, if you don't want to marry Stefan we can find a way out, we can come up with something, it wouldn't be easy but there are other ways to protect him." Caroline's gaze was locked with hers and she was staring right into her core.

"No, I'll do this. I'll be Ms. Stefan Salvatore, he'll turn me and when Bonnie finally stops looking I'll find Damon, I'll have an eternity to look for him, to be with him." a small smile crept across her lips, liking the last part of her sentence.

"You don't have to turn, that aren't the right reasons to turn. Stefan assumes you'll be with him forever, that you want his blood flowing through you veins for eternity." Caroline didn't look away from her, she was reading her face, reading her whole body.

But she looked away from Caroline "You know I'm jealous of you because of that?"her voice was a whisper and she was afraid to look up again.

"Of what?" her voice sounded confused.

"His blood it's running through your veins, it turned you into a vampire, you'll have a piece of him forever. When Stefan turns me it won't mean anything to me." she held her gaze away from Caroline, ashamed of what she'd just confessed.

Caroline was quiet for a moment, thinking about what she was going to propose "If you want me to, I'll turn you after the wedding, his blood is in mine, it won't be much but I can make his blood flow into you too."

She finally looked up, seeing the sincere expression on her friends face "You would do that?"

Caroline nodded "Yes I would, I will. But this whole depression thing has to stop, you're going to get up, take a shower, dress and you're going to pay a visit to your new niece and aunt and you're going to stop whining about your miserable life and do something about it."

And with those words, with that promise, she got up and ran into the bathroom.

* * *

><p>She had her fist in the air prepared to knock the door but before she had the chance to, the door was pulled open, it reminded her of the times Damon did that.<p>

"Elena, you're here, I'm so glad you came !" she could see her aunt through the door, walking her way with her arms wide open, she cast a glance at the man that had pulled the door open, she didn't know him but the look on his face seemed familiar.

Jenna reached her and gave her a hug that had her gasping for air "Jenna, if you want me to stay, you better not kill me." she gave her aunt a smile when she pulled back.

Caroline was standing next to her and received the same welcome, she was a vampire so she didn't need air, Jenna could have a go with her.

She stared at the man at the door, he reminded her of someone "Oh, this is Cooper. Alaric's cousin, he's the bad boy." Jenna smiled at him and took their hands to pull them into the house.

"Every family should have a bad boy, just like every family has a geek, you married ours." his smile was bright and his brown eyes lit up, closing the door behind them.

"Well, this is my niece Elena and her friend Caroline, stay away from them." Caroline chuckled at Jenna's attempt to sound convincing and Elena managed to get a small smile on her face.

"So where is my niece ?" Elena was curious about the new Saltzman, she already knew that Jenna would ask her to babysit a lot, Jenna was still a partygirl and she dragged Ric with her every chance she got.

Jenna smiled at her, pleased "She's upstair asleep but you can go see her, she has Ric genes, not even a bomb besides her bed could wake her up."

"You go, I'll stay here, call me if you need me." Caroline squeezed her arm, reassuring her and walked towards Tyler.

* * *

><p>"You're so beautiful." she was stroking the babies cheek, wishing she could hold her but not wanting to take the risk of waking her up.<p>

Miranda Elena Saltzman was a beauty, Jenna had asked her before she was put on bed rest if it was okay to name the baby after her mother. She had assured her that it was fine, that she was honord, that her mother would be. She didn't tell her that she wouldn't use the name herself because she wouldn't ever have children.

The baby grabbed her finger in her tiny wrist, holding it "I wish I could give you a niece or nephew to play with. You would like that, wouldn't you?" she stroked Miranda's cheek with her other hand and stared at the tiny fist that was holding her finger "I mean, if they would take after their daddy, they would be rough around the edges, probably a bit mean too." she pictured her children in her head, blue eyes, black raven hair, smiles to die for. "But they would make the best friends you ever had. You should know your uncle, I wish you could meet him, I think he would like you. I know he likes your daddy, they were drinking buddies, it took them a long time to get there but they found their common intrest in scotch and bourbon." she chuckled at the thought of the vampire and the vampire slayer being friends, she had always found it weird.

The baby started stirring and released Elena's finger from her grip. Not wanting to wake her up completely she left her old room that was now transformed in a pink baby room with white furniture.

Crossing the corridor she saw the door to her brothers room, it was on a crack and she couldn't resist herself from taking a peek inside. She opened the door further and was met with a pair of chocolate brown eyes, red from crying and wiping.

"Hi Bonnie." she kept her voice firm.

"Hi, I just... I wanted to see his room, I have so many memories in here." she looked around and smiled.

"It's okay, I was doing the same." she managed to get a tiny smile on her face.

The brown eyes were filled with tears again "Does it ever get easier? It's been a year and I still feel like it was yesterday."

She knew what she was talking about, the pain, the hole in your chest, the inability to feel happy, to love someone else again "Everyone says it gets easier but I don't believe them, I still feel all of it." she shook her head, laughing inside at the people that had told her that, it only got worse.

"I can't imagine how it must be to go through that two times, first your parents then Jeremy but I know how it feels now, the pain that comes with losing your family" Bonnie wiped her nose and hold on to her chest.

She lifted her head up and spoke in a steady voice "No, it's the pain that comes with losing the one you love the most in the whole universe, the pain that comes with losing your future." she shrugged "By the way it's three times."

Bonnie looked up at her "How do you mean? It wasn't the same for you with John and Lucy, you didn't care that much about them."

"No but I cared about Damon." she locked her eyes with Bonnie's so she could see the fury in them.

Bonnie looked away from her face to let her eyes rest in her lap "That doesn't count, he isn't death."

She felt the fire in her burn "No you just told me he was." she spit it at her, still angry for making that choice, still angry for taking that choice away from her.

Bonnie got up and turned on her defensive mode, she could see it in her body language "You really think he cared for you? That he loved you? He just wanted Katherine back that's why he let you stay with Stefan so you acted just like her."

"He didn't want Katherine back !" she was shouting and she hoped the music downstairs was loud enough to keep this conversation private.

"How can you be so sure about that?" Bonnie pulled her eyebrow up, doubting her certainty.

"Because I know."

_"_I'm sorry you had to see that." his back was turned towards her, looking into the closet in front of him.__

_"_What? You and your boyfriend making out on the couch?" he shrugged "It's nothing I haven't seen before."__

_"_It's just that things have changed between us, I don't want you to think the wrong things." she kept her place against the doorframe, leaning against it.__

_"_And what would those things be?" he didn't turn around, he kept inspecting his closet, grabbing a few of his t-shirts and sweaters.__

_"_Just... " she sighed defeated "I don't know."__

__He took a pair of jeans from the hanger and threw them on the bed "Well maybe you should find out."__

__She saw him pulling out a travelbag from underneath the bed, finally realising what he was doing "You're leaving?" her voice pitched.__

_"_Yeah, don't worry it's just for a few days. I'll be back soon enough to interrupt your make out sessions with loverboy." he put the clothes in the bag and made his way to the bathroom.__

__She became frustrated, frustrated with his behaviour, frustrated because he was leaving, frustrated because she would have to miss him "What do you want from me?" she was yelling, she knew it, she didn't care.__

__She was pinned against the wall in less than a second, staring into wide blue eyes, feeling his chest pressed against her breast, her hips between his, his hands pressed against the wall next to her head, his warm breath on her face and her arms already holding onto his back.__

__Her breathing was heavy and she felt him shift slightly so there was more space between their bodies but she could still feel him everywhere "I know one thing, I don't want a second Katherine. I've been there, done that, didn't like it very much." his eyes were boring into hers and she stared right back, not afraid, not afraid to speak her mind.__

_"_I am not Katherine." she bit her teeth together and pushed her nails in his back, angry at him for saying that.__

_"_Well you're sure acting like her." his jaw tensed and his hips pressed himself harder into hers, she knew he was trying to push her buttons, he was daring her, daring her to play this game with him.__

_"_Ah." she put her finger to her chin, pretending to think "That's why you like me so much!"__

__His eyes became even wider, she knew he hated it when she said that he only wanted her because of her resemblance to Katherine, she also knew it wasn't true. __

__He pushed himself off the wall with a growl, zipping his bag up and throwing it over his shoulder while she stood frozen against the wall taking heavy breaths and missing his body against hers.__

__He passed her on his way to the door, before he could reach it she grabbed his arm "Don't ____leave." her voice was a whisper and she could see his eyes soften.__

_"_It's council business, it's only for four days. I'll be back before you know it." he came closer and placed a kiss on her forehead.__

__She shook her head, four days were too long, even four second were too long but she didn't ____want to sound desperate so she made her voice sound teasing "What am I going to do without you for four days?" she held onto his jacket, not wanting to let him go.__

__He put his bag down and his face was serious, he lifted his hand to stroke her cheek and locked his eyes with her "There's something you need to do for me."__

__She felt a lump in her throat, having a bad feeling about this but she nodded her head, ____preparing herself.__

_"_I need you to choose." she could see that he was serious, that he had enough of not being sure if she wanted him, if she needed him as much as she claimed. __

__She shook her head " It's not that simple."__

__He nodded "I know, I just want you to choose, I give you four days, we'll figure it out when I get back."__

__She just nodded and he pulled his hand away from her cheek, reaching for his bag on the floor.__

__He tried to step through the door but was pulled back, she was still holding his jacket. He looked at her and gave her a smile, a smile she returned before releasing him, him and his jacket. He grabbed the back of her neck with his free hand and pressed his lips against hers before leaving her alone with her thoughts.__

"You just don't get it. He didn't love you, he didn't even care for you. He used you to get back at Stefan and you let him." Bonnie was pointing her finger at her, treating her like a criminal.

"And even if that's true you still didn't have the right to take him from me." she was screaming, they both were, that music downstairs wouldn't cover it anymore.

"It was my job to protect you, I did my job, you were my best friend, you still are." she crossed her arms, probably because she knew if she pointed that finger one more time in Elena's direction she would lose it.

"You weren't my friend, my friend wouldn't have made me feel like this, my friend would have talked to me, my friend would have let me make my own decision. You are not my friend Bonnie." she bored her eyes into the chocolat brow ones, considering her next words very carefully "You are my worst enemy." letting them slide over her tongue, very slowly so they wouldn't miss their purpose.

And they didn't, she could see Bonnie's eyes soften, she started tearing up again "Why are you still here if you want to be with him so badly?"

She couldn't tell her why but she could make her feel even worse, she knew that this wasn't her, that she didn't hurt people but the witch had hurted her so much, so much without even realising it, she was the one still hurting her because even without realising it she was the reason that she had to stay here, to keep the witch here "Because my so called best friend doesn't want to track him with her special skills." she shrugged and turned around to leave.

"I'm sorry." the voice was a whisper but she still heard it.

She turned around in the doorway "But you're not going to do anything about it, are you?" she crossed her arms, still not wanting to forgive her, still not wanting to be the nice girl.

"No, I'm sorry I won't track him." she looked up with her judgy little eyes, letting her know that she wouldn't change her mind.

"I hope witches go to hell."

* * *

><p>She pulled her jacket on, shielding herself against the cool air.<p>

"Look who couldn't stay away." the voice came from the swing on the porch.

She recognised the man but couldn't remember his name "Hi, I'm sorry I just wanted some fresh air."

"It's okay, there's enough room on this swing for both of us." he patted the seat next to him and she sat down.

"So if you're Alaric's cousin than why didn't I see you at the wedding?" she looked at him and saw something shift in his eyes.

"Well, I could avoid this anwser but I'm really not in the mood.." he lifted his shoulders and took a deep breath, composing himself "my wife died the day before the wedding, Alaric and I, we've always been close but I just couldn't ruin his wedding with me moping around." he tried to smile but failed.

Elena touched his arm and did her best not to cry "I'm so sorry for asking."

He patted her hand "It's okay, you didn't know."

She wanted to make him feel better but didn't know how to so she decided to stay with fact "You don't look sad, You look..."

"Dashing, gorgeous, irresistible?" he smirked at her and lifted his eyebrows suggestively

And there it was, the person he reminded her of, the person she had seen in him when she walked in, the expression she recognised because she had seen someone wearing it before.

_Damon._

She laughed, not able to hold it back and for once she didn't feel the pain that came with thinking of him. She felt the joy from thinking of him.

He laughed with her "What's so funny?" he looked at her with that expression that made her think of a moment in Georgia, the moment where she was doing shots and daring him to order more of them.

She took a deep breath, trying to stop herself from laughing "Now I know why you and Alaric are so close." she couldn't stop laughing, she didn't know why, it wasn't that funny, but it felt so good.

He was still laughing with her, laughing because her giggles were like those of a twelve year old "Oh yeah? Why is that ?"

She sat up and leaned against the back of the swing "It's just, this friend of mine, you remind me so much of him, he used to spend a lot of time with Alaric too."

He sat up to "So if he's Alaric's friend than why isn't he here?" he was still laughing.

She stopped laughing, feeling the ache in her chest again "Because he died, a few years back." Alaric still thought he was death so she should probably tell his cousin the same.

He touched her arm like she had done before, she noticed she didn't flinch for the first time in months, she didn't mind him touching her, maybe because he resembled Damon so much. But at the same time he wasn't Damon, his eyes were brown not blue, his hair was also brown not the black raven hair she was used to, his face was soft and his mouth was thin, he looked in his early thirties not in his late twenties.

"I'm sorry." she patted his hand.

"It's okay, you didn't know." she used the same words as him on purpose, not wanting to give away to much of herself but she could feel her heart squeezing together again.

He looked at her and saw something in her eyes "He broke your heart." it wasn't a question, it was a statement.

Confusion started taking over her and she pulled her hand back"What?"

"I saw it when you walked in the door, I see it now in your eyes when you talk about him. He's the one that broke your heart." he sounded sure of himself and ofcourse he was right but how did he know?

"I'm sorry C..." she couldn't remember his name.

He seemed to notice "Cooper, just call me Coop."

"Well Coop, I will tell you something, I'm engaged to a wonderful man and I'm going to be married in a month, there is no other man for me than him, my heart is perfectly intact." she sounded very convincing even if she didn't believe a word she said herself.

He placed his hand on her arm again, locking their eyes "Yes you're engaged and maybe you even love him but I can see in your eyes you would do anything to get the other one back, the one I remind you of."

She was in defensive mode now, trying to be as cruel as he was "Wouldn't you? To get your wife back?"

She saw him flinch "I deserved that one."

She crossed her arms, pulling away from his touch again and nodded "Yes you did, what makes you think that you can just tell me stuff like that?"

He looked up at her again "Because I had an affair once, I know the signs."

She nodded, moving her arm, gesturing for him to go on.

"I felt so guilty, I told my wife."

She wanted to know more "What did she say?"

His gaze locked on hers once again "She told me to choose."

She nodded her head, understanding him "Someone told me to choose once."

He nodded, knowing he had been right from the start but not calling her out on her bluff, he looked sincere "Who did you choose?"

__She was standing in front of a door, soaking wet, her hair was dripping on her back and she felt like there was a whole ocean of water in her shoes but she just kept knocking on the door, waiting for it to open.__

_"_I choose you."__

__As soon as he opened the door the words came out of her mouth.__

__He stood there staring at her, his mouth open but nothing came out, maybe he hadn't heard her "I choose you." she would keep repeating it till he said something.__

_"_Elena, it's storming." he shook his head in disbelieve, she didn't care, she needed to tell him this.__

_"_Yes I've noticed." she gestured her hands up and down over her body.__

__He smiled at her and it made her heart skip a beat, it was now that she noticed his appearance, his hair was wet and he only wore a towel around his waist, he shook his head at her"Why are you here?"__

__She stepped forwards so her body was pressed against his and cupped his face in her hands "Because I don't need four days to realise that I want you."__

__They were staring at each other before he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer "Than what took you so long?" his eyebrow frowned, teasing her.__

__She sighed and her face became irritated "Caroline couldn't find the address her mom left, it took her two hours to realise that she had written it down in her notebook."she waved her hands in the air.__

__He chuckled and pulled her head against his bare chest to kiss her crown"Next time, I'll leave you the address so you don't have to threaten the sherrif's daughter."__

__Pulling back and fixing her gaze with his again, she pointed her finger at him and pushed it repeatedly against his chest "No mister, next time you take me with you." she didn't gave him the time to argue and pushed herself up to press her lips against his.__

__He kissed her back, bruising her mouth, he pushed the door shut with his feet and they stumbled to the bed, him removing her wet clothes from her body and she placing kissed on every inch of his body.__

_"_Tell me your mine." he stopped kissing her neck to look at her. __

__Looking into the ocean blue eyes she knew that this was what she wanted, that this was her choice, that this was the choice she would spend the rest of her life with, this was the choice she would never regret, this was the choice she had made before he had even asked her to make it a few hours ago.__

__She pulled her head back and locked her gaze with his, nodding "I am."__

__He shook his head, not pleased"Say it."his eyes boring into hers, trying to see that she was his, that he could put his claim on her.__

__Grabbing his hair and pulling his lips to hers, she placed a soft kiss on them before whispering against them.__

_"_You own me."__

"I chose you." she smiled at him, knowing he would understand.

He laughed "I am the better choice you know."

She nodded her head "I know."

They were interrupted by the front door, revealing Stefan, he looked like he was looking for something, his eyes stopped looking when he saw her "Here you are, I've been looking everywhere."

She gestured to Cooper "Stefan I want you to meet Alaric's cousin Cooper, he's quiet the charmer." she couldn't help herself from smiling.

Stefan looked at her face and smiled too before turning his gaze to Cooper "Hi, I'm Stefan. Elena's fiance." Cooper shook his hand.

"I've heard great things about you." Stefan just looked confused at him before turning his attention back to Elena.

"It's getting late." she could see a smile on his face that she hadn't seen in a long time.

She nodded her head again "Yes, we should go. I'm just going to say goodbye to everyone." she turned back "It was nice meeting you, Cooper."

He grabbed her hand and placed a kiss on the back "It was nice meeting you, Elena."

Her mind was already registering the moment for the second time, first with Damon after the first time she met him, now with Cooper..after the first time she met him.

In the house she told everyone goodbye, saving Caroline for last.

The vampire hugged her and put her mouth to her hear "Are you okay, I heard the fight with Bonnie upstairs."

"Yes I'm fine, I actually feel better about it." she looked at the floor ashamed.

Caroline tapped her shoulder "You look better too, I'm proud of you, she deserved it." Elena smiled a little, knowing she wasn't the only one thinking that.

"Can you do something for me?" she whispered in the vampire's ear.

"Sure, what can I do?" she pushed her ear against Elena's mouth.

"Just make sure Cooper gets my number, don't ask any question. Just make sure he gets it." she pulled her head away from Caroline and saw her nod, pressing her lips together.

"Thank you." she sighed and hugged her tightly before turning around and making her way toward Stefan.

* * *

><p>She snuggled under the covers in her silk pj's, feeling at ease for the first time in the last year.<p>

"You seem happy." she turned her head around to see Stefan next to her in the bed, his eyes fixed on her.

"I'm fine." she turned her head around again, facing the wall.

Soft kisses were being placed on her bare shoulder and she felt an arm wrap around her.

"Forget it, Stefan." she grabbed the arm and threw it off her body.

He growled "Elena, it's been a year since I last touched you. A year to a vampire may seem nothing but I'm human too, I have needs."

She sat up in the bed and looked at him "Well that's what your left hand is for Stefan."

She grabbed her pillow and got up earning a strange look from him "Where are you going?"

Waving at him while leaving the room she shouted over her shoulder "Damon's room."

Snuggling under the covers again she was embraced by his scent, it was strange how is presence was still notable while he hadn't been here anymore in more than a year, even with all his clothes gone and the comforters he had slept on, his smell was still here.

She had missed this room, missed this smell, missed this feeling. She couldn't help herself when she looked at the pillow next to her, patting the empty space, it was this feeling inside of her that everything was going to be okay. That maybe soon, but still not soon enough, that place would be filled, black raven hair would be pressed in the pillow, a face more beautiful than any human could ever wish for would rest on it. Maybe soon, she would wake up to the ocean blue eyes staring at her, maybe soon she would finally feel like herself again.


	13. Chapter 13

**Long lost & gone**

Chapter 1_3_

"Now it's your turn, tell me everything." Coop took another bite from his ice cream and made a moaning sound, clearly enjoying it.

They had been hanging out a lot the past week, he had called her the day after Miranda's party and had asked her to hang out. They had so much fun together that she called him the next day with the same preposition, after four days he just started showing up at the boardinghouse or she would go to his hotel room when it took him too long, no calls or text were necessary anymore.

"Your stories are more interesting." she looked at him and grinned, seeing the ice cream all over his face, sometimes Cooper looked more like a twelve year old than an adult with thirty-four years of life experience.

A chunk of ice cream was suddenly on her nose, she gasped and wiped it off before her nose became an ice cube, glaring at him he held his hands up in a defending gesture "You promised to tell me, I was just punishing you."

She sighed in defeat "Okay, what do you want to know?"

He had told her all about his wife, how the cancer had killed her, how they had fought together against it for more than a year, how he had met the woman that he'd started an affair with, how that affair had worked, how it had ended.

"Just start at the beginning, how did you meet him?" he kept his attention on the ice cream in his hands, she loved this about him, everything was so easy with him, he knew a week ago she wasn't ready to talk to him about this stuff so he had started talking about his life, making her feel comfortable around him, letting her be herself around him, just like she had been with Damon.

"I dated his brother first." she looked at Coop and saw him doing his best to keep the ice cream in his mouth, she laughed and punched his chest "It's not funny, they lived together." that was enough to make him spit out the ice.

He looked at her in disbelief "You have serious problems Gilbert, you're a real piece of work, you know that?" she laughed and punched his chest again.

"Just listen to the story and don't be an asshole." she pointed her finger at him "So yes, they were brothers and they lived together." she gave him a warning glance "I didn't like him first, actually I hated him, he was the kind of person you hated with passion, with your whole body and soul." she grew quiet, thinking about her telling him that he had lost her forever, how wrong she had been.

Cooper noticed her silence and turned to face her "So what made you change your mind?"

She snapped out of her memories "There was...an accident, he almost died and I took care of him, there had always been this thing between us, something you can't describe, something that always pulled me back to him even if I tried to run in the other direction but that night it felt like if he was going to die he was going to pull me with him too." she took a breath and smiled "He made it though."

Cooper looked in her eyes "I'm sorry he didn't always make it." She knew what he meant, he was apologizing for the time Damon did die, she felt guilty for not telling him the truth, not when he was being such an amazing friend to her but she couldn't tell him the truth, at least not without telling him about vampires, witches, werewolves, a moonstone, originals, a sacrifice. He probably wouldn't take it so well.

She nodded and stared back "I'm sorry about your wife too." He nodded slowly before pulling her towards a tavern and asking the waiter for two beers.

"So what made him so different from his brother?" he played with the glass in his hand, she could still see the sadness in his eyes.

Sighing she put her beer down and looked at him "He let me make my own decisions, my own choices while everyone else tried to catch me before I fell, he would let me fall straight on my face but he would be there to clean up the scars on my knees and to put a bandage around my elbow."

"He set you free." like a week before it wasn't a question, it was a conclusion, a conclusion that was right again.

She shrugged "His brother kept me in a cage like I was the most precious bird on earth, maybe he did it too but he made sure the barriers weren't visible."

He nodded in understanding "What happened to the brother?" he stopped playing with the glass and looked up again.

"He became my fiancé." she chuckled, knowing it wasn't funny but having no other reaction to this messed up situation.

Coop's eyebrows frowned and his mouth fell open "He was Stefan's brother?" he managed to pull his mouth shut but she could still see the shock in his eyes.

She nodded "You couldn't tell though, they had nothing in common, not even in their looks." she took another gulp from her beer and played with the buttons on her jacket.

"So you just chose the hotter one?" his voice was teasing and she knew that he was trying to lighten up the conversation.

She laughed "Not to sound cliché or anything but yes, he was the most beautiful man I ever laid my eyes on." her smile faded "He still is."

Cooper stared at her before giving her a small smile "Well, now at least I know why I remind you of him." his smile became wider and she couldn't help but smile too.

"Nope, it's definitely your attitude, he had this ability to hide every emotion he felt, I see you do the same, he could be arrogant in a way that it was still charming, it's something you do too. But most of all you have the same expression on your face, there is this sadness on it, it's hidden but if you look long enough you see it through the cracks, it's something you carry with you all the time." she crossed her arms and saw his expression change.

He asked the waiter for the check and paid it "We should go, it's been a long drive, our beds are waiting for us." he smiled at her, forgiving her for hurting his feelings because he knew her words were true.

She stood up with him and pulled his arm around her to snuggle into his side. He pulled her closer, it made her feel save. They had arrived in Richmond this morning, Cooper had business to attend to for the weekend and she had begged him to take her with him, wanting to be away from all the drama in Mystic Falls. Stefan had agreed to it because he saw the effect Cooper had on her, she smiled again, she even laughed from time to time and she would even let people touch her, people meaning Caroline, Jenna and Alaric. She thought that Stefan only gave his consent because he was horny as hell, she noticed it in his behavior, she had slept five years with him and knew the signs but she wasn't going to give in, she had slept in Damon's room the past week and it made her even feel better because there was no other place in the world she rather woke up in.

They turned around the corner in a dark alley, there were three men standing against the wall in the darkest part of the alley. She felt like something was off and tightened her grip on Cooper, crossing the small group of men she was sure she heard the words 'Katherine', 'doppelganger','Klaus' and 'reward'.

Seeing the men approaching them she grabbed Coop's wrist and started running, pulling him with her, she heard him asking what was wrong, what she was doing but she didn't have time to answer him. Two of the men appeared in front of them, using their vampire speed to block their way, the other one stayed behind them, preventing them from turning around.

She could see the shock on Cooper's face but she didn't have time to deal with him "Please, I'm not Katherine, the curse is broken, Klaus is death, there won't be a reward." she could hear how desperate she sounded.

The tallest one of them laughed "That's what I would say when I was the doppelganger."

Before she could respond or do anything, she was thrown against the wall, she could feel her skull crack and she felt the blood running down her neck, she heard the men growl, she found it strange that they didn't come for her now she was lying here covered in blood. She didn't have much time to analyze the rest of the noises before she went unconscious.

* * *

><p>When she came out unconsciousness again, she felt someone stroke the hair out of her face over and over again, the other hand was stroking her arm. Beeping sounds were around her and she didn't want to open her eyes, she knew where she was, she heard those sounds before.<p>

"Elena, I know you're awake. Open your eyes."she heard the soft voice, it was soft but still demanding, it wasn't a question.

Wanting to shake her head, she felt the pain that came with it and opened her eyes automatically when the gasp of pain left her throat. Her whole body was sore but she focused on the blue eyes that were staring into hers.

"I'm alive." she felt how dry her throat was and how husky her voice sounded.

The vampire nodded and kept stroking her hair out of her face "Yes you are."

She felt panic taking over her body "Coop, Cooper, how is he? Did he survive?"

"Yes, he's still out but they think he's going to be fine." she sighed in relief, knowing that her friend wasn't death because of her.

"Can I see him?" she just wanted to make sure that he was okay, she believed the vampire next to her but she wouldn't rest before she had seen him herself.

"I'll take you to him." she was lifted of the bed and placed into a wheelchair.

She grabbed the hand that rested on her shoulder and turned around to lock her gaze with the blue eyes "Caroline, thank you for being here."

"That's what friends are for."

Cooper woke up two hours after her, she couldn't see a scratch on him but she didn't know about the internal damage "Hey, welcome back." she kept her voice soft, not wanting to scare him.

His eyes searched the room but finally locked on hers "Elena? Are you okay?" she could hear the panic in his voice.

"Yes Coop, I'm fine, we both are." she tried to reassure him, calm him down because the expression on his face scared her, he looked at her like a crazy person.

She could see he calmed down a bit, the expression on his face faded "It's just that man." his voice was a low whisper "I thought he was going to kill us."

Taking his hand and squeezing it "I'm sorry you had to go through that, I'm sorry that those men attacked us." she shook her head, still not believing that after six years her past would still haunt her, vampires, doppelgangers and sacrifices should have disappeared out of her world six years ago, the moment they'd killed Klaus.

"No." he shook his head fiercely, grabbing her hand tighter "Not those men."

She looked at him confused, not knowing what he was talking about "Coop..." her voice trailed off.

His eyes bored into hers "The man that killed them." he shook his head in disbelief "He wasn't human Elena, he moved faster than light, he broke their bones like they were toothpicks, his face..." he took a deep breath " it was like the devil."

Elena shook her head, not believing what she'd just heard. There were only three vampires in the world that would risk their life for her but only one that was strong enough to take three vampires on his own.

"Look who finally woke up." she turned around to see Caroline enter the room again, a smile on her face.

Elena was still shaking her head, her whole body was trembling, Caroline was at her side and shook her shoulders "Elena what's wrong?" she looked at Cooper who had the same shocked expression on his face as the girl in the wheelchair.

"He...he.. saved us." she managed to get it out and to look at Caroline, who didn't seem surprised.

The vampire nodded her head "I know."

The trembling didn't stop and she couldn't believe what she'd just heard "You.. you..kn...knew?"

Caroline looked at her, sympathy in her eyes "How do you think I got here so soon? Bonnie and Stefan will arrive in an hour because the hospital called them, four hours after I knew where you were."

She grabbed her bag and searched for something, when she found her phone she offered it to Elena "Go to my inbox, there's a text."

She scrolled down in the menu and found the inbox, she selected the first text, reading it.

From : CallerId unknown

Message : Richmond hospital. NOW

She let out a hard laugh "It sounds like him." her heart squeezed together, knowing that she had been this close to him, knowing that he had probably carried her inside this hospital, held her but the worst part, she didn't remember, she didn't remember any of it.

Caroline nodded "I tried calling but the number was disconnected." Elena nodded, not surprised.

"Can someone tell me what's going on?" they had forgotten about Cooper, his face was still shocked and he looked from Caroline to Elena "That man... the way he moved.. what he did...he wasn't.."

Caroline interrupted him before he could finish his sentence "He isn't human." her voice sounded steady.

"He's a vampire." Cooper looked at Elena when she whispered the words, looking at her like she had gone mad.

He let out a hard laugh, not believing them "Girls, seriously? There is no such thing as..."his eyes looked at Caroline's face, her vampire face and she could see the shock on Cooper's, he crawled backwards in his bed, trying to get away from her.

She grabbed his hand again "Cooper, easy, she's not going to hurt you, don't be afraid."

Caroline's face changed back to normal and she sat down on the edge of the bed"It's true, I won't hurt you, I can control it."

He looked at Elena "Are there any others?" his voice was shaky and she stroked his hand with her thumb, trying to give him some kind of comfort.

She looked at Caroline, who nodded "Stefan." it sounded weird to pronounce his name, she hadn't done it in a long time, she didn't like talking about him.

Coop nodded his head "But that man? How do you know him? Who is he?" his eyes were focused on her, he read every expression on her face, every movement she made with it.

Not wanting to admit that she had lied to him, that the man she loved the most in the world wasn't death, wanting to keep him out of that story just for now, they could deal with that later, she just knew one answer.

"He was my life once."

* * *

><p>She was back in her room, the nurse had insisted that she would get some rest. Caroline was still in Cooper's room, explaining all about vampires, he seemed to believe that she wouldn't hurt him. But she couldn't focus on Cooper right now, her whole body was aching again, knowing that it had been so close to where it wanted to be, knowing that it had touched him again, knowing that maybe he was still here, knowing that she still couldn't be with him.<p>

Her thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock on the door, revealing Stefan and Bonnie. She hadn't talked to Bonnie since their fight, glad about it, she had said what she'd wanted to say, she didn't want her in her life anymore. Stefan and she lived together so avoiding him wasn't that easy but with Cooper in her life, she hadn't seen much of him either.

"Hi." Stefan came to stand behind her bed with Bonnie on his trail, who gave her a small smile.

"Hi." she sat up and pulled the covers higher over her body.

He put his hands in his pockets "So how are you?" she could see that he was uncomfortable.

"I'm fine, you shouldn't have come all this way, there's nothing wrong with me." she shrugged.

Bonnie came from behind Stefan "The nurse told us you have a concussion, stitches in your head and bruises all over your body." her voice sounded compassionate.

"Yes, but I'll be fine, there just going to keep me here for one night and in the morning I can go home."she crossed her arms, not wanting to be treated like a patient.

Stefan pulled his hands out of his pocket and stepped forwards "What time? I'll be here."

She shook her head, not wanting to be in the same room with him for the four hour drive "It's okay, Cooper can bring me home. He just has to stay here in observation so he'll be able to drive."

"Elena, I'm your fiancé, this is my job, I have to take care of you." Stefan's voice sounded angry.

"It shouldn't be a job Stefan." she looked him in the eyes, she didn't know how he could still believe that she wanted to marry him, after all she'd done to him, he still thought that he was her choice, that he was the one she loved.

Before he could answer Bonnie put her hand on his arm, holding him back from whatever he was going to say "We're your friends Elena, we want to be here."

After all she had done, after all the heartache she had given her, the witch still thought that she deserved to be here "But I don't want you here."she knew it was rude but at this moment she didn't care, it was her fault that she felt this way, her fault that she was aching again, her fault that she couldn't love like she was supposed to.

Pain washed over Bonnie's face "You need a friend here."

"So that's done...Ow, hi guys." Caroline walked in, her timing impeccable as always.

She looked at Bonnie "I have one here, two actually, Cooper is in the room across the hall."

Stefan looked at her and shook his head, she could see the hurt on his face "Elena, please don't do this, we know we hurt you. But this has been going on for a year, it's time to forgive us, he may be gone but we're still here, everything you love is still here."

She shook her head, still not wanting to give in "No, you took my everything, you took it away and you never gave it back." tears were flowing over her cheeks once again.

"Guys, she can't handle this right now, the doctor said she needed to rest or the concussion could get worse." Caroline held the door open for them and a nurse came through it.

"I'm sorry to disturb you but visiting hours are almost over, please say goodbye to Elena, she needs her rest." the nurse turned around and disappeared again.

"I'll pick you up tomorrow." Stefan was still standing behind her bed.

She shook her head "I don't want you to."

Before he could say something Caroline said "I'll bring her home." Elena looked at her thankful.

Bonnie and Stefan left the room, she could see that they were both upset, Bonnie hurt because of her words and Stefan angry.. because of her words.

"I should go to." Caroline stood up and lifted her bag from the floor "I'm staying in the hotel a few blocks away, just call me if there's anything." she squeezed her hand.

"Thank you, you don't know how much I need a friend, that isn't cripple." she smiled at the blonde vampire.

"I think it's best if you don't say that to Cooper." she smiled at her friend in the bed before opening the door "Goodnight Lena."

"Goodnight Care."she heard the door fall back in the lock before the lights went out.

The room was dark, there was only a small shade of light coming through the herself around, she snuggled in the pillow. She was glad that her infusion was removed for the night, it would only bother her while she tried to sleep.

Drifting off into sleep, she could feel fingers against her cheek, stroking it and a kiss was placed on her forehead. If she hadn't felt the bed shifting next to her, she would have thought she was dreaming, but she'd felt the bed shifting.

She kept her eyes closed but she could feel tears rolling down her cheeks, she felt them being kissed away, softly. A soft kiss was pressed against her lips and she couldn't do anything else but answer it, her lips pressed against the other ones because they had met a long time ago, introduction weren't necessary anymore, they had missed each other and had finally met again.

The lips were pulled away and she opened her eyes, searching for them.

Blue eyes were piercing into hers, blue eyes she hadn't seen in more than a year, blue eyes that made everything in the world disappear, the ocean blue eyes that had brought her heart back home again.

The sobbing became crying but that didn't stop her from pushing her lips against his, over and over again. They fought, they fought for the year they had missed each other, they fought for the lives they had lived without each other, they fought because they would forever keep fighting for one another.

She rolled on her back, pulling him on her body, their lips never leaving each other, never wanting to leave each other. She parted her lips and his tongue filled her mouth before she had the chance to breath.

She could feel the need she had for him, the need her body had for him, the need she felt in her stomach, the need she felt throbbing between her legs, the need she had to be one again.

"Make love to me." she turned her head so she had the chance to breath and speak.

She felt him lower his forehead to let it rest against her temple "You're too weak." hearing his voice again, feeling what it did to her, she couldn't let him go without first giving him all the love she had saved for him in her heart, the love that had become a pile in the last year, waiting for his receiver to come back and pick it up.

She stared at him, feeling her heart again "I need this." her voice sounded desperate, begging and she saw him nod, seeing something in her eyes that told him that she wouldn't live another hour if he didn't give it to her.

He kissed her again, more urgently, telling her that he needed this as much as her.

He pulled his hands from her face and let them slide to the hem of her hospital gown, he rolled it up, not bothering to get it off her, she wasn't wearing any underwear so he was given free access to the parts of her that were begging for his attention.

He kept kissing her while rubbing her clit with his thumb and dipping one finger in her, he swallowed her gasps in his mouth and trusted his finger more violently in her wetness, she came on his hand, gasping for air in his mouth, she felt the waves taking over her body, every nerve in it was hit with his presence.

He pulled back to kick his pants off, the boxers she once wore with him flew of the bed and landed on the ground. He pressed his body back against hers and attacked her lips again, apparently not able to leave them for very long.

She heard herself whimpering, not able to wait anymore, not able to feel hollow anymore.

He moved his body so his cock was positioned on her entrance, dipping inside her folds, feeling how wet she was, feeling how her body was welcoming him home again.

Pushing in her slowly, feeling how tight she was, tighter than a year ago. She saw the unspoken question in his eyes when he locked his gaze with hers.

She shook her head "Not since you.."

He looked at her in disbelief "Stefan..." he let the sentence open.

She shook her head again "I am not Stefan's."

With that he pushed deeper into her, filling her completely, making them one again, making the tip of her hair the beginning and his toenail the end.

She held his hair, held his back when he placed kisses over her whole body, her cheek, her neck, her thighs, her calves, feet, he was enjoying her whole body. She tried to touch every inch of his body, every abs, every curve, every inch of his skin. Their eyes never left each other, they both hadn't seen the other for such a long time, they couldn't waste a second on watching something else than each other's face, she closed him in her memories like this, sweat on his forehead, his lips parted, pieces of hair falling in his face, his body trembling with the release that was on his way, the love that shimmered in his eyes, the love for her that was written all over his face.

Even though their lovemaking had been soft and slow, she came hard, the waves taking over her body, he kissed her face, letting her ride it out and enjoying it, he came two thrusts after her and collapsed on her body, they lay there, panting, sweating, throbbing.

She stroked the hair out of his face "Are you okay?" he didn't stop trembling and he looked pale, even for a vampire, his breathing still wasn't even and she could see the dark circles under his eyes that had never been there before.

"I'm fine." she heard how husky his voice sounded but not in the right way, the way she sounded when she was sick.

"You don't look fine." she pulled his head up so she could look in his eyes.

He sighed "It's just... I can't sleep without you next to me.. I haven't slept much in the past year."

She pulled him closer, encircling his whole body with her arms "I'm here now, you can sleep."

She felt him shake his head on her breast "No, I don't want to sleep when I'm finally with you."

She pulled his head up softly and kissed him "There isn't anything to say Damon, I love you, you love me, we know that, we miss each other, we can't live without each other, Bonnie is still looking for you, she still hasn't found you, I'm still the mess I was when you left. You can sleep, we don't have to talk all night to know those things we'll have enough time for small talk when we're finally together again."

His eyes fluttered, emphasizing his weariness "I won't be here in the morning." she could see the tears in his eyes and kissed his forehead.

"I know, just sleep, I'll keep the bad dreams away."

* * *

><p>She wasn't able to sleep, not able to look away from him, knowing that if she closed her eyes he would be gone when she opened them again.<p>

His face was resting on her breasts and his arm was draped across her chest, his hand was on her shoulder, she stroked his hair and rubbed circles on his arm, trying to let him sleep as peacefully as possible.

The handle of her door was pushed down and she could feel her heart start racing, hoping it wouldn't wake Damon up. But she couldn't do anything about the intruder, she couldn't move, not without waking him so she kept staring at the door, holding Damon's body tighter against hers.

Coop's figure pressed through the door, stumbling and trying to make his way in the dark towards her bed, she sighed in relief.

"Elena, sorry I couldn't sleep, apparently you couldn't either." he stumbled, unable to see something in the dark "They gave me this sleeping pill but I'm against pills so now I'll be up all night." he waved something in the air, probably the sleeping pill.

"Hi Coop." she kept her voice low, whispering, she didn't want to wake Damon.

Cooper came closer to the bed and put on the light next to her bed, he gasped seeing that she wasn't alone in it.

"It's okay Coop, he won't hurt you." she pressed a kiss to Damon's forehead indicating he was harmless, or at least as long as he was asleep.

Coop took the chair next to her bed "It's him, the vampire that saved us." he shook his head, not believing that he'd survived.

Deciding she couldn't hide it any longer, she took a risk, a chance of losing her friendship with her only human friend "Coop, I want you to meet Damon Salvatore." she looked at the sleeping man in her arms.

Coop's eyes became full of awareness and he nodded "He's Stefan's brother." like usually it wasn't a question.

She nodded her head.

"You told me he was death." she could see that he felt betrayed, he had been honest with her and she hadn't.

"He was death to everyone, except to me, never to me." she couldn't help but holding Damon's head tighter, pulling him in the crook of her neck, to shield him, to shield him from everything that would try to hurt him.

There was a minute of silence in the room, she not knowing what to say for betraying his trust, he putting the pieces together.

She heard Cooper sigh "You were right about one thing." he smiled at her.

She didn't know what he was talking about, afraid that he would tell her that their friendship was over, afraid that she had said something he could use against her.

"He is beautiful." she chuckled and she heard him chuckle with her.

"Getting in touch with your feminine side Coop?" she lifted her eyebrow, teasing him.

"Yes Elena, could we switch places please?" his smile was bright and she knew he had forgiven her, she also knew that he was expecting the whole story.

She shook her head and looked at Damon again "You know I won't do that."

"You really love him, don't you?" his face was serious again.

"Sometimes I wish I didn't, the times he's away.. It's like nothing matters, I can't breathe, sleep, eat or even be happy, the only thing that matters in those times is getting back to him. But the moments he's with me, are the moments I live for." tears formed in her eyes again, knowing she would have to give him up again, knowing that in the morning she would have to say goodbye to him.

"Cooper." he looked up at her "Can I have that sleeping pill?" she pointed her chin to the pill on her nightstand.

"Yeah sure." he handed her the pill and she swallowed it before realizing something.

"Shit, I shouldn't have done that, if he's still asleep and Bonnie or Stefan comes back in the morning, they'll find him." panic crept in her voice.

"It's okay Elena, I won't sleep tonight, I'll stay here, I'll make sure he's gone." he could see that the pill started working, her eyes started fluttering.

"Thanks Coop, I just can't see him leave again." her eyes closed and he could hear her whispering "Tell him to take care of my heart."

He squeezed her shoulder"I will." not knowing if she had heard or not.

* * *

><p>She woke up and heard voices in her room, not wanting to open her eyes because she knew he wouldn't be here anymore, she could feel it, the whole in her chest was back.<p>

"He was here? Did he say something to you?" she could hear Caroline's voice, annoyed.

"Yeah, he was in the bed with her, he got up and I told him what she'd asked me to tell him, he patted my shoulder and made me promise to look after her." Cooper was being very specific, she didn't like that.

"Just what we needed." Caroline sighed.

"What do you mean? She seemed glad to see him. " Cooper's voice was low, probably not wanting to wake her up, not knowing that she was already awake.

"Of course she was glad to see him !" she heard Caroline raise her voice "It's when he leaves she becomes a mess, the last time she saw him it took a year to get her out of bed, now he didn't stay long so maybe it will only take half a year." she could hear Caroline throwing her hands in the air.

"I didn't know." Coop's voice sounded guilty.

"You couldn't know." Caroline sighed "They're idiots." more muttering to herself than to Cooper.

"Who? Elena and Damon?" Cooper sounded annoyed too.

"No, Bonnie and Stefan. Thinking they can keep them apart forever, she'll find a way to get to him, she always does." she heard the tinkling of Carolines earrings, probably because she shook her head.

"Why don't they want to keep them apart? She told me everyone thinks he's death." Cooper's voice sounded annoyed again, not knowing what was going on.

"No, that's what they told her but they don't know she found him a year ago. They both have their differents reasons for keeping them apart, Bonnie thinks Damon will kill her and Stefan just isn't smart enough to realise that she stopped loving him, he thinks that Damon used her to get back at him." Caroline's voice was full of sympathy.

"But why would he hurt her if he loves her?" he pulled his eyebrow up.

Caroline sighed again " You don't know Damon, there are vampires like me and Stefan that have kept their humanity and we still care about humans. But Damon shut it off for a long time, the only person he really cares about is Elena and he'll kill, destroy or rip anyone apart that stands in his way."

"Than why are Bonnie and Stefan able to keep them apart?" he crossed his arms, still not understanding.

"Because Bonnie is a witch, she can kill him and Stefan has her on her side. It's a long story, you should ask Elena, she needs someone to talk to about it anyway, I try to be there for her but the past year I couldn't get through to her and you came into town and suddenly she was laughing again." Caroline laughed too, impressed with Cooper.

Cooper nodded "I'm sorry that she'll be a mess again."

Caroline patted his arm "It's okay, I have this feeling he won't be gone for very long."

"Why is that?" Cooper sounded intrested.

"Because he's not going to let her marry his brother."


	14. Chapter 14

**Long lost & gone**

Chapter 14

"You're good with her."

Cooper was feeding Miranda, Jenna had asked her to babysit her niece and she had asked Coop to join the party. Miranda had woken up ten minutes ago, screaming her lungs out for food, Coop had taken her out of her crib to comfort her while she had prepared a bottle for her, they were a good team.

Cooper looked away from Miranda's face to lock his eyes with hers "My wife and I tried to have a baby so we went to all this parenting classes even before she got pregnant but then she got sick and we never had our baby..." she could see the hurt in his eyes, the hurt that came with losing his wife, losing his unborn child, losing his future.

"I bet you would make a great dad." she gave him a little smile.

"Do you ever think about having children?" he turned his head away again to see the baby in his arms sucking her bottle empty eagerly and she could see that there was a smile on his face.

"Vampires can't procreate." she remembered Damon saying those words to her the first time they were in Georgia.

Cooper looked up, shaking his head "That's not what I asked."

She sighed defeated, knowing she couldn't avoid the question "When I was younger, I always thought that I would be a mom someday, I wanted to be, I wanted a family, a dog, the house with the white picket fence but I knew I had to give that up when I fell in love with a vampire."

Cooper nodded "Do you ever think about starting a new life? Fall in love with a human? Marry a human? Be a mom?"

How many times she had thought about it, removing the vampires out of her life so she would have the life she dreamed of when she was a teenager, her husband that came home from work and kissed her on the cheek, her children that needed help with their homework, the cat that was stroking her leg, begging for food, the dog that would be running in the yard, chasing a bird. But every time she pictured herself waking up, holding her son while feeling her daughter pressed against her back, she felt this need to turn around because she still felt the emptiness in her chest, she would turn around and look at her husband, seeing some stranger she had created in her mind holding their daughter, pressed against her daddy's chest. She would watch them while she felt her son resting on her chest. Her husband would wake up and together with the opening of his eyes the stranger would disappear and ocean blue eyes would lock with hers, his hair would become black and the face would become all to familiared. The emptiness in her chest would disappear together with the children in their bed.

"That's not an option." she looked at the hands in her lap, not able to look at the man in front of her, not able to let him read the expression on her face.

"Do you ever wish he was human?" she was still looking down but she heard Cooper's voice, full of sorrow.

She shrugged "I wouldn't have met him if he was human, he would have died a long time ago."

"But if you stay with him you'll become a vampire too, do you want to live forever, do you really want to lose your human life?" she could hear the questioning in his voice, not understanding that she wanted to become a monster.

She looked up again, to see the baby in his arms asleep, sucking her thumb "Becoming a vampire isn't a sacrifice, of course there will be the bloodlust, the heightened emotions but I'm only gaining things, I'll live forever with him, I'll have forever to be with him, I'll have forever to experience everything with him, I'll be able to love him forever." she bored her eyes into his "Can't you see that there are more positive aspects to it than negative ones ?"

Cooper was still not convinced, she could see it in his eyes "But what if something happens to him or to you? You'll live forever without him, you'll be alone in the world, all your friends will be dead except for Caroline, but what if something happens to her too?"

She placed her hand on his arm, trying to calm him down, to make him stop worrying "If Damon dies, I'll be right behind him."

She could see shock taking over his worried face, his eyes staring at her like she was the most insane person he had ever met. She could see him opening his mouth to try to talk some sense into her but before the first word had left his mouth they could hear the backdoor unlock.

Jenna and Alaric walked in, Jenna leaning on her husband and giggling like a twelve year old schoolgirl, obviously drunk. They came towards the couch and their eyes instantly locked on their beautiful baby in Coop's arms.

Jenna stroked her daughter's cheek but leaned on the back of the couch to stay up. Alaric noticed and put his arms around her "Come on, let's get you upstairs." she snuggled into his side and let him pull her up the stairs.

Cooper and Elena followed them with Miranda in Cooper's arms, still asleep. She could see how Jenna stumbled on the stairs and how Alaric always held her up, she could see the love radiating from them.

"I love you." the words cut through her like a knife when Jenna spoke them, she wanted someone to share that with too, to hold her up when she was about to fall, to take care of her when she had been stupid enough to get drunk. She felt the knife cut deeper when Alaric whispered in her aunt's ear "I love you too."

Cooper looked at her, aware of the couple in front of them, knowing that she had heard it too. He rubbed her arm and held Miranda with the other one.

She leaned closer to him "Is it so wrong for me to want that too?" she held back her tears and looked at Cooper.

He just pulled his arm around her shoulders, holding her tight against his body, not knowing what to say.

"Elena."

She turned back around when hearing Alaric's voice calling her name, Cooper closed the door again and put his car keys back in his pocket.

Alaric walked towards them, slightly nervous "Can I talk to you?" his voice didn't sound steady and his gaze switched between her and Cooper.

She nodded "Sure." and looked at Cooper.

He smiled at her and pulled the door open again "I'll wait in the car." he tried to leave before he was called back.

"Actually, if you don't mind, I'll drive her home." Alaric looked at Cooper, begging him with his eyes to make this not more uncomfortable.

Cooper looked at her and she nodded, she was nervous about this but she knew Alaric wouldn't hurt her, he had saved her so many times that she trusted him with her life.

Cooper left and pulled the door closed behind him, leaving Elena and Alaric on their own with an awkward silence. Alaric turned around and went in the kitchen, motioning for her to follow him.

She pulled a chair from under the table and sat on it, seeing Alaric pull open the liquor cabinet to pour himself a drink "I thought you would be the one coming home wasted." she smiled at him, trying to light up the atmosphere.

He smiled at her, grateful for trying "I think that part of me died with Damon." he shrugged but she could see the flinch in his eyes.

She gave him a small smile, knowing that she wasn't the only one missing him "I miss him too." she had never told anyone besides Caroline and Cooper, everyone was so glad he was gone that it never crossed their mind that somebody could miss him.

He nodded, knowing "He took a part of you with him too, didn't he?" he kept his eyes on the kitchen counter, not turning around to face her, pouring himself another drink and taking it down in one gulp.

Her heart squeezed together, remembering her that he had taken a part with him, a big part, only a small part was left behind to keep her body alive "Yeah, he did." she wasn't going to deny it, not when she had already admitted missing him.

Alaric put his glass down but kept staring at the kitchen counter "I figured it out after he was gone, I replayed every single moment with him in my head, trying to understand where he decided to leave, trying to figure out if he had given me any indication why he left." she could hear him sigh "That's when I put the pieces together, I tried to remember the weeks before the fight, the months before the fight, trying to remember what had changed. At first I didn't pay much attention to it but there was one thing that changed, one thing that disappeared."

He stopped talking and poured himself another drink. She sat on the chair, afraid of what he was going to say, afraid that someone else knew, afraid that they had been more obvious than they had thought. But she couldn't help herself, she had never heard this story, she wanted to hear this story "What disappeared?"

Alaric let out a hard laugh and sighed before turning around to face her "The sorority girls did." he walked towards the chair in front of her and sat down "His distractions disappeared, there would always be some girl, someone he was using but after the last distraction didn't come another one."

She didn't know what to answer, knowing where this was going, not wanting to talk about it again, not wanting to rip her soul out again.

"I remember this girl that was hitting on him, she was hot so I didn't understand why he didn't pay attention to her like he usually did." he blushed "But then he received a text and he told the girl that he had someone to go home too, I thought that he was kidding, that he was just blowing her off but then he thanked me for giving you an A on that history test and left."

_"__An A, huh?"_

_"__Damon, you scared me." she turned around and slapped his chest, seeing him lie next to her in the bed, his hands behind his head and his shirt removed._

_"__You're just never paying attention." he pulled his hands from behind his head and rolled on his side to grab her waist and pull her body against his. _

_"__I just wasn't expecting you, I told you that I was exhausted, you should have stayed at the grill with Alaric." she grabbed his hand on her stomach and intertwined their fingers, stroking the back of his hand with her thumb, not believing a word she told him, she wanted him here, she was glad he was here._

_She felt him placing a kiss on the back of her neck "You're much prettier than him." he smiled against the side of her face and she couldn't do anything else but turn around to see it._

_He let her turn around before putting his arms back around her and holding her against his body, she snuggled into the crook of his neck, closing her eyes and trying to fall asleep before she heard his voice again._

_"__Where is Stefan?" _

_She pulled her head back to look at him "He's out with Tyler, he won't be back before midnight."_

_"__Ugh, being friends with the werewolf, I don't get it." she saw the disgust on his face and couldn't do anything but laugh._

_"__I know, I wouldn't be in bed at 4 pm if Tyler had been there to take Caroline to the gym, she doesn't get that I'm human and I can't keep rowing for hours." she sighed, feeling her whole body sore because of the exercise Caroline had put her through._

_He chuckled and she slapped him again "I'm sorry but why would you go to the gym with a vampire?" his laugh filled the room and she couldn't do anything else but laugh with him, the sound was so beautiful and he looked so free, no worries on his face, no vampires in the area that made him go in protective mode, it was just him and her in the empty room with the sound of freedom surrounding them._

_"__Because she's my friend, I don't expect you to understand, you don't have any friends." she was still laughing with him, still enjoying the sound that came out of his mouth._

_"__Ouch.." he put his hand on his heart " You wound me deeply." it didn't stop him from laughing though._

_She grabbed his head, pulling it down to her mouth and pressed her lips on his, feeling them answer immediately to her touch she grabbed his hair and put her leg over his waist, holding him captive with her body. He nibbled on her lower lip, pushing his tongue against it, __demanding entrance, she opened her mouth and extended her tongue to meet his in the middle, fighting for dominance. Knowing she wouldn't win, she pulled her head back, leaving his lips in a pout "Feeling better?"_

_The pout disappeared and his lips formed a smile "You're such a tease Ms. Gilbert__**."**_

_"__Is that what your friends say about me?" she looked at him, seeing his eyes narrow._

_"__Now, I'm going to punish you." he grabbed her and started tickling her sides, sitting on top of her so she couldn't squirm her way out of his hold._

_"__Please stop!" her screams filled the room and mixed again with his laughs "Everything hurts."_

_He stopped and let her breathing even before giving her a soft kiss "I may not have any friends, but I have you." he stared into her eyes, his laugh was gone and his face was serious again._

_She stared into his eyes and cupped his face with her hands, stroking his cheek "You have me." she nodded to emphasize her words._

_He kissed her palm and pulled her hand from his cheek to roll over and lie next to her "You should get some sleep, you're exhausted."_

_"__You can go back to the grill if you want too." her voice sounded desperate, not convincing because she wanted to keep him here._

_He rolled onto his side again and pulled her body against his, placing her leg over his waist and throwing her arm on his back, letting his own rest on hers "Elena." he sounded frustrated, almost mad "I want to be here, just let me be here."_

_She was too tired to argue, too tired to do anything so she placed her head in the crook of his neck and felt his breathing on the side of her face, her eyes closed and she could feel sleep taking over her._

_"__I love you."_

_She fell asleep, feeling his body stiffen against her but too late to register it._

"I met him at the bar right after school so you couldn't have told him in the boardinghouse you had an A on that test. You texted it to him, but why would you do that? That's when it all made sense, he wasn't kidding, he didn't need the distractions anymore because he found the real thing, you were the one he was going home to." Alaric's voice was soft, not accusing her, just telling her that he knew, he knew that she had cheated on her fiancé.

"Did you tell Jenna?" her aunt would have freaked out if she knew, she had never been a big fan of Damon but if she knew that he had been the one that she cheated with on her husband, she would never forgive her.

"Of course not, we both know how she would have reacted. Besides she's Team Stefan all the way." Alaric smiled at her, telling her with that smile that he wasn't.

"Why did you tell me now if you've known for a while?" she looked up again, trying to make her voice sound steady.

"Because I heard what you said to Cooper, it's not wrong to want that too, you deserve it, you deserve to have a baby with a husband who loves you. I know it's not possible with Stefan but it's not too late, you can still back out." Alaric took her hand that was lieing on the table and gave it a squeeze.

Without realizing it, he had just offered her a way out, a way that Stefan would hopefully accept, a way that had been right in front of her but she had not seen until now, a way that was a baby step closer to the place she belonged.

"Alaric, can you drive me home please?" she squeezed his hand back and gave him a small smile, telling him that she was done with this conversation.

"Of course, let's get you home."

* * *

><p>She entered the boardinghouse, seeing the candles on the floor that made a path through the hallway and parlor. She followed it, knowing that she wasn't going to like what she would find.<p>

"I thought that I would make us some dinner, enjoy the last free evening of our engagement, we're not going to be able to do something romantic during the rehearsal dinner tomorrow." Stefan put the fruit bowl down with the whipped cream next to it, his intentions couldn't have been more obvious.

She put her bag down and lifted her hands up "Stefan, we need to talk."

He nodded and pulled a chair out from under the table "We can talk during dinner." he motioned for her to sit down but she shook her head.

"I rather stand while doing this." her voice was steady, sure.

He pushed the chair back and leaned on it "Okay, what's on your mind?"

"I want children." she crossed her arms over her chest.

She saw him flinch but he recovered quickly "We will adopt."

She shook her head, knowing he would suggest it, she had already found an answer "I want children of my own."

She saw doubt washing over his face "Okay, if that's what you want we'll go to sperm bank and choose a donor that resembles me, people won't know it, they'll think it's my child."

She shuddered at the thought, picturing the blond children with green eyes in her head, replacing her beautiful son with straight black hair and ocean blue eyes, removing the vision of her daughter with the long black curls and the same eyes, she couldn't let that happen "No, I don't want some strangers children."

"Than what do you want Elena?" he pushed himself up and came closer, leaning against the wall.

"I want to carry the children of my husband, I want to feel them kicking my tummy and experience that moment with my husband." she shook her head "I don't want this wedding Stefan, I don't want you to be my husband."

Anger came over his face and his hands clawed into fists "You promised me you would marry me, you promised me that we would put this all behind us."

She made her voice soft, innocent, trying to calm him down so he wouldn't hurt her like last time he freaked out "I know and you know I never broke a promise before, but I've been spending a lot of time with Miranda and it made me realize that I want that too." she took a step back, trying to get more space between her body and his.

She saw the hurt on his face, because he couldn't do anything about this, he wasn't human so he couldn't give her the children she wanted but that didn't keep him from being selfish "You can't do this to me, not after six years, I forgave you for Damon but you can't tell me that you haven't thought about this earlier."

She flinched hearing his name and the pain in her chest made it presence known again, remembering her that she was still broken, that she shouldn't try to play the hero "Stefan, I'm so sorry. I just can't do this, we'll talk about this later, you need some time to think about this."

Grabbing her bag from the ground, she turned around and made her way towards Damon's bedroom, leaving her ex-fiancé behind.

* * *

><p>Coming out of the shower with a towel wrapped around her body, she walked into the bedroom feeling free for the first time in six years.<p>

That quickly changed when her eyes locked with the brown ones sitting on the bed.

"What are you doing here?" her voice sounded harsh, uninviting.

"Stefan called me, telling me that you changed your mind about marrying him because suddenly you want to be a mom." her eyes were boring into hers, reminding her that they weren't friends anymore.

"Yes, little Miranda changed my mind about children." she tried to sound convincing but she failed miserably.

"Bullshit Elena, we both know that there is only one reason why you are backing out on him." the witch stood up from the bed and placed herself right in front of her.

She didn't answer her and pushed her out of the way to get to the closet.

"You won't have any children with Damon, but that's not going to stop you from marrying him, is it?" she still had her back turned towards Bonnie and made no move to change that.

"Damon isn't for the whole marriage thing." she shrugged, not interested in this conversation.

"You're going to marry Stefan." Bonnie sounded sure of herself, no doubt in her voice.

She turned around, placing her clothes on the bed "You're wrong Bonnie, I'm going to marry some human guy and get a bunch of kids with him, maybe even twins, wouldn't that be nice?" she sounded so arrogant that she was taken aback by it herself.

Bonnie let out a hard laugh "No you won't, because after you hear this, you'll do exactly as I say for the rest of your eternal life." she crossed her arms in front of her chest and tapped her foot on the floor.

She locked her gaze with the witch and waved her hands in the air "WHOO, has the big bad witch found a new spell that will change me into a frog for the rest of eternity if I don't do what she says?" she turned around again, laughing , searching for a jeans to wear.

Bonnie let out a hard laugh "No but it will make Damon dead for the rest of eternity."

She turned around again, feeling her heart squeezing, feeling the pain in her chest flowing through her whole body, feeling every nerve in her body screaming for him, screaming for his safety "Why would you want him dead? He's gone, he didn't come back, he thinks I'm dead."

"Oh dear Elena, I never thought you would become a liar." the witch's eyes were hard, not even resembling the kind friend she ever was.

"What are you talking about?" she was thrown of her game, she was out of smart answers and the only thing that was left, was her protection mode, the one that automatically appeared whenever he was in danger.

"I know who killed Jeremy." she heard the words and her knees gave out, collapsing to the floor and trying to lean against the bedside with the witch bending over her.

She couldn't speak, couldn't move, couldn't believe that her whole plan hadn't worked, that he wasn't safe like she had thought, that she had spend the last year miserable for no reason.

"I must admit it took me awhile to figure it out, you were smart to remove all his belongings but there is one thing you couldn't hide, that made me figure it out." she sat down on the bed before looking down at her "The bite mark on your shoulder, I thought that the vampire tried to attack you but then I remembered there weren't any bruises or scars on your body, you would have tried to protect yourself, you would have fought him but everything was in place so that bite could only have gotten there one way. Stefan was out of town so he couldn't have placed a fresh bite mark on your shoulder and when you couldn't describe the vampire that killed him I got only more suspicious. But I only figured it out in Richmond, Caroline told us you were attacked by three vampires but that you had managed to stake them, you and Cooper are human, you would have never been able to overpower them, not in the condition you were in. So there was someone that was able to kill them all, that was strong enough to do it, there was someone that took you to the hospital, someone that warned Caroline before us, there was someone there that would give his life protecting you, someone that was never mentioned because you would give your life protecting him."

Elena was still sitting on the floor, trying to get up but feeling her knees give out from under her every time she tried. Her breathing was heavy and she stared into Bonnie's eyes like she had gone mad.

Bonnie stood up and pulled the door open "You'll marry Stefan, you'll never see Damon again or I swear I'll track him down and kill him, this time he'll be dead for real. A lover for a lover, it's only fair." she closed the door behind her, leaving her once best friend on the floor gasping for air.

"Twins?" she looked up to see her second nightmare standing in the room, she hoped that this is what it was, a nightmare.

"How long have you been standing there Stefan?" her voice sounded exhausted, breathless.

"Long enough to know that I'm still competing with my brother." his voice sounded hard, betrayed.

"Stefan, I never wanted to hurt you. You've been good to me, we were good together." her voice broke, indicating how scared she was of him in the moment.

"That's the reason we should marry, we are good together. No, we are perfect together, made for each other." he stepped closer to her, towering over her.

"Stefan, you don't want to marry me. I will never love you again, maybe I did when I was 17 but I stopped loving you a long time ago." she was still sitting on the floor, still trying to catch her breath.

He shook his head, trying to digest her words before his face became hard again "How can you love him so much?"

_"__I said it, didn't I?"_

_She was standing in the parlor, wearing one of his button up shirts, her legs exposed and her hair hanging around her face, draped on her shoulders like silk curtains._

_He didn't answer and kept staring into the fire, a glass of bourbon in his hand, his chest bare and a black jeans hanging loosely around his hips._

_"__It wasn't a dream?" her voice was a whisper but she knew he would hear, vampire hearing came in handy sometimes._

_He didn't turn around and kept sitting on the coffee table in front of the fire, staring in it "No, it wasn't a dream."_

_She had figured that out when she woke up alone, feeling the cold space next to her, but she just wanted to make sure._

_"__I meant it." she made her way towards the coffee table and sat down on it, facing the other wall, she could feel the fire on her left side warming her legs._

_He didn't acknowledge her movement and kept staring into the fire "You shouldn't mean it." his voice sounded hard but she could trace the sadness behind it._

_"__It scares you." it wasn't a question, it was a statement, she knew how scared he was to love someone, to be loved by someone. _

_When he didn't answer she went to sit behind him and put her arms around his body, placing her head on his shoulder and her legs resting besides her "I love you."_

_She felt him stiffen again, not able to process her words "Shh, don't say that."_

_Wanting to push him, wanting him to understand the words, wanting him to know that she meant them "I love you."_

_"__What about Stefan?" she heard the smugness in his voice, wanting to hurt her so she would run away and leave him alone. _

_But she couldn't do that, not when he was her whole world, not when he had become the air she breathed, not when he had filled her whole heart with his being._

_"__If I had truly loved Stefan, I wouldn't have fallen in love with you." she placed a kiss on his shoulder, letting him know that she was sure of her words._

_He relaxed in her arms and his head turned to the side "I don't know how to love someone." his voice sounded broken, begging, begging her to understand that he had never done this, that he had never given himself fully to anyone. He had shared his body with hundreds of women but he had always kept his heart locked to them, he had never shared his soul with them._

_She gave him a peck on his cheek and traced patterns on his chest with her fingers "I know this scares you and I know you're afraid of it, but so am I."_

_He grabbed the hand that was tracing patterns on his stomach and held it in his "Why are you scared?" _

_She looked over his shoulders at their intertwined hands, holding onto each other because they needed the other ones comfort "If anyone would hurt you or try to take you away from me, I don't know what I would do, I wouldn't be able to control myself, I would kill them Damon, I don't trust myself when it comes to loving you, it goes through my whole body, every nerve, every vein, every heartbeat and every breath is aware of you."_

_"__What if I'm the one that hurts you?" he turned his head away from her and locked his gaze back on the fire._

_"__Then I would throw things at you, maybe even put vervain in all your bourbon but I would forgive you, you would have to beg me first but I know I'll forgive you." she snuggled her chin into the crook of his neck, claiming the space there that was only reserved for her._

_"__What if I lose it again? What if someone walks in while we have one of our famous arguments? Not everybody has a special ring that brings them back to life, next time it could be Jenna or worse you." she felt him breathing increase and the grip on her hand tighten, channeling his anger through his body._

_"__Damon, I'd rather you kill me than not taking this risk and live the rest of my life without you." she whispered, afraid how he would react to those words, afraid that he would push her away._

_He shook his head and she could hear him speak between clenched teeth "You can't just say stuff like that Elena, it makes me want to kill you."_

_She didn't know how to answer him so she pressed her nose deeper into the side of his neck, inhaling his scent, giving him time to calm down, giving him time to take a decision, giving him time to realize that he wanted to take this risk._

_"__What if I'll never learn how to love someone?" she could hear the doubt in his voice, doubting that he could ever love someone, doubting that he could ever be loved._

_"__Then that's okay." she pulled her arm back and started stroking his hair, letting her other hand rest in his._

_He shook his head again and let out a growl "That's not okay Elena."_

_She pressed a kiss against the side of his face, letting him know that it would be okay, that she would take care of it "Yes it will be."_

_He turned his head around to lock his eyes with hers, she could see the remorse in them, the doubt that came with opening yourself up to someone, the fear that came with loving someone._

_"__Because I will love enough for the both of us."_

"Because I promised him I would love enough for the both of us." she let out a chuckle, thinking that the love in her heart was enough to cover the love for a thousand people.

She heard her ex-fiancé sigh "You were so wrong, how can you be so naive?"

She stood up, finding the strength again to defend herself, to make sure she got out of this alive "I was wrong because I fell in love with Damon?"

Suddenly she was pressed against the wall, her body aching from the impact "For thinking that he could ever love you back, for thinking that you would be better off with him, for cheating on me, for turning your back on me, for loving someone that wasn't me."

Tears were falling down her face, blurring her vision and the lump in her throat prevented her from speaking.

His eyes were boring into hers, black veins appearing around them "Can't you see that I just want your heart, just give me your heart."

She knew that it wasn't smart to challenge him but her body had shut off her emotions, preventing herself from being hurt "I can't give you my heart, Damon took it with him."

The pressure on her arms increased and the blood flow in her arms was closed "I'll find him, Bonnie will help me and when I find him I'll drive a stake through his heart myself."

She laughed at him, not able to hold it back, she looked straight into his eyes "And how would you do that? You eat bunnies for Christ's sake."

She felt her body being thrown across the room, slamming into the glass table against it, the shards puncturing her skin and the blood flowing onto the carpet.

She knew she was going to pass out from the blood loss but she had to do one thing first, with her last strength she crawled to her bag on the bed, pulling it to the ground and searching her phone in it.

She unfolded it and searched for the number, when she found it she put the phone to her ear, feeling herself drifting away slowly.

"Hello." the voice sounded like music to her ears.

"Caroline, you need to do something for me."


	15. Chapter 15

**It must have been love but it's over now.  
>It must have been good but I lost it somehow.<br>It must have been love but it's over now.  
>From the moment we touched 'til the time had run out. <strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Long lost &amp; gone<strong>

Chapter 1_5_

"Hello." the voice sounded like music to her ears.

"Caroline, you need to do something for me."

"Sure." Caroline's voice sounded relaxed, not disturbed by the distress in Elena's voice.

"Get Damon as far away from Mystic Falls as possible." she felt herself slipping away, barely able to get the words out.

Caroline's voice was alerted now, hearing the pain in Elena's voice "Elena, what?"

She didn't have time for this, not only because Stefan was already tracking him down but because the puddle of blood on the floor became larger every second "Get him out of here, tell him to never come back."

Caroline yelled in the phone, not knowing what was going on "He won't listen, Elena."

"Use vervain, stake his legs. I don't care, just get him out of here." her voice was begging, begging her best friend to save the man she loved more than her own life, begging because even if she died, he needed to live.

"Elena, are you okay?" Caroline's voice sounded like echo's in her head, hearing them but not quite clear.

"Just get him out of here, please Caroline."she was pleading because there wasn't anyone else she could call, not before passing out, not before Stefan would have already found him.

"Okay.." Caroline was unsure, questioning the situation.

"Tell him to never come back." her voice was a whisper, slowly slipping away in the dark space that was coming at her.

"Elena, I don't understand. What's going on?" Caroline was restless, still trying to make sense of this, still trying to understand what the hell was going on.

"Please Care, you are our last hope." she clapped her phone shut, hoping that her friend would reach Damon on time, hoping that she wouldn't get killed while trying to accomplish her human friend's last wish.

She put the phone back in the bag, even if she was going to die, she wasn't going to let a trail behind, she wasn't going to give them any clues that would only lead them faster to him. Hearing the phone thump in her bag, she closed her eyes and was surrounded by the darkness that was coming at her.

"Elena, wake up." she felt someone slapping her cheek, trying to pull her back from the dark place she was in.

"Come on Elena, we don't have time for this."the voice sounded impatient, annoyed.

Her eyes fluttered and everything was so blurry she couldn't see a thing, only big spots that clouded her vision.

* * *

><p>"Finally, you've been out for a day, we don't have time for this, you know?" Bonnie hopped of the bed and pulled her closet open, she could hear the sound of clothes being pushed out of the way.<p>

She couldn't answer, not able to understand how she was still alive, how she had survived, why they had spared her life "I'm alive." her voice was a whisper, it sounded hoarse from the time she hadn't used it.

Bonnie came towards the bed again, not sitting on it but standing next to her "Yes, but don't get any ideas in your head, there isn't any vampire blood in your system. I cast a spell on you."

She pushed herself up, trying to see more than just the ceiling and the floor besides the bed "Why would you do that?"

Bonnie put her hands on her hip "Because I couldn't let you attend the rehearsal dinner covered in blood and bruises." she spoke to her like a nanny addressed a toddler.

She shook her head, not able to understand how her once friend could do this to her "Didn't you see what he has done? He hit me again. Bonnie, I can't stay with him." the words came out broken, pleading.

Bonnie walked back towards her closet again, searching in it"You're surprised? After what you told him? First you tell him that you don't want to marry him anymore after he forgave you for cheating on him with his brother. Then you insulted him and rubbed it in his face, you had it coming."

She shook her head, not understanding that this was really happening "If Damon would have done this, he would be dead by now."

Bonnie turned around, two dresses in her hand "Damon didn't just do one thing wrong, he did a thousand of them, he deserves to die."

"No Bonnie, I know you're mad because of Jeremy but it was an accident, it wasn't his fault, it was no one's fault, nobody deserves to die Bonnie."

Bonnie placed the dresses on the bed, gently so they wouldn't wrinkle "He's going to die Elena, after the rehearsal party I will track him down and in two days the name Damon Salvatore will never be mentioned again."

Tears rolled down her cheeks "No Bonnie, you can't do that, please I beg you. I'll marry Stefan, I'll stay here, just don't hurt him." she was begging, begging for his life instead of hers because he mattered so much more to her than her own existence.

Bonnie gave her a look full of pity "I won't be the one killing him, I'll just track him down so his brother can drive a stake through his heart, something he should have done years ago."

She grabbed Bonnie's arm "No please." tears were streaming down her face, realizing something she moved so she was sitting on the edge of the bed "Where is Stefan?"

Bonnie pulled her arm back "He's out."

She felt her heart squeeze in pain but found the strength to get up"I have to stop him, I can't let this happen."

Bonnie got up as well "Relax, he's just at the grill to prepare everything for the rehearsal dinner, seeing his fiancé wasn't able to attend." Bonnie gave her a dirty look "He's leaving tomorrow after the wedding."

For some twisted reason she felt relieved, happy because it gave Caroline more time to get him safe.

Bonnie put one hanger back in her closet and pushed the other dress in her hands "You've never worn this one before, he's perfect for this occasion. The color fits Stefan's eyes perfectly." her voice sounded smug.

She looked down at the emerald green dress in her hands, remembering the one time she had held it before, the time when she was still happy.

_"_So Jenna bought me two dresses." she held up the azure blue dress and the emerald green dress, showing them to her friends, not knowing which one to choose.__

_"_They're both beautiful Elena." Jeremy's voice came from the couch.__

__She turned her head around with a big smile "Thanks Jer, but that's not really helping." she turned back to Stefan and Bonnie who were still studying the dresses.__

_"_Come on! Help me pick, I have to get ready." she was impatient, wanting to look at her best when Damon received his medal, the public thought that the medal was for being the eldest from one of the founding families, but everyone in the council knew that he was given the medal for all the vampires he had killed in the last year, protecting the town from evil, evil like himself. But that didn't matter, even if this was all a charade she wanted to look nice for him.__

_"_The green one." Bonnie pointed at the dress in her left hand and nodded ____approvingly__

__There was a knock on the door and Jeremy jumped from the couch to open it.__

_"_Yes, wear the green one." Stefan came closer and studied the dress before giving his consent.__

__Caroline walked in and threw her bag on the couch next to Jeremy before walking to Bonnie and standing still "Hi guys."__

__Elena looked up, holding the two dresses in the air "Care, blue or green?" her excitement was rubbing off on everyone, she could hear them chuckling and saw them looking at each other with smiles on their faces.__

_"_The blue one Lena." Caroline pointed at her right hand.__

__She heard Bonnie and Stefan sigh and Jeremy chuckle on the couch.__

_"_Just pick one Elena, you always look beautiful." Stefan came to stand next to her and put an arm around her.__

__Bonnie stepped forward with a smile on her round face "You've been going to this founder's parties since you were little, it never bothered you what you were wearing, why is this so special?"__

_"_Because this party is in honor of me." Damon walked in the room, struggling with his tie while his white shirt was still unbuttoned and his abs and flat stomach were visible underneath the thin material.__

__Her stomach started fluttering, remembering her that it had been a week since the last time they made love, remembering her that it craved him, that it craved him inside her, on her, next ____to her, with her.__

__He let out a growl and pulled on the tie "Get me a stake, I want to kill myself." he looked down frustrated at the tie.__

__She saw Bonnie leaning towards Stefan, whispering something in his ear that sounded like "Go get a stake before he changes his mind." Stefan just snickered at her comment.__

__Caroline looked towards Damon "Maybe you should button your shirt first."__

__He looked at her like he wanted to kill her with his tie, he growled again, pulling on his tie and marching from one side of the room to the other.__

__She smiled, seeing her evil vampire struggle with the little piece of fabric in his hands "Come here, let me help you." she shrugged of Stefan's arm, walking towards the place he finally stood still and turned him around so his back was facing the eyes that were fixed on them.__

__She felt the ____electricity____ between their bodies, remembering her that his hold on her was unbreakable, that she would suffer if she would ever try to break it.__

__She started buttoning his shirt, starting with the last button and making her way upwards while letting her finger trail along his flat stomach and abs, she looked at his body longing, longing for it to touch hers again, to make hers scream again, to make hers his again.__

__Looking up she found him staring at her, smirking and boring his eyes into hers when they locked. She could see the lust in his eyes, the lust that made her tummy squeeze together again. 'I miss you' she mouthed the words at him, knowing Stefan and Caroline would even hear her when she tried to whisper them.__

__His face became serious and the smirk disappeared 'I miss you too.' he mouthed the words at her and gave her a look that made her tear up. The look was full of pain, full of agonizing pain because his body was screaming for hers like hers was for his, his soul was calling for his other half, tearing his limbs apart to find it and his frozen heart was crying for the other heart that could make it beat again.__

__Feeling brave, knowing that she was invisible for the eyes that were directed on them, she pressed a kiss against his chest, feeling her lips tremble against his skin, feeling hot tingles spread through her body and awakening every sleeping nerve in it to collide again with their possessor.__

__She separated her lips from his skin to look up again at his face, finding his eyes closed, biting his lips, restraining himself from pushing her against the wall and claim her as his own again. She knew she wouldn't fight him if he did it, she would let him take her against the wall with the four pair of eyes watching them, she would bruise his mouth with her lips and push him deep inside her till the painful hole in her chest would finally be healed again.__

__His eyes snapped open and his lips parted, ___unconsciously__ sh___e felt herself lean towards him, her eyes focused on his, her lips waiting for his. Her nose almost touched his when she felt the hand on her stomach, pushing her back. She saw the warning in his eyes and snapped out of his spell, she was still shielded from their audience's view by his body and couldn't help herself but press her lips against his chest one more time, saying goodbye to it before closing the last three buttons on his shirt.__

_"_You should were the blue one." his voice cut through her whole body like a knife, knowing that it was the same voice that whispered against her skin every time she felt the waves of pleasure taking over her body, a pleasure granted by his body. He would whisper soothing words against her skin when she thought that her breathing was going to stop and her heart was going ____to give out because it was too much for her body to take. __

_"_Why is that?" she straightened his collar and pulled the knot out of his tie, stroking the skin on his neck once while placing the two pieces of tie on his chest. __

_"_Because I'm the guest of honor so this evening is about me and I should get to choose." she wanted to tell him that it was always about him, that her whole life and heart were consumed by him, that her every thought was owned by him, that her whole being was about him.__

__She smiled up at him, realizing the mistake she just made when his eyes locked immediately with hers, her stomach clenched together seeing his lips were swollen from biting on them, red and wet from licking on them. It took all her self-control not to pull his head down and push them against every inch of her body. Before she lost it and betrayed both of them, she lifted her gaze from his and looked at the tie she was knotting. "We'll see." she managed to get a small smile on her lips before pulling the tie straight and stroking the material of his shirt with her finger.__

__He swung his jacket over his shoulders and straightened it, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb, she pulled her hand of his shirt and looked at him one last time, meeting the ocean blue eyes that had become her home in such a short time but that would remain her home for the rest of her life.__

__He broke their trance and turned around, walking away from her. It took every strength she could find to not go after him and push his skin against hers, she wouldn't care about the tie she had just knotted perfectly, it would come off without a second thought and be one the ground with the rest of their clothes.__

_"_Elena, which dress? Green or blue?" Caroline held her two dresses up in the air, already wearing her beautiful red one. __

_"_Blue."__

"Get changed, the guests are arriving in one hour." Bonnie walked out the door, leaving her alone with the dress she hadn't worn six years ago because it fitted with the wrong pair of eyes.

* * *

><p>Bonnie drove her to the grill, not leaving her side, afraid she was going to run. The grill was decorated with white flowers and the atmosphere seemed so happy, peaceful, save. All those thoughts disappeared when Stefan walked towards her, an apologetic smile on his face.<p>

"Elena, I'm so glad you're alright, I'm so sorry." he tried to pull her in a hug but she pushed him away, shaking her head.

"Don't, don't touch me." she stepped backwards bumping against the table with gifts from their friends and families.

He came closer "Elena, I never wanted to hurt you, I just lost it. I'm so sorry, you know I would never do that on purpose."

She clutched the table, needing something to hold onto "Stefan, I don't want to be here, I don't want to be your wife, just let me go."

Bonnie spoke for Stefan, appearing on his side and trapping her with their bodies "That is not going to happen Elena, we only want what is best for you."

She felt helpless, knowing that she couldn't escape them "Why are you doing this? What happened to my friend? The Bonnie I knew would have never done this to me."

Bonnie let out a hard laugh "The Bonnie you knew wasn't betrayed by her best friend."

She held back the tears in her eyes, not wanting to explain them to the guests that were arriving "I didn't betray you, I know you're mad about Jeremy, but it wasn't my fault. It was no one's fault."

Bonnie shook her head, looking at her like she was explaining this to a five year old "That's not what I was talking about." she sniffed "You chose a killing, conscienceless, impulsive, manipulative vampire over your best friend since childhood, you betrayed me."

"I never chose him over anyone, I just wanted to protect him, it wasn't his fault either." she felt the anger rise from deep inside her, being convicted for a crime she never committed.

Stefan stepped forward again, making her pull back even more "You're done protecting him, you're done playing his guardian angel. It's time for a new role, you're going to be my wife and right this evening, you're going to be the happiest bride-to-be the world has ever seen."

She shook her head, feeling a tear rolling over her cheek "I can't do this."

Stefan laughed and looked at her, his face cruel, it made her think of the time he was on human blood "Yes you can and you will or my brother's dead will be even more painful."

He didn't give her the time to answer and grabbed her arm in an unbreakable grip, dragging her to the entrance where their guests were waiting, waiting to congratulate the happy couple.

"Elena, I'm so happy for you !" Amey, someone who had been in high school with her but she hadn't seen since graduation pulled her into a hug "Even in high school I knew you two were made for each other."

"Thank you Amey." she hugged her back and smiled politely, not bothering to correct her.

This went on for more than an hour, greeting people that hadn't been in her life for the past six years, that had no clue of what was going on, that still saw her and Stefan as the perfect couple, that were so happy for them that it made her stomach turn upside down.

Finally she saw some familiar faces in the crowd "Jenna! Ric!" them being here made her feel safer, more comfortable because with Alaric nearby, Stefan wouldn't try to hurt her.

Jenna ran towards her, arms open "Sweetie! Everything looks great." she reached her niece and pulled her into a hug, Alaric was right behind her and smiled at Elena, she let go of Jenna's back and waved at him.

"Jenna, I need air." her aunt let go of her and held her at arm's length to study her outfit.

"Sweetie, I'm not fond of the dress." she pulled up her eyebrow and studied the dress once more.

Elena laughed and looked down at the emerald green dress "You're not the only one."

_"_I still think you should have worn the green one." Bonnie had been nagging all the way towards the Lockwood house, she didn't care, she wanted to surprise Damon with his choice.__

__They entered just on time to see him receive the medal and listen to his speech, which he claimed to not have prepared but she knew otherwise. During the speech, he locked his eyes ____several times with hers and flashed her a smile that left her breathless, the audience applauded when he finished and he was given pats on the back while leaving the stage. Sheriff Forbes invited them all for drinks in the ballroom of the estate and Stefan had asked her to dance with him. The evening went by peacefully, she stayed with her friends most of the time and danced with Matt and Tyler when they had asked her to.__

__She had been glancing towards the star of the night during the whole evening, wanting him by her side, wanting to be by his side, wanting to steal just a moment of this evening with him. But every time she looked at him there was someone else congratulating him, patting his back and keeping him out of her reach.__

__It was time for the mayor's speech so they all gathered in the other room of the mansion, entering the room she saw Damon leaning against the back wall, his attention directed at the stage where Liz and the Carol were preparing the stage. She couldn't lose this opportunity, not now he was finally alone and she could have a moment with him, just to talk to him, just to look in his eyes and make her body feel at ease again.__

_"_Ugh, I don't want to hear this." Caroline's voice sounded irritated "I'm going to the ladies room."__

__Bonnie pulled her back and grabbed her arm "Wait, I'm coming with you." __

__Seeing they had already crossed the room and were out of earshot she put her hand on Stefan's arm "I'm going with them." she turned around before she heard him mutter "Okay."__

__She made her way towards the door in the back of the room, smiling back at the neighbors and schoolmates that crossed her path. Walking towards the back of the room she only felt her heart beating faster, her smile getting wider, her body getting more excited because of the distance that disappeared between her body and her drug, because that is what he was, he was her drug and she was the addict, every moment she spend without him she experienced the withdrawals that came with her addiction and every moment she was with him, she felt the high from it.__

__His attention was still focused on the stage, the mayor had already started talking and everyone was listening carefully, she knew that Caroline and Bonnie wouldn't come back before he was done, she hoped he would talk forever. __

__She was only a few steps away from him when he turned his head towards her and smirked, looking up and down her body, studying the dress she had chosen.__

_"_I like your dress." his voice was low, not wanting to disturb the speech that was going on.__

__She leaned against the wall, making sure that her body wasn't touching his, she wouldn't want to be responsible for the consequences that would come with only a feather light touch "I like it too." she smiled at him, keeping her eyes locked on his, drowning in them.__

_"_I wasn't fond of the other one, it matched Stefan's eyes too well." she saw him flinch, still hurting, still hurting from having to share her with his brother.__

__She looked down, stroking his sleeve softly, not able to keep her distance when he was hurting "That's why I picked this one, I wanted it to match yours." she fumbled with the seam of his sleeve and looked up.__

__He smiled at her and turned his head back to the stage, not wanting to hurt more because of the moment he could finally spend with her, not wanting to think about the moment she would leave and go back to Stefan and leave him behind.__

__They didn't talk but she kept her eyes on him, not able to look anywhere else, not able to ignore the knot in her stomach, not able anymore to just stand next to him and not feel him against her.__

__He must have felt the same way, she saw his hands pinching the glass in his hands, trying not to break it but just keeping his hands busy so he wouldn't have them on her. She couldn't stand this anymore, she needed to touch him, she needed him more than anything, she should have cared about the fact that people could see them, that people would ask questions if they saw it but it didn't keep her from sticking her hand out and grabbing his, pulling it down and holding it against the wall so she could stroke it with her fingers. __

__He turned his head around, smiling at her while his body seemed to relax by her touch "You're playing with fire." he started stroking her hand with his thumb, together finding a rhythm that soothed their need for each other.__

__She pushed herself closer to him, pushing her leg against his, pressing her shoulder against his so her whole side was on fire, it wasn't a pleasant feeling but she needed this, her body needed this so she would give it whatever she could get "I'm already on fire."__

__The lust in his eyes made her lust even increase, something she thought wouldn't be possible. His eyes were shimmering, boring into hers, trying to find a way to take her here and now without anyone noticing "You're going to get burned."__

_"_I already am." she could see in his eyes that he knew what she was talking about, she was burned because he was burned on her, she was still burning for him, the fire in her heart that wouldn't go out, that would never stop burning for him, that would keep burning her insides until he would put it out.__

__He let go of her hand, not wanting to get caught and turned his head to the floor. Unable to keep stroking her hand if he wanted so much more, so much more than he could take in this moment.__

_"_I hate this." she crossed her arms, holding herself while trying to keep the tears inside, her voice sounded broken, helpless, exhausted, exhausted from all the fighting, fighting with her insides to deny them what they wanted, fighting her soul for not letting it collide with its other half, fighting her heart for not letting it love the right person.__

__Maybe it were the tears that escaped her eyes, maybe it was the sound of her broken voice or maybe it was just because he needed this as much as her but something made him reach for her, grabbing her hand and pull her closer towards him, encircling her shoulders with his arms and pulling her head in his chest.__

__She pushed her arms under his jacket, just needing to touch some part of him, she clawed his shirt in her fists while moving her head upwards so her temple was touching his chin, she felt a soft kiss against her forehead and pushed it forwards so his lips pressed harder against it.__

__He rubbed her back, calming her down and letting her body ease against his. The tears stopped and she just held him because she couldn't let go, she would never be able to let him go, she felt him pull his arms back, grabbing her shoulders and push her gently away from his body.__

__She could see that the crowd was becoming restless, the speech was over "You should go back to Stefan." he stroked the remaining tears away with his fingers.__

__She looked around, seeing Stefan still in the same spot, not aware of what was going on behind him, Caroline and Bonnie walked back into the room and made their way towards her boyfriend, she shook her head, boring her eyes into his and reaching for the hands on her face "This is were I belong."__

__He smiled at her and nodded, squeezing her hands "Yes it is, but not yet." he let go of her hands and turned around while her name was called in the background.__

"Elena, is Cooper already here?" Alaric looked around, standing on tiptoes.

"No, actually now you mention it, I haven't seen him." she shook her head, confused, he told her he would be here.

"Weird, he told me he would be here." she smiled at Alaric, confirming her thoughts.

"Maybe he's just running late." Alaric smiled back at her and walked towards the bar.

"There he is." Jenna pointed towards the entrance and started waving, Alaric was back on her side in two seconds.

Cooper smiled at them and waved back at Jenna, he came towards them and pulled Jenna in a hug, grabbed Alaric in a man hug and turned back towards her to give her a kiss on the cheek.

"Having a bad hair day?" Alaric punched his cousin on the shoulder.

Cooper laughed with him, ruffling his hair with his hand "No, just some other things to do." he looked at Elena, giving her a knowing look.

"You were doing someone?" Alaric punched him again and it reminded her of the time he used to have this conversations with Damon, always about sex, woman and alcohol.

"Ugh, you two are disgusting." Jenna growled and pulled Alaric with her towards the bar, leaving her and Cooper alone.

He wasted no time and turned around, facing her "I'm sorry, I had to pick up Caroline."

She looked around, searching for Caroline "Where is she? Did something happen to her?" she was already panicking, knowing that Damon wouldn't have surrendered without a fight.

Cooper put his hand on her arm, pulling her attention back to him "She was in pretty bad shape so she called me, I picked her up and brought her home, she told me she would be fine after a few blood bags." she saw him flinch, still not fully used to the idea of vampires.

"Oh god, this is all my fault." she sat down on the chair behind her, seeing Cooper pulling a chair out besides her.

He shook his head "No Elena, she's going to be okay. The question is are you going to be?" he looked at her, his eyes studying every expression on her face.

"Is Damon safe?" she whispered, knowing that her forced-husband-to-be had vampire hearing.

"I don't know, Caroline didn't really want to talk, she is one angry woman when she's in pain." Coop laughed but stopped when he saw the shock on Elena's face "I think he's okay Elena, Caroline told me she would try to be here as soon as possible, she'll explain it to you."

Elena relaxed and sighed "Are you sure she's okay?" Coop nodded before she had spoken the full sentence "I need a drink."

Coop laughed at her frustrated tone and they both stood up, walking towards the bar but were pulled in the kitchen before they could reach it.

"That man of yours is one stubborn vampire." Caroline growled and sucked on her blood bag, the scars disappeared and became red lines on her skin.

Elena hugged her friend "I'm so sorry, I'm glad you're alright but you were the only one I could ask." she pulled back, not really comfortable with the blood bag besides her head.

Caroline put the blood bag down and pulled her friend back in an embrace "It's okay Elena but tell me what's going on?"

She held Caroline's shoulders tighter "It doesn't matter, the only thing that matters is that you are safe and hopefully Damon too?" she pulled back to see Caroline's face, waiting for her friend to answer the most important question of the day.

Caroline nodded "Yea, he is safe. He's not going to be happy when he wakes up though." she laughed and gave Elena an apologetic smile.

Elena looked at her friend, curious about what she meant "What did you do?"

Caroline sat down on the kitchen counter, preparing herself to tell her story "Well, I knew that I wouldn't be able to stake him from close by so I shot him first with Alaric's vervain darts, I had to hit him three times before he was on the ground."

Elena flinched, she knew she would kill Caroline for doing it when she hadn't been the one to suggest it in the first place "So how did you get the scars?"

Caroline's face lit up "I was coming to that part. When he was down I put the gun away and went to him, when I wanted to pick him up he threw me against the wall and tried to choke me, he stopped when he saw it was me."

Elena stepped forwards, curious "What did he say?"

Caroline looked at the ground ashamed "I told him that you wanted me too, that I needed to get him out of here and that he could never come back. He didn't believe me, you should have seen the look on his face, you could see his heart break in his eyes."

Elena was unable to speak, knowing she had hurt him again, not only mentally but also physically. Cooper put his hand on Caroline's shoulder, offering her some kind of support "What happened next?"

"He backed away from me so he could process what I said and I staked him again, Alaric told me that five darts is the most a vampire can handle but he gave me nine of them, just to make sure." Caroline looked up, tears in her eyes, remembering the horrible scene in front of her, her eyes locked on Elena's

Elena felt her heart clench, clenching because it knew that Damon wouldn't stop fighting "How many?" she looked at Caroline, tears rolling down her cheek.

"Eight vervain darts and two wooden stakes."

Elena gasped, not believing that she could have done this, while she tried so hard to keep everybody from hurting him, she herself had given Caroline permission to hurt him so much that it could be life-threatening, that she could have lost him while trying to save him.

"He just wouldn't stop fighting, he wanted to get to you. It was all he could say, that he needed to save you. He thought that I had sided with Bonnie and Stefan, he tried to kill me with his last strength so you would be save." she saw the hurt on her friend's face and crossed the room to hold her in her arms, knowing that no one else would have done this for her, no one would have confronted a vampire that killed without blinking just because their friend has asked them to, no questions asked.

Caroline was sobbing in her arms, both their sobs filled the room. Cooper was rubbing their backs, trying to soothe them but not knowing how to deal with two crying women"Elena there is something else I need to tell you." Caroline looked up.

She nodded and wiped the tears of the vampire's face before putting her curls behind her ears.

"I called Elijah." Caroline looked at Elena with sorrow in her eyes, sorrow because Elijah had betrayed them six years ago, sorrow because she knew Damon had never trusted him, sorrow because she had put his life in the enemy's hands.

Elena step backwards, releasing Caroline from her hold and shook her head "Why did you do that?" her voice was full of worry, shock.

"Because Bonnie would suspect something if I didn't show up at the wedding tomorrow. She would find both of us and I wouldn't be able to keep Damon down for very long. Elijah can handle him and he owes us for six years ago. He told me that he would take care of Damon because you trusted him six years ago to take care of you and he betrayed that trust, he wants to make it up to you."Caroline looked at her, asking her to forgive her with her eyes.

She had to forgive her, how could she not when her friend had risked her life to safe both her and a vampire that did horrible things to her, how could she not forgive the friend that had supported her through anything and everything, how could she blame her friend for making one selfish choice that would protect her in the end, how could she ever forgive her if she shouldn't have been in that position in the first place, knowing that there was nothing to forgive, she ran towards Caroline, taking her in her arms for the fourth time that day, giving her the forgiveness she asked with the colliding of their tears.

* * *

><p>"Where are you going?" Stefan's voice interrupted her march towards the stairs.<p>

She turned around, crossing her arms in front of her chest "My room."

Stefan threw his jacket on the sofa and approached her with an arrogant smile on his face "You mean Damon's room."

She did that eye-thing she learnt from Damon, that look he got on his face when something was obvious "Well yeah.."

Stefan came towards her, trapping her between his body and the stair railing "You're sleeping with me tonight, I have had enough of this bullshit. You're my wife, you belong in my bed. Tonight Bonnie is coming over with his location and not long after that he'll be dead, you better get used to it."

The hard laugh that came out of her throat made him take a step back, his chin up "By the time you get there he'll be long gone. You think he's right here under your nose don't you? You think you'll jump in your car drive for maybe twenty miles and find him? You're wrong, he's not even on this continent. You'll never reach him on time, I took care of that." her voice was arrogant, putting on an act because she had no idea where he was, it all depended on Elijah, she just hoped she was right.

"You warned him?" his voice sounded surprised, taken aback by her confession.

"Of course I did, you thought I had no way to reach him? You were wrong Stefan, I always find my way to him, I always will." she shrugged, not able to hold her arrogant tone back.

She saw him snap, the demon taking over his face, darks veins around his eyes and fangs extending in his mouth, he came towards her with inhuman speed and grabbed her arm, bruising it while doing so. He dragged her with him, crossing the living room, the parlor and hallway before finally pushing her down the stairs in the basement and throwing her in one of the cages, closing the door behind him.

He threw her into the corner and crouched in front of her "We're going to make this clear once and for all, Damon Salvatore will die even if I have to spend the rest of my eternal life searching for him."

"No." she shook her head fiercely "You're not going to hurt him, I'll not let that happen."

Stefan shook his head frustrated "You're so bent on protecting him." he shook his head again"You shouldn't want to protect him, you should protect your fiancé. Not the man that was just there to keep the bed warm when I wasn't at home. That's it, isn't it? He was there because you didn't want to be alone."

She shook her head, angry at him for thinking that he could even believe for a second that Damon only was a replacement for him, that he had been her first chose "God. NO."

_"Why are you doing this to yourself?"_

__He opened his eyes, looking but not really seeing anything "I haven't seen you in three weeks."__

__She crouched next to the couch where he was still lying fully clothed, she could smell the alcohol coming of him "I've been here every day." she stroked his hair, not knowing what else to do.__

__He shook his head "You know what I mean." the words came out slurred, she just had to put the words together to figure out what he was saying.__

__This had been going on for two weeks, after the founder's party he would come home every night drunk and pass out on the couch. In the morning he would be gone and return home in the middle of the night, drunk again. __

_"_Come on, let's get you into bed." she tugged on his arm, trying to get some movement in his body. He only pulled his arm back and closed his eyes again, snuggling into the fabric of the couch.__

_"_Too drunk." he muttered the words in the fabric of the couch and turned around, his back facing her.__

__She sighed and went to the end of the couch, pulling his boots off and placing them next to the coffee table, grabbing the blanket that was lying on it, she draped it over his feet and legs, seeing that his leather jacket was still on she started to remove it but his body just kept frozen "Damon come on, that can't be comfortable." she gave one last pull on it before surrendering.__

__She watched him, lying there, trying to figure out what was going on, why he had developed this routine in the past two weeks, she knew that they hadn't been able to make love in three weeks because Stefan was always there but that had happened before and he was able to deal with it back then. __

__She felt bad for not being there for him, not being able to take care of him when he got home drunk. Stefan would always tell her that it was his own fault and that she shouldn't worry about his brother but that didn't keep her from sneaking out of Stefan's room every night and watch him sleep on the couch, stroking his hair and letting his head rest on her lap while staring at his face.__

_"_Damon move over." she gave his back a stump, trying to make room for her on the couch.__

__He turned around, his head facing the ceiling and his body occupying the whole couch "Why?"the word came out slurred again and she wondered how much alcohol was in his body because it took a whole amount of it to get a vampire this loaded.__

_"_Because Stefan is finally out for the night and I'm not going to sleep without you next to me." she gave his body another push, trying to shove him out of the way with all her strength.__

_"_Easy.." he turned on his side and shuffled himself against the back of the couch. __

__She grabbed his arm again, pulling it out of the sleeve of the leather jacket and pulling so hard on it that it came out from under his body so she could remove his other arm out of the jacket.__

__She tossed the jacket on the coffee table and pulled the blanket up that was covering his body, lying down on the couch and snuggling into his body.__

_"_Happy now?" he looked down at her, his eyes hazy, not the usual clear ocean blue.__

_"_No." she looked down, letting her head rest against his chest.__

_"_Yea, me neither." he threw his arm around her and pulled her body closer to his.__

__She looked up again, alerted by his words "Why are you doing this?" she looked at his face.__

__He kept looking into the fire over her head but he seemed more sober than a few moments ago"If you chose me then why doesn't it feel like it?"__

_"_Because we have to keep up this charade till the fight, it was your idea. You think he's going to go back on human blood if he finds out about us."she stroked his hair, not able to be angry anymore when she finally knew what was bothering him.__

_"_But he is there every moment, every second of the day." he was frustrated, maybe sexually frustrated or just frustrated because they hadn't spend time together in the past three weeks.__

_"_You think he suspects something?" she stared at his face, still not able to lock her eyes with his.__

_"_No, I think he just wants to spend every second with you before the fight, in case it goes wrong." his voice became softer towards the end because he knew it could go wrong, he could lose her or she could lose him and it would tear them apart because their time together would have been too short, there would never be enough time for them to spend together.__

_"_Is it wrong for me to want to spend those moments with you?" she had thought about this too, it was bothering her that she couldn't spend time with him while she and Stefan were always together, she spend what could be her last moments on earth with him and it frustrated her because there was only one person she needed every second of her life, her life that could soon be over, she could die or he could die but either way it would be over because she wasn't going to live without him, she had made that choice when she chose him, if he died she would follow him.__

__He finally looked at her, locking his eyes with hers but not saying a word, not able to blame her for the moments they lost to his lovesick brother. Not able to tell her that he was as lovesick as his brother, that he wanted every moment for the rest of her life to claim as his, that he wanted to be there every step of the way, every emotion she felt, every emotion they would experience together, he would be there for her through everything, make her feel and ____experience everything.__

__She saw the struggle on his face and pushed herself up, pressing her lips softly against his, waiting for their response, when they did, his whole body answered hers, he pushed himself up her, never leaving her lips and drove his hips into hers. She pushed the hem of his shirt up, only to feel his skin against hers again and started caressing every inch of it. He moaned against her mouth and released her lips from his hold to push her shirt op as well and fumbled behind her back to get her bra off her, when it was finally off he placed kisses on her breasts, squeezing them while teasing her nipples with his tongue, he went for the zipper of her pants but collapsed on her, she saw him struggling to get up, still beaten down by the alcohol.__

_"_Shh, let me take care of you." she pushed him back in the couch, placing his head next to hers and his body flush against her. __

__She pulled of his shirt, kissing him while doing so and unzipped his pants to release him, putting her fingers behind the waistband of his boxers she reached her goal and started stroking his length, seeing his lips parting and his eyes flutter, she started stroking faster, feeling his hips thrusting himself in her hand and waiting for his release, she bowed down and took him in her mouth, swallowing his fluids and waiting for his length to soften again and put him back in his boxers.__

__He pulled her back up, kissing her and trying to get her pants off when she grabbed his hand and stopped him. He looked at her confused "What about y...?"__

__She stopped him with a kiss before he could ask her "I don't need it."__

__They both went silent because they knew why she didn't need it, because Stefan was still allowed to touch her, because two times a week she felt like a whore, cheap, willingly, unfaithful and most of all dirty.__

__She pushed herself closer to him, putting her arms around him and pressing her breasts against his chest, he did the same, pushing his arms around her and pulling every inch of her body against his.__

_"_I love you." it had been too long since she last told him and the words were begging to get out.__

__He opened his eyes again and pressed a kiss against her lips "I know you do."__

__She knew he wasn't going to say it back, he had made it very clear that he would only say it back when she was fully his, when he didn't have to share her anymore with anyone else, when her whole heart, body and soul were his property and his only. It was useless to tell him she already was.__

"Then what was he to you, Elena?" Stefan was still crouched in front of her, trapping her in the corner.

"He was my everything, he became everything to me. I didn't want to live without him." the tears were rolling down her face, making spots on the emerald green dress she was still wearing.

"But you're still alive." Stefan smiled at her "Maybe he didn't mean that much to you after all."

"No, I'm still alive because I made him a promise but it's not one I'm not going to keep."

_"_I'm scared."__

__She turned around, facing him and cupping his face in her hands, not wanting to let him go. Wanting to keep him here forever where he would be save, where Klaus or no other vampire could get to him.__

_"_No one is going to let anything happen to you." he placed his hands on hers, squeezing her fingers with his.__

__She shook her head, looking in his eyes, seeing that he was as afraid as her "That's not what I fear." she squeezed his fingers back with hers, connecting them.__

_"_You have nothing to be afraid of, I'm not going to let anything happen to you." he held her hands tighter, making their connection stronger.__

__Tears streamed over her cheeks, she tasted the salt on her lips, the taste of fear, not fearing for her own life but for his. Because if he died all this would have been for nothing, the fight would have been pointless, trying to keep her alive would have been pointless because she wasn't going to let him leave her behind.__

_"_Damon.." she was silenced with the pressure of his lips against hers, begging her to not make this more difficult but she couldn't ignore this, she had to say this so she pulled her lips from his, holding his head still in her hands, catching the beautiful ocean blue eyes with her hazel ones "I can't lose you, if I lose you all of this will have been pointless."__

__He released her hands and grabbed her face in his hands, putting so much pressure on the sides of her head that it almost hurts, she could see the anger in his eyes, the way all his muscles in his body were reacting to that anger "You listen to me and you listen to me carefully. If something happens to me you are going to live, you're going to move on because I refuse to die for nothing, I will not let my brother and your friends risk their life for nothing."__

__The tears were still streaming down her face, wetting his hands together with her shirt "I'm not going to live without you." she yelled at him, angry at him because she knew if something happened to her he would take the liberty of killing himself and come right after her.__

_"_NO." he yelled at her, his eyes wide and his teeth clenched "You're not listening. If I don't walk through that door tonight, you have to forget about me, you have to move on and forget that you ever knew me, you have to live your life, marry some random guy and have a bunch of kids."__

__She shook her head, not going to accept this, wanting to make him understand that she wasn't going to be miserable for the rest of her life because he wanted her to live without him "I love you, a life without you would have no meaning, no direction or no goal. It would be a waste to live it." she pressed her hands in the sides of his face, showing him that she could be as tough and demanding as him.__

_"_YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND." she closed her eyes, flinching away from the shout that came out of his throat, he pressed the sides of her face harder, waiting for her to open her eyes "I'm not going to die for nothing, I won't let those other people die for nothing, they're going to save you even if I die in the process but you will be saved, do you understand me?" he shook her head with his hands and bored his eyes into hers "All this will not be for nothing, you are not going to kill yourself because you think that a life without me would be a waste. Living is not a waste Elena, it would be a waste by throwing it away. So if I survive this or not, you are going to live your life and take every opportunity that comes on your way because that's what we're fighting for tonight, to give you those extra opportunities and experiences, I will not let you throw that away."__

_"_No." she whimpered, trying to see through her tears, cursing herself for letting her love ____somebody so much, for making her life seem pointless when he wasn't there, she knew that she was selfish, that all her friends and family would be risking their lives tonight for her to live but she loved him so much, so much that she would always be selfish when it came to him, she would choose him over anyone, letting him live over anyone and if she didn't get to make that choice she would be selfish enough to take her own life so she didn't have to live without him.__

_"_Yes." he nodded his head, meaning that it was the only right answer, the only answer that he would accept "Promise me." he bored his eyes into hers, pushing the right answer into her head "Promise me."__

__She just nodded her head, knowing that he wasn't going to let her make that choice, knowing that he wouldn't accept another answer, knowing that if he died, they could bury them in the same grave. __

"What did you promise him?" Stefan stood up and started walking around the room, his face still angry and arrogant.

"I promised him that if he died, I would live." she let out a hard laugh, for him thinking that she could ever live without him.

Stefan stopped in his tracks and turned towards her "So if he dies you're going to kill yourself?"

She nodded her head "If you kill him, you better get used to the idea of being a widower because I refuse to take another breath or let my heart beat one more time without him being alive."

He spit at her and started phasing angry around the cage, slamming his fists in the wall before marching back towards her "Than why didn't you kill yourself six years ago? Why are you still alive?"

She stood up, letting him know that she wasn't afraid of him "Because he didn't die."

He laughed in her face "Yes he did. He was dead to you because I made him dead to you."

She shook her head, stubborn "No, he didn't die."

Stefan grabbed her arms, pushing her against the wall "Yes, he died." he spoke through clenched teeth.

She put her hands against his chest, trying to push him away or at least trying to put some distance between their bodies "You don't get it." she spit the words in his face "I knew he wasn't dead because I was still alive." she bored her eyes further into his "He couldn't be dead because I was still breathing and my heart was still beating, I kept on living because he did."

They kept staring at each other and she was waiting for the moment he would snap again and hit her to the point of her dead but he didn't do anything, he kept staring at her while they were both breathing heavy and daring the other to make the first move. She saw him open his mouth but he didn't get the chance to talk when the door swung open and Bonnie appeared, anger all over her face.

"What did you do?" the witch yelled into the room, forming echoes.

Elena didn't know who she was talking to, her or Stefan because her eyes switched between their bodies so she just kept staring back at Bonnie, trying to make sense of the situation. Maybe she had finally come to her senses and came to her rescue.

"I can't find him, I can't track him, what did you do?" the witch spoke through clenched teeth.

Relieve came over her, hearing the words of the witch, knowing that he was safe, that neither Stefan or Bonnie could get to him and hurt him, a smile spread across her face, disbelief in her voice "He found a way." she looked at Stefan and back to Bonnie, still laughing from relieve "He found a way."

Stefan let go of her and crossed the room towards Bonnie "What do you mean? You can't track him?" his voice was angry.

Bonnie shook her head "I've been trying all kind of spells, nothing works. Something is blocking me from finding him." she gave Elena a dirty look, accusing her with her eyes.

All she could do was laugh, laughing from relieve, happy because she had saved him, because he was save and nobody was going to touch him "He found a way." the words were the most beautiful ones she ever heard.

Stefan looked at her and pointed a finger at her "Don't get any ideas in your head, we'll find him. This war is coming to an end."

"Oh no, Stefan." she stoop up again, shaking her head and boring her eyes into his.

"This is just the beginning."


	16. Chapter 16

Come on skinny love, just last the year  
>Pour a little salt, we were never here<br>My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my  
>Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Long lost &amp; gone<strong>

Chapter 16

Elena stared out the window of the chapel, irritated by the bright sun that made everything look so beautiful, so peaceful. She prayed for rain, wind, hail, a tornado. Anything that would screw up the outdoor wedding. A wedding that wasn't even hers. Bonnie and Stefan had taken care of every little detail, every color, every material, every piece of fabric, all of it had been carefully picked to make the wedding seem perfect. That's why she was hoping for rain, a thunderstorm, a hurricane. It didn't matter, it just had to ruin their perfect plans.

Usually her mood depended on the weather. When the sun was shining bright and warm, she would be a happy person. If there were gray clouds in the sky and rain falling out of it, she would be in a bad mood for the rest of the day. But today the weather didn't have any effect on her. Today, the sun was warming her skin through the glass, the birds were singing their spring songs and the beautiful flowers around the chapel were in full blossom but it didn't have any effect on her. Her body was numb, holding back any emotion that came to the surface. Only anger made its way through the shield. Anger because she had lost almost everyone she loved in the past few years, anger because she wasn't allowed to keep the one person she could still love. Angry at God for choosing this path for her, angry at him because there seemed to be no way out of it. But most of all angry at the singing birds, the blossoming flowers, the laughing children on the street, the bright sun that made the world around her seem so happy while her own world was crashing down on her.

"Elena?"

She turned around, facing Cooper's concerned voice. The look in his eyes made her self-conscious. She knew she looked bad, bags under her eyes from not having slept in two days, bloodshot from crying the past night. Her skin pale from nausea. Her body so skinny from not eating in a long time.

"Are you okay?" He saw the tears in her eyes, the breaths she struggled to take, the quiet whimpers that came out of her mouth. The fragile body that was breaking down in front of him.

She nodded her head. "I'm fine." her voice broke, revealing her lie. Revealing every piece of her broken heart, every fiber of her ripped soul, every scream of her body.

"Wanna try that again?." The shaking body, the thrilling hands, the trembling lips. He could read her like a book.

She chuckled, shaking her head. "You and Damon must have been separated at birth."

Only mentioning his name, thinking it. It made her legs give out, letting her crumble to the ground. Sobbing, shaking, screaming because she had fought, she had sacrificed, she had given everything up and still she didn't get to keep one thing. The one thing, the only thing she really wanted.

Cooper sat down next to her, cradling her in his arms, trying to make her pain go away so she could feel numb again.

She looked up at him with her bloodshot eyes, clutching his arm. "You know what they say about people? When they want something and they finally have it, they immediately want something else?"

Cooper nodded his head. Confused where his friend was going with this but holding her because she needed it. She needed someone to hold on to when everyone she cared about was disappearing on her.

She clutched his arm tighter, boring her teary eyes into his. "I would never ask for anything else or for something more. I wouldn't need a new phone or money or a house. I just want one thing, why can't I have one thing while everyone else has everything they want?" She got up on her knees, clutching both his arms in her small hands, her eyes wide open. "I just want one thing. If I got it, I would never ask for anything else. I just want him, for the rest of my life. I don't need anything else. You have to believe me, Coop. You have to believe me." She had the look of a crazy person on her face, she was breaking down, tearing her body apart, ripping her soul in more pieces, smashing her heart with the panic attack that took over her body.

He brought her head back to his chest, holding her because seeing his best friend break down made him need something to hold onto himself. "I believe you, Elena." He rocked her body in his arms. "Shh.. I believe you."

"What if I never see him again? Maybe I can never hold him again or tell him I love him. I should have told him sooner, I should have said it more, I should have said it after every breath." She buried her head in Coop's chest. "I didn't tell him enough. I should have said it every second he was with me."

He lifted her chin up with one finger, making her look at him. "We'll get you to him, do you understand? I'll make sure you see him again. And when you do, I want you to tell him that you love him until your voice gives out so you'll know that he knows for the rest of his life that you do."

"And if he forgets, I'll be there to knock it in that stubborn head of his." Caroline sat down on her other side. Putting her arms around Elena and squeezing her between her vampire body and Coop's human body.

They just sat there, holding each other. Caroline was sobbing with her while Cooper rubbed her back and stroked her hair, comforting Caroline in the process.

"I heard them talk." Caroline broke the silence, looking up from where her head rested on Elena's shoulder. "Bonnie and Stefan." She clarified when they both looked confused.

"What did they say?" Elena's voice pitched. She felt Cooper hugging her closer against him, afraid that she would break down again from what Caroline might tell her.

"They were talking about the witch that's blocking Bonnie from finding Damon. Apparently, the only one able to block out another witch has to be from the oldest witch bloodline there is. Bonnie said that these witches possess powers that exceed hers because every witch born in that line becomes stronger and stronger." Caroline's voice sounded admiring.

"What kind of powers do they have?" Elena looked at Caroline, listening carefully to the vampire.

"Bonnie said something about looking into your future and seeing your destiny." Caroline shook her head again, trying to remember Bonnie's words. "Powers other witches can only dream of."

"Does Damon know someone like that?" Cooper looked down at her.

She shook her head. "I don't think so."

"Bonnie said something about Lucy, that she might be able to do it because she was trained by an original witch. But Lucy is..." Caroline's voice trailed off.

"I let Lucy die because of Damon." Elena answered when Cooper looked confused from one girl to the other.

__She entered the boarding house through the back door, hearing voices in the parlor, sneaking in because she knew that they were keeping something from her, something big. Something she would have never agreed to, something that had to be kept from her because that something was going to define their whole plan and her whole future.__

"_I know we've gone over this before but I want to do it one more time." She could hear Lucy's voice speak._

"_I'll make sure Klaus is weak enough so you can get to him, he'll still be stronger than you, so be fast and stab the dagger right into his heart because I won't be able to keep him weak for very long." She heard Lucy walking in the parlor, her heels tapping on the wooden floor._

_Elena came closer and pushed herself against the wall, she would be able to see them if she just peeked around the corner, but with the three vampires and two witches in the room she didn't dare to take the risk._

_Lucy stood still. The tapping stopped._

"_The dagger will kill you because you're a vampire." Elena's breathing stopped, hearing the words of the witch. She knew there were only three vampires in that room. Two men, one women. All three prepared to die for her. But only one that couldn't die when they wanted her to live after the fight._

"_...but you're the strongest so you're more likely to get to him." Lucy's voice had a trail of sadness behind it._

_Elena clutched her chest, arms crossed, pushing her heart back into place. Trying to make that unbearable ache in her heart stop. Trying not to scream and not to cry. Trying to imagine her life without him, imagining it with anyone but him. Imagining it with the emptiness she would always carry with her. The emptiness that would never be filled again. The ache that would never go away. The ache that would take over her whole body. A body that would never respond to another one again._

"_I get it." She shouldn't have been surprised by the voice that answered because they all knew who the strongest was. The one that was going to die for her. The one that had made her promise to live without him because he knew, he knew he was never going to come back. He knew he was going to leave her behind. He knew she was never going to accept it. He knew that after that night, his hands would never touch her skin again._

"_Now all we have to do is keep it from Elena." Stefan's voice sounded smug, because he wasn't the one dying. He wasn't the one leaving his heart behind. He wasn't the one that would die and never get the chance to experience the love you could only get from someone who loved you with her whole heart. Her whole body and soul. The love that could consume you and destroy you with one look. The love she felt for his brother. _

_If she only had the strength to stand up, she would tell him that. She would tell him that she would never love him again, that she had chosen his brother a long time ago. That his brother had taken his place in her heart a long time ago. Not only his place but the place of every single person in her life, every single person in that room. S_he would tell him that he couldn't __let his brother die without her dying because she wouldn't have anything to live for without him.__

"_That's going to be pretty hard to do." She could imagine the eye-thing that came along with that sentence. With that sentence she knew she was lost. She knew that she would have to get up because he already knew she was there, he had already registered her presence. His body had already registered hers _and his soul had already been searching it's way towards hers.__

_Stefan sighed. "She has been clueless for months. Even Caroline didn't blab it out." Caroline must have looked offended because Stefan looked at her apologetically. "Sorry Caroline." She heard Caroline mutter something. "But the point is that we can hide it for another day so she doesn't have to pretend to care about your death and get all frustrated at you. We'll already have to deal with it after the fight because she isn't going to forgive us easily but by that time you will be dead and she will be saved, it's a win-win."_

"_Well Stefan for being such a saint, you sure as hell aren't acting like one but that's not my point, my point is that your girlfriend already knows about my upcoming death." Damon's voice sounded exhausted but she could still trace the smugness in it when he raised it. "Come on in eavesdropper, I'm sure you have an opinion."_

_She should have been irritated by the way he spoke to her but it only made her mad, furious for the decision he had made. The one he had apparently made months ago, months before she told him that she had chosen him. That he owned her. That she loved him. Months before she told him that she wasn't going to live without him._

_She stood up, her arms at her sides, fists clenched and her breathing heavy. Turning around the corner she heard the gasps from her friends and family. The eyes that were looking at her and calling her name, trying to explain but she couldn't focus on them, not when the one person in the room that had a whole bunch of explaining to do was unmoved by her presence. That one person that was obligated to look at her and explain everything didn't. _

_It only made her more furious because she knew he wasn't going to change his mind. She knew him like he knew her, body, soul and mind. They knew every piece and nerve of each other's body. Every curve and every vein. Every breath and every heartbeat._

_A few of her friends tried to approach her, trying to explain and soothe her but she wasn't going to have any of it. Her furious mind refused to register any word they said, she needed him to explain. To explain to her that this was a sick joke. That he wasn't going to die._

_So she walked towards him, her steps determined. Sure, because he couldn't die, he knew that he couldn't die. He didn't move, didn't even blink or breathe when she stopped in front of him, eyes focused on his face. H_er whole body language screaming angry when her whole heart was in disbelieve.__

_Her mouth opened, trying to form any words but her mind was blank. Every bit of energy went to her heart, trying to heal it. Trying to keep it together and trying to make the ache stop._

_He finally looked up at Stefan and pointed a finger at her. "Stefan, I told you to keep the goldfish in the bowl."_

_SLAP._

_His head turned to the side, his jaw red from the impact. Her hand hurting from the force behind it and her heart squeezing because he was going to leave her behind. He was going to leave her and never come back, but he didn't have the right to leave her, not when he had made her feel every emotion possible, not when she had hated him, loathed and resented him. Not when even in this moment she was more furious than she had ever been in her life _and still loved him more than any other being every could have.__

_She turned around, her back facing him, tears streaming down her face and rage taking over her whole body. She couldn't let him go. Not that easily. _

_She turned around to face him, raised her arm up and hit him again, watching as his face turned abruptly to the other side. He needed to hurt. She needed to hurt him as much as he hurt her. She needed to make him feel that he couldn't just leave her behind. She needed to make him realize that the pain of him leaving her would feel like this. Like she got slapped in the face over and over again._

_She knew that he let her hit him, time after time, hit after hit, his face cocking to the side and back. He let it happen because he knew how she felt. How he had betrayed her. How he had broken the foundation of their relationship when he hadn't been honest with her. How he had broken her just now by giving all her love back. How he had destroyed her with making her promise that she was going to live without him._

"_Stop." She felt Stefan's arms wrap around her waist and pull her back "Elena, stop it." _

_She struggled against his hold, trying to break free so she could get back to her mission. T_rying to break it so she could go back to her goal. Trying with every hit and every push to get her love into him. Trying with every glance to tell him that this was the last thing she wanted to do. __

_His eyes were boring into hers. His jaw red and covered with bloody scratches. The deep cuts on his neck that her nails had caused were still bleeding, his shirt covered in blood. The blood she could see under her nails, could feel on her fingertips._

"_You want to be angry?" His eyes bored right into hers, right into the animal that wasn't going to let her prey escape. Not before it got what it wanted. Not before the prey would surrender to her. "Let her go Stefan, let's see how angry she can be."_

_Stefan started protesting. "Damon, that's not,-"_

"_LET HER GO." Everyone in the room took a step back, except for the body in Stefan's arms that was still reaching forwards, trying to launch herself at him. Burying every feeling she ever had for him in his body with every hit. Hate, fear, disappointment, distrust, trust, joy, longing, lust, love... A whole list he had put her through, a list she would gladly undergo again if he just let her keep him._

_The arms around her were carefully pulled back, releasing her. She raised her hand again, ready to bring another scratch to his face when he grabbed her wrist and threw his whole body against hers, pushing her against the wooden floor and holding her still. His legs entangled with hers. His hips pushing into hers. His chest pressing her whole upper body down. His left hand was still holding her wrist while his right hand was securely wrapped around her throat._

"_You want to be angry at me? You want to fight me?" He pushed his hips into hers, earning a growl from the squirming animal underneath him. "Go ahead, because I won't be here tomorrow to fight with you." _

_Those words earned him another attempt at clawing his eyes out. She tried to fight him, her whole body arching and pushing against his, trying to make him move so she could make it clear to him that he wasn't going anywhere. That she wouldn't let him get out of her hold. That even if he was a vampire, she would find a way to keep him locked. Locked in the house. Locked in her heart. Locked in her body. Locked in her life._

"_Damon, get off my girlfriend." Stefan got between the struggling couple, giving Damon a push in the process. _

"_Stay out of this." Damon kept his eyes on her, studying her face while his body kept her in place. _

_Something in his voice made Stefan step backwards, taking his place next to the other people that had their gazes fixed on the struggling couple._

"_I hate you!" It was the first thing she said in the ten minutes she had been struggling against the vampire. The first thing she didn't mean because even if she hated him at that moment and would hate him for a long time, it would never be more than the love she felt for him. The love she felt when his body touched hers, the love that made her whole body shiver when he locked his eyes with hers._

_"_That's too bad." his eyes bored into hers, keeping her eyes captive while the rest of her body was still fighting for freedom 'Because I love you.' she saw his lips move, the way he made no sound, the way he just mouthed the words at her, she felt the way her body responded to it, the warmth that went through it, the way it made her body ease against his. __

_She stopped fighting and squirming. Just shaking her head from side to side, still not wanting to give up, but knowing she was losing, losing this battle, losing her love, losing him, losing herself, losing everything that had become her whole future in just a few months time._

"_Shh…" He tried to soothe her, pressing his hand on one side of her face and nuzzling his nose against the other side. He weakened his grip on her wrist but still held her arm up above her head._

_She removed her eyes from his, glancing at the rest of his face, inspecting the scars and bruises on it. She felt nauseous by what she had done when the animal had taken over her body. When everything she was living for was threatening to disappear from life. The life she had chosen. The life that was ripped away from her just minutes ago._

"_I'm still here." He moved the hand that was resting on one side of her face upwards, stroking away the pieces of hair falling on her forehead and placing a kiss against her ear with each stroke. "I'm still here." He kept repeating the words, whispering them in her ear, trying to calm her down. Trying to make the sobs stop, trying to let her know that he wouldn't leave her behind if there was another option._

"_Damon what are you doing?" Stefan's angry voice made her body tense up again, reminding her that they weren't alone in the room. That she couldn't beg him right now. That she couldn't make it clear to him how much she loved him. How he couldn't leave her behind when there was nothing to live for without him._

"_Using a Chinese calm technique I learned in Austria." He kept his gaze on her, stroking her hair and rolling his eyes while giving her a small smile, asking her to forgive him, just for now, just so he could get them out of this mess._

_She rested her forehead against his, breathing in his scent, remembering every detail about him, every curve in his perfect face, every inch of smooth skin, every muscle in his strong body, every shade of blue in his eyes, every piece of his soul._

_He removed the grip on her wrist, grabbed her thighs and pulled her legs around his waist. Once she was securely wrapped around him, he wrapped one arm around her waist and held her tightly. _

"_Hold on."_

_She nodded and wrapped her arm around his shoulder, resting her head in the crook of his neck._

_He pulled her up with him, carrying her in his arms, making his way towards the stairs, leaving their audience behind._

"_Where are you going? Put her down." Stefan grabbed his arm, pulling his brother back and trying to lift Elena out of his hold._

"_I'm dying, I claim her for today." The words made Elena crawl deeper into his body, nuzzling her nose deeper into his neck, breathing against his scars, wishing that she would soon wake up beside him and remember this whole thing as one big nightmare._

There was a knock on the door, followed by Bonnie's voice.

"Elena, why is this door locked? Do you already have the dress on?"

Cooper pressed his mouth to her ear "It will be okay. I promise."

He untangled their bodies slowly, pushing her against Caroline who was still sobbing on her shoulder and stood up. Walking towards the door and looking one last time at her before he unlocked it.

"What's going on?" Bonnie stepped through the door, her eyes focused on the two sobbing girls on the ground.

"Just a girls moment." Cooper looked at Bonnie, waving his hands in the air. "It's the big day you know."

Bonnie turned around, facing him. "Do you mind getting out? We need to get her ready."

"Easy with the tone judgy." He stepped around Bonnie, pulling the door back open, pausing and turning back to Elena. "Remember what I said." He looked into her eyes, his face serious.

She nodded her head. Not sure about what he meant but grateful for the words he had spoken.

Cooper pulled the door close behind him and Bonnie picked up the garment bag from the chair. Pulling it open and revealing the white strapless dress.

"Come on, we've only got thirty minutes. It told you to be ready but apparently you had other things to do. I don't get it though, you're marrying a wonderful man, you should have been ready and jumping through the ceiling hours ago."

"Maybe I don't find him that wonderful." She looked into Bonnie's eyes, seeing the expression from the witch change from annoyed to angry.

Caroline's body went stiff next to her, afraid from what Bonnie might do. But Bonnie didn't comment and turned around, ignoring her comment and smoothing the dress on the hanger.

"You should thank me, I cast a spell so you would have a beautiful sunny wedding. There isn't going to be a breeze of wind or a drop of rain. I thought you might have liked it considering your mood depends on the weather."

She cursed herself for not having thought about that sooner. Of course it was supposed to rain.

* * *

><p>Her long curls were draped around her face, the ends of her coiffure resting on the white fitting halter top of the gown that was covered with lace, starting at her waist and making its way down to the seem of the dress. The train of the dress was covered with little shiny diamonds, the same diamonds that were put into the engagement ring on her finger. The whole picture perfect was created by Bonnie. Head to toe.<p>

"I'm sorry.." Alaric pulled her out of her thoughts and appeared on her side, ready to give her away as his own daughter. "..what I said about Damon..it wasn't my place."

She nodded and smiled at him. "He was your friend too. You had the right to know." it felt wrong using the word friend when he had been so much more to her. But she was about to get married, there wasn't another word she could use.

"Yeah.." Alaric turned his head towards her. ".. but still, it was something between the two of you. It wasn't any of my business."

She linked her arm with his, giving it a pat. "Don't worry, you're not the first one to make it your business.

Alaric didn't answer and put his hand on her arm, ready to walk the aisle with her and give her away. Giving her to a man who had threatened her life and forced her into marrying him. Who had taken away her choice of turning when he had announced last night that he was turning her into a vampire after their wedding night. A night he wanted her to experience as a human, a night he had widely described with all the details of what he was going to do with her.

"I just wish he was here." A tear escaped her eye and she looked down, hiding her pained face from the man that had become her pseudo stepfather in the past years.

Alaric chuckled. "The booze would have been a lot better if he was here." He squeezed her arm, making her chuckle and look up at him with a small smile on her face.

The music started playing and she felt her whole body freeze. She had thought about this moment, the moment where she was supposed to walk towards the altar like she was the happiest person on earth. But the only way she could be happy was if there was a whole other person waiting for her, a person with blue eyes, black raven hair, a body that fitted hers perfectly, a smile you would die for and a soul so beautiful that you couldn't miss it anymore once you had seen it.

She wanted to run away but instead she took a step forward. Only to be pulled back by the person besides her that was boring his eyes into hers, a serious expression on his face like his cousin had thirty minutes before.

"If I could. I would bring him here in a heartbeat just to put a smile on your face." Alaric shook his head, defeated. "But I can't. So it's my job to take care of what he left behind because believe me when I say that the biggest part of him is still here." Alaric tightened the grip on her arm. "It's you. You're the biggest part of him."

Elena stared at him for a second and pulled him in a tight hug, his words letting her tear up all over again. Because this was something she only shared with Alaric. Caroline was there for her and understood her pain but she didn't miss him, she didn't miss the witty comments, the eye-thing, the smirks, the inappropriate behavior or the friendship he could give when you stayed around long enough. Nobody missed him like she and Alaric did.

She released him and looked at him "I'm sorry about the booze." she gave him a smile, appreciating his presence.

"I'll survive." He linked his arms back in hers and moved forwards when the music stopped and started playing again. Demanding their entrance in the backyard.

They turned around the corner, making their way towards the aisle. The hole in her chest aching harsher with every step, her heart squeezing tighter and her body screaming at her like it was giving her a warning. Warning her that it didn't want to be with the man at the alter, that it wanted to belong to the man that could make it scream in pleasure. That it wanted to run to the vampire that could ease her pain with one touch, that could make her soul stop from ripping itself apart and intertwine it with his. Her body wanted to run to the man that could make her half existence whole again.

She looked around, seeing so many people around her she didn't know. People that were all here to celebrate the happiest day of her life with her. People that didn't have a clue about where she really wanted to be.

They passed the rows of people that were smiling at her and finally she saw a familiar face. Cooper smiled at her and she reached for him, stroking his face and giving him a smile until she passed him. Jenna was standing on the first row with tears in her eyes, she gave her aunt's hand a squeeze and focused on the altar. Bonnie and Caroline already standing on her side in a beautiful dress with a bouquet in their hands. The minister stood in the middle, Stefan next to him with Tyler behind him.

Stefan extended his hand and Alaric placed hers in it. Placing a kiss on her head before taking his place next to Tyler. Shivers reached her spine, feeling Stefan's cold skin against her. Missing the reaction it could get, the warm tingles that made her body humming, the fire that would burn in her belly, waiting to feel more skin against hers. Instead she wanted to pull away the small piece of skin that was touching Stefan's because it felt so wrong.

The minister started welcoming the guests and before she knew it, it was time for their vows. She had picked something of the internet because she knew she wouldn't be able to speak from the heart. Her voice didn't held any emotion when she spoke them. She bend her head down and hoped that Stefan didn't believe a word she was saying about the love, the comfort, the courage he gave her. But she knew he did, because he still wasn't ready to realize that those words had disappeared long ago. That she had started to associate those words with a whole other person. A person that deserved the words so much more.

"Stefan Salvatore, do you take Elena Gilbert for your lawful wedded wife, to live in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love, honor, comfort, and cherish her from this day forward, forsaking all others, keeping only unto her for as long as you both shall live?" The minister had started speaking the words before she realized it.

Stefan locked his eyes with her frozen face and smiled. "I do."

The Minister nodded and turned his body towards her. "Elena Gilbert, do you take Stefan Salvatore for your lawful wedded husband, to live in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love, honor, comfort, and cherish him from this day forward, forsaking all others, keeping only unto him for as long as you both shall live?"

Her heart stopped, her breathing ceased, her veins throbbed. She couldn't agree to any of this, she wasn't supposed to agree to any of this. Because none of those vows were true. Who was she to stand in front of God and lie about who she was going to love, honor, comfort and cherish? Who was she to promise to forsake all others when she only wanted somebody else? Who was she to swear to love the man in front of her until the end of her life when she was going to love his brother forever?

'I..." She shook her head, trying to shake away the ache in her heart, just trying to spit the words out so she could save her family and friends from the monster in front of her. "I.."

Before she could repeat it another time, a lightning bolt struck down on the lawn, making a brown spot in the green field. Thunder rumbled above them, making everyone look up to the gray sky. Raindrops fell on her skin, making spots on the white silk dress. The storm she hoped for had finally arrived.

"We should go inside." Stefan pulled on her arm.

Caroline came behind her, putting her hands on her shoulders. "I'll take her. You and Bonnie should take care of the guests."

Stefan nodded and made his way towards the guests. Pointing them to the entrance of the chapel.

"You know who's doing this, right?" Caroline turned her around when Bonnie and Stefan got inside with their guests.

"I know." She smiled and looked up, closing her eyes and enjoying the raindrops on her face.

She had heard about it. How he could control the elements, how he could make the sun disappear and cloud the day with the most gray clouds you had ever seen. How he could determine where lightning struck. How he could choose the sound of the thunder above their heads. But she had never witnessed it, she had never thought that he was this powerful, that he could overpower the spell of witch.

"I'm surprised there's no fog. He's being a disappointment." Caroline smiled at her and grabbed her arms, making them spin around like two little girls, dancing in the rain.

Fog appeared around them and covered the lawn around the chapel. Lightning struck again and again, always on a safe distant from them. Thunder rumbled above their heads, each time louder than the previous time. Wind raged over the field, letting their hair blow in their faces.

"Damon! You're ruin my wedding." She yelled in the air, laughing. Knowing he could hear after the fog comment Caroline had made.

She looked around, searching for him, scanning all the trees for a dark figure that appeared out of nowhere but didn't see anything.

"Where are you?" She looked around, trying to see something through the fog. Expecting him to just walk in on the scene.

Caroline stopped dancing and looked at her. "I think he's not here. That's why he's doing this. Just to postpone the whole thing."

"You think he can do this from a distance?" She shook her head, still amazed by his power.

"Emotions feed a vampire's power. I think he can do this, Elena." Caroline laughed and made them spin around again.

She laughed with her and enjoyed the breeze that made her feel so light, so free.

* * *

><p>"You were going to say no, weren't you?" Stefan appeared behind her.<p>

She kept looking through the window. Seeing the wind dominating the trees. The rain smashing into the windows. The weather finally reflecting her mood.

"Can you blame me?" She looked down at her intertwined hands. Noticing the wet spots on her dress.

"Yes, I can." She heard him tapping his foot on the wooden floor.

"Well, I blame you for a lot of things." She kept her voice calm and looked through the window again. Admiring the beautiful storm that seemed to dominate the whole landscape. Still waiting for the dark figure to appear from behind the trees.

He chuckled. "You mean for making Damon leave six years ago."

She shook her head. "For turning my best friend against me. For keeping me from him. For hurting me all those times. But yes, mostly for making Damon leave."

"I just want what's best for you." His voice almost sounded compassionate. He almost sounded like the Stefan she had once knew, once loved.

She turned around, locking her eyes with his. "Than let me go home. Stefan."

_"_Don't do this." She looked up from her place on the bed where he had put her down just moments ago.__

__He sat down on the edge of the bed next to her, pressing a washing cloth against the scratches on his face.__

_"_Don't. Don't beg me. It won't change my mind." He looked down at her, stroking the pieces of hair from her forehead.__

__She pushed herself up and sat down next to him, taking the washing cloth from him.__

_"_I'm so sorry." She kissed the scars on his cheek, tasting the blood on her lips.__

_"_It's okay. I deserved it." He leaned his head to the side, letting it rest against her forehead.__

_"_Yes, you did." She wasn't going to sugarcoat it, he had betrayed her, hurt her, destroyed her, deceived her and yet, she couldn't be angry at him anymore. All the anger had left her body the ____moment he had thrown his against hers. Making her feel again, making her heart heal again, making her whole again.__

__He just chuckled and didn't answer so she pressed the cloth against his cheek, cleaning the scars she had caused. She saw them heal underneath the blood, becoming pink scars on his skin. __

_"_I wish my heart could heal that fast." She looked up at him, tears blurring her vision. Streaming down her cheeks and wetting her shirt.__

__He turned his head away from her, focusing on a painting on the wall.__

__She kept cleaning his scars, pushing his shirt out of the way so she could get to the ones on his neck. With every scar she cleaned, she felt something die inside of her, with every stroke of the cloth she felt a piece of her heart being ripped away, with every stroke a piece of her hope washed away until she couldn't take it anymore and pushed her head against his shoulder.__

_"_Don't do this to me. Don't leave me. Not without taking me with you." She sobbed against his shoulder, clutching his arm between her palms, holding onto him because he could be gone any moment.__

_"_Don't forget your promise." He kept his eyes on the wall, not brave enough to look at the girl next to him, not brave enough to take her in his arms and tell her that he would be with her for the rest of her life, that she had nothing to worry about because he was going to be beside her for as long as she wanted him to be. __

_"_Than stay with me. Wake up next to me in the morning and I'll forget all of this. I'll forget that you lied and I'll forget that you tried to take yourself away from me. I'll forget everything about today and I'll still love you tomorrow with every piece of me, how small it may be, it will love you." She looked at the side of his face, desperate for him to turn around and tell her that he would let her love him tomorrow and the day after. That she would still be able to love him in a hundred years.__

__He shook his head, biting his lip to keep his emotions under control. "There isn't anyone else who can do it."__

_"_That's a lie. You were not the only person in that room. Let someone else do it." She raised her voice, angry at him for trying to make excuses.__

__He turned around, his wide eyes locking with hers, shock over his face. "That's your family in there, Elena. Your friends."__

__She nodded her head and looked down to where she was still holding his arm. "But I will always choose you." She deliberately used his words. Because he knew the emotions that rested behind them, the truth that was concealed behind those words.__

__He stood up, pacing the room. "That's your brother down there." He pointed towards the parlor. "Your best friends. People you've known your whole life. People you love." __

__She turned around on the bed, facing the side of the room he was pacing. The tears still in her eyes and running down her cheeks. Her bloodstained hands trying to rub them out of her eyes so she could see him more clearly.__

_"_Don't you think I know that?" She looked into his eyes, trying to understand why she couldn't live without the man in front of her. Why she would let anyone die to keep him here. She could only come up with one thing. The only thing that made sense. Because he made the love she felt for all the people in her life seem nothing in comparison to her love for him.__

_"_You're out of your mind." He spoke through clenched teeth, his eyes and nostrils wide open from the rage in his body. Because he couldn't believe that she would let her family die for him, that she would send one of her friends to their death, maybe even all of them if she could just keep him.__

__She stood up, her eyes looking through the window of his bedroom. "I know that. Who in his right mind would have fallen in love with a murderous vampire that has used one of her friends as a chewing stick. Attacked her other friend and has multiple times threatened to kill one of her family members? Someone who's in their right mind wouldn't even come close to you but yet, here I am. Every chance I get I'm here with you. I crave it to be with you. Someone in their right mind would let you die so she could be saved but I can't do that. Because what I feel for you it makes me do the most stupid things. It makes me crawl into your bed in the middle of the night while Stefan is asleep just across the hall. It makes me drive across the state so I can just spend a few hours with you while you're on one of those council trips. It makes me justify the death of someone I love so I can keep you. You don't have to tell me that I'm out of my mind because I know. But I also know that I love you more than anything. And any other person who would feel this way would run into the other direction because it ends up killing you. And I've cursed you for the way you make me feel, Damon. But I'm done cursing you, I've surrendered and I've let myself feel every emotion you give me and it made me the happiest person on earth. So don't judge me for being selfish for this one time. I sacrificed enough in the last few years to be selfish for one time. I want you and you're going to stay here and you're going to wake up next to me in the morning because I swear if you don't than they can make a headstone for both of us."__

__During her speech she had turned around, leaning against the wooden frame of the window so she could see his reaction. So she could see the anger on his face being replaced by the guilt in his eyes.__

_"_You've spent 145 years looking for someone that didn't want you. But I want you Damon. I want every piece of you, the good and the bad. Don't throw that away." She shook her head, her own tears still running down her face.__

__He looked up again, his eyes locking with hers. She could see the struggle on his face, the one side that wanted to run away so she couldn't talk him out of it and the other side that had already given in and was going to stay with her. She crumbled down to the floor, afraid for what side was going to win, afraid it was going to be the wrong side.__

__But then her chin was lifted up from between her knees and his lips were bruising hers. And she felt the hope she had lost a few minutes ago return to her body. Feeling her heart beating at a steady pace again, her heartbeats moving with the rhythm of the lips that were pushing against hers. Her breathing matching the moans that seem to come from into the core of her body. Her soul intertwining with his and captivating him so he was forced to stay there.__

__He picked her up like he had done in the parlor, her legs around his waist. Her chest pushed against his and her arms holding onto his shoulders. Only her lips hadn't been on his before, but they should have been. She should have made it clear to everyone that he couldn't die, that he could never leave her behind because he was everything to her, that she loved him more than her own life, that she rather died beside him than to live on without him.__

_"_You're leaving me." She didn't have to ask. She felt it in his body, how his lips were saying their silent goodbye to hers, how his hands wandered over her curves like they wanted to remember every one of them. How his eyes studied her face, noticing every little detail in them so he could lock them up in his mind. How he let his hand slide between her breasts when she pulled off her blouse and bra, exposing her chest to him, the chest that held a dying heart. __

__He nodded, his head bumping against hers. "You would do the same for me." He pushed his lips back against hers. Unbuttoning the jeans she was wearing and pulling her legs out of them.__

_"_But you would never allow me to do it." Her hands wandered over his bare back, trying to find a way to keep his chest pressed against hers. Finding a way to keep him inside of her and never allow him to get out. __

__He didn't answer her and for a moment they just stared at each other's naked bodies. Their legs folded underneath them and their vertical bodies just inches apart from each other. Remembering every pore in each other's skin, every shade in each other's eyes, every eyelash and every furrow in each other's face. Memorizing each other and locking the images away in their heart so they would never be out of reach.__

_"_Stay with me." She whispered against his face while she let her hand trail along his jaw. Pushing her nose next to his and straddling him.__

__He grabbed her thighs and slowly entered her, making her body freeze with the feeling of perfection inside of her.__

__For a moment they just did nothing, their bodies not moving, her heart not beating and her breaths held back. They just stared at each other, marveling in the feeling of being one. Knowing that it could be the last time that they ever felt it. That maybe she wouldn't find a way to save him.__

__Her silent sobbing was the only sound in the room. A sound that worsened with every time he thrust slowly into her. The side of her face rubbing against his with every up and down movement. She clinging onto his shoulders because this could be the last time that she felt his skin rub against hers, sending tingles and fire through her body.__

_"_Don't leave me." He swallowed her whimpers in his mouth, thrusting faster into her. Reflecting his own anger with every stroke.__

_"_I want to keep you." Her body started trembling from the movement inside of her and she realized she still wasn't whole again. So she pushed her hair to one side and exposed her neck to him, seeing his face change into his true self, the vampire she wanted to spend the rest of forever with.__

__She studied his face and kissed the black veins around his eyes. Letting two fingers trail the fangs in his mouth. She pulled his head towards her smooth neck where he started sucking and nibbling on her skin while she pushed herself up and down on his length.__

__His fangs pierced her skin and she grabbed the knife on the bedside table, making a fresh cut in his shoulder. He growled in response and she closed her lips around the blood, pushing the flesh open with her tongue so she could taste more of his blood.__

__Damon retracted his fangs from her neck and she felt his body stiffen against her while he buried his seeds in her womb. He pulled her with him in her own climax which she experienced with the familiar trembles and shivers he released in her body. For a moment they just clung onto one another, holding the other one's body in their arms.__

__She licked the blood from his shoulder and released him, pulling him down with her against the covers. He draped himself across her body and took his spot on her breast. She started stroking his hair and for a while they just didn't speak, too lost in their own thoughts. Both of them worrying about something else but still about each other. __

_"_When I told you I loved you.. did you know you were going to die?" Her voice pitched with the last words because she still couldn't believe that he was doing this to her. She was selfish for wanting to keep him here because eventually he wouldn't just save her life but also the people around her that were in danger every day. But the thought of him dying and leaving her behind ____made her so angry and selfish.__

__He nodded his head against her breast. __

_"_And when I told you I chose you?" She looked down at him and stopped stroking his hair because if he knew back then, he would have known for such a long time. He would have been selfish enough to keep sleeping with her and making her feel more for him when he could have prevented the feelings she was experiencing now.__

__He pushed himself up on his arms, hovering above her body. Looking at her with pleading eyes.__

_"_I knew all along." He stroked away the tears on her cheeks. "I knew it the first time I had you in my bed. That's why I let you in it. Because I wanted to have you just once, just to know how it felt to properly love you. But what we shared that night..." He shook his head, looking at her with so much regret on his face, so much remorse in his eyes. __

_"_I couldn't let you go and I hated it how I wanted you more after each time. I tried to stop and I tried to ignore you but every time you would come back to me and you would crawl into my bed. I couldn't keep myself from giving you what you wanted. Because I wanted the same things. I wanted you to want me and I wanted you. I wanted you to choose me and when you did I started to search for other ways, I read every book about originals, surfed every web page, called every person I know. I don't want to leave you but this is the only way we can defeat Klaus. I begged you not to love me so I wouldn't try to find excuses to stay with you but you fell in love with me and you and I, we became us. We fell in love and we started to depend on each other, we started to have our own secrets and our own private jokes, you became me and I became you. I can't let me die, I care to much about me." He tried to make it sound teasing but she didn't look amused, she could only focus on the guilt in his eyes. __

_"_I can't let you die, Lena. And even if you threaten to kill yourself I know you won't because you promised me. And I would do anything to stay with you. I would give everything to stay right here in your arms. And I want to be next to you for as long as you want me. I want to spend forever with you but I've been too selfish in my existence and I've taken too much. I can't have that so I'll have the next best thing. It's knowing that you'll be alive and that maybe you'll think of me from time to time, remembering what we had while you read your child a story and crawl into bed next to your husband."__

__She was going to ignore the comment about the child, the husband. Because she wouldn't have them. If there was anyone going to be her husband it would be him, if there was going to be any child it would be his. She only focused on the forever part that echoed in her ears. __

_"_Stay with me. Come back to me after the fight and we can start our forever tomorrow." She cupped his beautiful face in her hands. Letting the tears cloud her vision with her new found hope.__

__His eyes lit up, his mouth falling open in surprise. "You would turn?"__

_"_Of course I would. You thought I was going to go all gray and wrinkled on you? I want forever too. I want every moment of forever with you." She was surprised how steady her voice sounded. Each time Stefan asked her she would answer that she didn't know if she ever wanted to be a vampire. One time she had even answered that she didn't even knew what love was but it was impossible to not know it with the vampire that was hovering over her. The vampire that had taken over her whole life, the vampire she was begging to spend forever with her because she was sure that she wanted to turn for him. She wanted to become a monster and feed from blood bags so she could stay with him. So they could stay like this forever.__

_"_Let's say we go on the run and I turn you. You will never see you're family again. You'll never have a human life or the kids you want so much. You'll lose everything. You'll never have a home ____again, dusty motels and an old Chevrolet would become your bedroom. Diners and cafes your kitchen. I'm not going to do that to you." His eyes bored into hers, disbelieve in them because he knew how she wanted to stay here and protect her family. He knew she dreamed about children, something she could never have with him. She was aware of all those things but they didn't make any difference because she knew that she would never have children and she knew that she would leave her family because when it came to him, there was nothing that stopped her from being selfish.__

_"_But I'll have you. You will be with me in those dusty motels and in that old chevrolet of yours. I will have you next to me when I eat those hamburgers and fries in that cafe. Can't you see? That's all that matters to me. I don't need a home because I have one. You're my home."__

"Let me go home, Stefan." Her eyes were pleading. Pleading him to let her go and find the man she really belonged to.

"Where is your home, Elena?" His eyes bored back into hers, sympathy in them. This was the Stefan she once knew. The Stefan that understood her and would have given her anything she wanted.

"We both know where my home is." She stepped forward and grabbed his hands.

"Don't you think he would be here if he really cared about you? I don't see him here." He looked through the window and his eyebrow furrowed in doubt.

She squeezed his hands between hers. Taking advantage of the doubt in his eyes.

"But we both know he's on his way. Bonnie's spell got overpowered and that there.." she nodded her chin to the window. "That's only the beginning of his power."

Stefan's eyes hardened again, the anger back in his features. "Bonnie cast a spell about a mile away from the chapel, he won't get through the shield. And even if he does, she cast a spell on me too. I'm stronger than him."

"What?" Her voice got stuck in her throat and she let go of his hands.

"We only want you to be save." His voice sounded so compassionate that she almost believed it, almost.

She got angry again and it made her want to rip his heart out. Knowing that she couldn't physically. She tried it emotionally. "Do you know why I always slept on your chest?" She didn't give him the time to answer. "So I would feel you move. So my throat would be out of your fangs' reach." She inhaled and cursed herself for sharing this with him but she wanted to hurt him and did it the only way she could think of. "Do you know where Damon slept?" She looked at him before answering her own question again. "Right here." She placed her hand on her breast. "He would lie here all night above my heartbeat and in the morning he would nuzzle his nose in my neck against my vein and not even once I thought about him hurting me. So don't talk about me being save because he's the safest place I know."

Stefan's nostrils were wide open and for a moment she thought that he was going to hit her again but then he opened his mouth. "If you truly believe he cares so much about you, than why didn't he come sooner. Because I didn't see him."

"That's because you weren't looking." She stepped forwards and reached for his hands again, driven by the emotions in her body. "They say that the eyes are the windows to a person's soul. Look into my eyes, Stefan. You'll see his name carved in it."

Stefan tore his eyes away from hers and stepped backwards, pulling his hands out of hers. "The chapel will be prepared in five minutes. Be ready."

He left the room and Caroline walked in with Cooper behind her.

"What did he want?" Caroline snorted and came to stand next to her.

She didn't have time to explain "Caroline, Bonnie put up a barrier a mile away from here. He can't get through."

"But if he's there, it means he escaped Elijah and that's a pretty hard thing to do." Caroline shook her head.

"You think he can do this from god knows where?" She looked at her best friend and saw her considering her question.

"To be honest.." Caroline sighed. "That dose of vervain I gave him should have put him down for a couple of days. And I don't think he could have escaped Elijah. Damon is strong but not strong enough to fight Elijah."

"Girls.." Coop interrupted. "I'm going to find Alaric, give you two a moment." He winked and left the room.

"But you vervained him yesterday. How can he do that.." She pointed outside where the wind and rain were still dominating the landscape. ".. when he's still out?"

Caroline shook her head. "Vervain shuts off a vampire's body but it doesn't affect their mind. I think Damon is just showing how powerful he really is. Warning Stefan for the time he gets here."

"I hope you're wrong."

* * *

><p>"Whoever objects against this union, speak now or forever hold your peace." The minister didn't even look up from his Bible. No one had objected the first time so he didn't expect there would be objections the second time. She looked around, almost begging for someone to stand up and object. Almost expecting for Damon to jump up and perform one of his famous speeches.<p>

The minister waited and there was a moment of silence before he opened his mouth again to move forward. The heavy wooden door of the chapel went open and every body turned around to the intruder.

Cooper walked in, trying to close the door silently behind him but failing miserably. He smiled apologetically at her and she smiled back. Stefan just rolled his eyes and told the minister to proceed.

The service went on and this time she was able to hear every word the minister said. Her mind was still busy with Caroline and Stefan's words. Caroline had been right, she didn't know much about vampire anatomy but all the vervain darts would have been enough to put him out for a couple of days. She had seen Stefan do it years ago with less.

"Stefan Salvatore, do you take Elena Gilbert for your lawful wedded wife, to live in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love, honor, comfort, and cherish her from this day forward, forsaking all others, keeping only unto her for as long as you both shall live?"

Stefan smiled again. Flashing his white teeth in her face "Of course I do."

"Elena Gilbert, do you take Stefan Salvatore for your lawful wedded husband, to live in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love, honor, comfort, and cherish him from this day forward, forsaking all others, keeping only unto him for as long as you both shall live?"

She opened her mouth. "Y..."

"Now Elena." the new voice behind her interrupted. She saw Stefan's eyes go wide and turned her head over her shoulder. "I would be very disappointed if you said yes."

Her knees grew weak under her dress, seeing the man behind her.

"What brings you here, Elijah?" Stefan spit out. Making her look back at his face.

Elijah ignored his question and came closer towards the altar. "I mean, we shouldn't have made the eight hour drive when you want to say yes to this man."

"We?" Stefan asked over her head, his muscles stiff in his body and his eyes boring into Elijah's face.

"Hello brother."

The velvet voice came from behind Stefan. She looked over his shoulder and her body squeezed in joy. Because her drug was back. He came back just like the last time she had seen him. Black boots, black leather jacket, his hair messy and the ocean blue eyes always present.

Stefan turned around slowly, disbelieve and anger all over his face. Because one way or another, his brother had made it through Bonnie's shield. Something he had never thought possible, something he had never been prepared for.

"Am I too late to do the whole I object thing? Because I do." He raised his eyebrows and sent Stefan a mocking expression. "I object."

The minister broke the tension between the two vampires. "I'm sorry young man but you are too late."

"Damon." The whisper escaped her mouth before she could hold it back. Her whole body was fighting her mind to get to him. To push her skin against his and never let it go again. Her heart was calling his name, whispering it through her voice.

The ocean blue eyes became soft and focused on her terrified face. Brown doe eyes met piercing blue ones and everything around them seemed to disappear. The chapel wasn't there anymore, only her beating heart that echoed in her ears. There were no people around them, only two bodies that were demanding each other's presence. All the pain in her heart was swallowed in his soul, carrying it for her so she would never have to feel it again. Time had no meaning anymore, the years he had been away didn't matter anymore, the moments that were stolen from them would never come back. But none of it mattered, because he was back. And he brought her back home, he brought her heart with him, the missing pieces of her soul, the strength of her body, the laugh on her tearful face. He brought back her other half, the half that had been missing for so many years. He brought it back and made her one again.

"Ask me why." His eyes left hers for just a second as he glanced to the minister and back to her. "Ask me why I object."

The minister shook his head. "I'm afraid you're too late for that."

"Why?" Tears streamed down her face as she kept her eyes on the man she had been fighting for the past six years. The man that had become her whole world, her whole future. The man that had been ripped away from her because he had been a danger to her. A danger she had approached, had loved.

"Because I was a fool six years ago. I was a scared little boy that ran away because I couldn't deal with what I felt about you. I should have come back after that fight, I should have walked through that door. I should have come back the moment I realized that they were trying to fool me. I was a fool for thinking that I did the right thing." He shook his head, his face drowned in a sad and guilty expression.

"And when I came back.." He shook his head again. "You were engaged to another man and I couldn't have you. But still you just let me in. You didn't ask any questions and opened your arms for me. You still loved me after everything I put you through and I just started to imagine having you back like I used to." He chuckled softly. "I wanted back those times when you would wake me up in the middle of the night and demand that I would get you ice-cream. I remember coming home and finding you asleep on the couch where you had been waiting for me. You would wake up like you felt I was there and smile at me with your tousled hair. I picked you up from the couch and carried you upstairs to bed where you snuggled into me and asked me about my day. You would fall asleep before I got two words out but for some reason that didn't matter. Because I never felt more at home than when you would lay asleep on that couch, waiting for me or when you left those little notes on my night table with the most craziest messages on them. It made me want to spend every moment with you, it made me get up with you in the morning and drive you to school every chance I got so I could just spend a few minutes with you. But I couldn't keep you, you were so young and I was scared that you would change your mind about me, about us, about everything. I couldn't tell you I loved you. If I had, I would have never been able to let you go again. But I did and I still do. I never stopped loving you."

Tears streamed down her cheeks and her heart started to beat so much faster than healthy. "But it's the only thing I want.." She looked at his beautiful face and locked their eyes. "I want you, I was us. I want everything that is us. I never stopped wanting you, not even for a second. How could you think that I would change my mind? After all the times I told you that I loved you, that I didn't want to live without you. I never changed my mind, I still love you more than anything and I still want you more than anyone."

"Then walk with me through that door." He pointed his arm to the dark wooden door of the chapel. "And I promise I'll get you ice-cream every night if you want me to. And I'll let you love me tomorrow and the day after. And you'll still be able to love me in five hundred years if that's what you want. Because I'm not leaving again and I'll be there next to you for as long as you want me to be."

"Even if I want you to stay forever?" Her voice pitched while the tears kept streaming down her face.

He nodded his head, his face still serious . "Forever is all I'm asking for."

A smile crept around their lips as they kept their eyes locked, their expressions mirroring on each other's faces. She stopped weeping and lifted the skirt of her dress up, ready to walk in his waiting arms. Ready to receive her heart back from him.

"I didn't think so." Stefan moved his body in front of her when she tried to ran off the altar.

She saw Damon move forward but being pulled back by Cooper who just gave him a warning expression. Damon nodded his head and stepped backwards while Cooper stepped towards them.

She looked at Cooper with a confused face. "Cooper. What are you doing? Get back."

Cooper just looked strange at her and pulled up his eyebrow. Moving forward and putting his body between hers and Stefan.

"Cooper, you don't want to stand between them." She grabbed his arms and tried to push him out of the way.

He shrugged. "I'm not standing between them. I'm standing between you and them."

"Coop." She shook her head.

"Do you remember what I told you this morning?" He lifted his hand up and started caressing her tearful face.

She nodded her head.

"I did my part. It's time to do yours." His face was more serious than she had ever seen it. More mature than she could have ever imagined.

"What are you talking about?" She shook her head again. Looking around the chapel and pausing her gaze at Damon who's expression she couldn't read.

"I mean it's time to run." He grabbed her arm and shoved her off the altar. When she threw a curious look in Stefan's direction he added. "You'll be safe. GO!"

She walked past Cooper, waiting for Stefan to stop her. But he just kept his place, his body and eyes frozen, like he was unable to move.

Seeing that he wouldn't move, she turned around and started running to the place where Cooper had stopped Damon from moving forward. The place where she would finally be reunited with him.

The train of her white dress floated behind her while she ran as fast as she could towards the man she loved. The man that possessed her, body and soul, in life and in death. The man that had never claimed her as his but that never had to, because she was his, she had never been anyone else's. He owned her as much as she owned him.

_"All I could do was give into him."_

_"I couldn't leave him. I would have let him destroy me if that meant I could stay forever with him."_

_"I would have ripped the world apart to find him. I would have torn it apart, to get to him."_

_"If he was going to die he was going to pull me with him too."_

_"He was my life once." _

_"If Damon dies, I'll be right behind him." _

All those words were swimming in her mind, the way he had made her feel, the way he had hurt her. They way she hadn't been able to resist him. The way she still couldn't resist the man that was waiting for her. Because even when everyone had tried to pull her away from him, she was still running to him_._

_"Loving him, it's a curse." _

_"It's never going to be easy to love Damon." _

_"You're not going to give him up are you?" _

_"He broke your heart." _

_"You would do anything to get him back."_

_"He set you free." _

_"He didn't need the distractions anymore because he found the real thing."_

_"He's not going to let her marry his brother."_

Warm arms wrapped around her cold body. Demanding lips bruised her mouth. Bodies melted into each other. Hearts were collided. Souls were intertwined. Nerves were eased. Emotions became heightened. All the pain, all the heartbreak, the longing, the lust, hate, love. Every memory she ever had with one of those feelings twirled around in her head.

_"I left you to be happy." - "Be happy? How could I be happy? You weren't here." _

_"I can't have you." - "I won't have anybody else but you." _

_"Loving you, it was the easiest and hardest thing I've ever done."_

_"I lost you and got you back and it's more than I could ever wish for." _

_"Promise me you'll find me." - "I promise."_

_"I need you to choose." - "I choose you."_

_"Tell me you're mine." - "You own me."_

_"What if I'll never learn how to love someone?" -__ "I"ll love enough for the both of us." _

_"This is were I belong." - "Yes it is, but not yet." _

She pulled her lips away from his mouth and opened her eyes. Staring into the ocean blue eyes that would forever remain her home.

"I'm finally where I belong." Her voice was a barrel of emotions, not knowing which one to express first.

He nodded his head and pressed a soft kiss against her swollen lips. "Yes you are."

His voice gave her goosebumps, shivers went through her back, her heart skipped a beat. All her physical reactions to his touch were back and she savored every one of them.

"I love you." She cupped his beautiful face in her hands. "I love you so much. And it has scared me for a long time." She looked in his eyes and smiled."But I'm not afraid of the way I feel about you, not anymore. Because I've lived without you and it almost killed me. So I don't need to be scared anymore because you're the only thing that's keeping me alive."

A single tear streamed down his face and she smiled up at him, her whole face lightening up with his presence. A whole body started to crave for his touch. Her whole soul started to demand its other half back. Her heart started beating faster to release its love for him.

She pressed her lips against his again, again and again. Her hands nestling and finding their spot in the black raven hair to pull his whole body into hers. His hands fondling every inch of her back and face to press every piece of her closer against every piece of him.

Their lips were still moving synchronized when Damon removed his hands from her back and grabbed the sides of his head. She fell with him on the floor and cradled his body in her arms.

"Damon what's wrong?" She cradled his head in her lap.

He didn't answer. And she had been stupid to ask because she had seen this many times before. Bonnie who was in full trance, her eyes focused on Damon and her chin up.

"Bonnie! Stop it!" Her scream echoed between the walls of the chapel.

But Bonnie didn't stop and Damon kept biting his lip to keep himself from screaming. She realized there was only one way to stop his pain. So she placed his head gently on the ground and got up, running in Bonnie's direction who was still standing on the altar next to Caroline.

"Bonnie! Please stop!" She shook her friends body.

Bonnie didn't look at her but kept her gaze on Damon and lifted her chin higher. Damon started screaming behind her, obviously in more pain than before. And it made her heart ache, her soul ripping apart, her body uneasy.

"Bonnie, please." She shook her friend again. "I know you blame him for a lot of things. I know you blame him for Jeremy but it wasn't his fault. Please stop."

Bonnie's eyes focused on her face and Damon stopped screaming."Did you forget about Lucy? He killed Lucy!"

Her breath got stuck in her throat. "No." She shook her head. "He wasn't the one who killed Lucy." Tears streamed down her face as she found the strength to reveal her long kept secret. "I did."

_"_I should go." He lifted his head up from the place on her breast.__

__She shook her head. "I told you. You're not going anywhere."__

__She tightened the grip on his neck and shoulders. Holding him in her arms and pressing his naked body firmly against hers so he couldn't get away.__

_"_Than at least let me go talk to Lucy. She has to find another way." He tried to move out of her hold but she just pulled him back against her bare chest.__

_"_Stop lying." She grabbed the back of his head and pushed it back down against her breast.__

__This time he lifted himself up and broke her hold with his back. Using his vampire speed to get to the other end of the room where he had dropped his clothes.__

__She stepped out of the bed and pulled the black sheet off it, wrapping it around her breasts and placing her body in front of the door.__

__He pulled on his boots and sighed. __

__She kept her place in front of the door, her back pressed against it so he wouldn't be able to get to the handle.__

__He walked towards her, slowly and placed his hands against the wall, one arm on each side of her. His face only inches away from hers, she could feel his warm breath on her face. __

_"_You can't keep me in here and you know it." He leaned forward and pressed his nose against hers, letting their foreheads rest against each other.__

__She removed one hand from the sheet she was holding and started caressing his face. "Can you blame me for trying?"__

__He chuckled and pressed his lips against hers. She felt his hand at her side and grabbed it. Holding it away from the handle. He smiled against her mouth and drove his hips into hers, making her moan in response. __

__They stayed like that for a few minutes. He making her whole body ache for his touch and she totally forgetting about the handle behind her back. Until suddenly he grabbed it and pulled the door open, pushing her against the wall and walking through it.__

__She stumbled backwards before regaining her balance and following him down the stairs where she could see John and Lucy's shocked faces appear.__

_"_Damon!" She yelled his name a few times, praying for him to turn around and change his mind but he just kept walking.__

__John tried to approach him but he just walked past the man and yelled. "Keep her here."__

__She started running, seeing the distance between them become larger and larger with every second until John's arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her back.__

_"_Damon!" She struggled against John's hold while the man she loved just kept walking towards the door.__

_"_I love you." Tears streamed down her eyes and she felt John's body stiffen behind her.__

__But it didn't have any effect on Damon, he grabbed his jacket and pulled it on while she kept screaming his name, I love you's and kept begging him not to leave her. He just ignored her and pulled the door open.__

_"_Let them die." __

__He paused halfway from opening the door and she just kept sobbing and struggling in John's arms. __

_"_Let them die, Damon. Let them all die."__

__This was her selfish side, the side that would do anything, say anything to keep him here. The side of her that was never thinking clearly when it came to him. The side of her that usually won these days because keeping him was the most selfish thing she would ever do. It was the side she had fought for years. The years she had tried to be selfless and had succeeded in it. But those years were gone and she had lost too many people she loved. And now she was about to lose the person she loved more than she had ever loved anyone.__

_"_Just stay with me."__

__Her body was giving up, shutting down, turning off her emotions so it didn't have to say goodbye to him. So it didn't have to miss him so much that it would hurt more than she could bare. __

__He slammed the door shut and turned around, walking fast in her direction. __

__She extended her arms and pushed her body forward in John's hold, already waiting for his skin to touch hers.__

__John's arms were replaced with the familiar strong arms and her lips parted to grant his tongue ____access to her mouth.__

__After a few minutes, he pulled back and started stroking her hair, his eyes boring into hers and his face covered in regret.__

_"_Sometimes I wish I had never met you." He put his finger on her lips when she tried to answer. "My life was a lot easier back then. The only thing I had to worry about was having a blond or brunette for lunch. I thought I had it all."__

__He leaned down and pressed his lips against hers, pressing his hips into hers.__

_"_But then I met you. And you gave me a reason to care, to feel again. And when I did you started to feel for me too. We became friends and after a while we became more." He shook his head and smiled. __

_"_I saw you waking up next to me and you would snuggle your nose into my neck and place kisses on my cheek. Doing everything in your power to keep me in that bed because you wanted me there, you wanted to be with me. And I realized that I didn't have anything before you. I found everything in you. I had it all with you."__

__He lowered his head again and pressed another kiss against her mouth, stroking her hair and caressing her face.__

_"_My girl, my beautiful girl." He placed kisses on her bare shoulder and neck, inhaling her scent for one last time.__

__She nodded against the side of his head. "Your girl. I'm yours." The hope in her voice made her eyes come back to life.__

_"_I know you are. You are as much mine as I am yours." He trailed his nose down her neck again and placed a kiss against her collarbone.__

_"_And I love you as much as you love me." Her voice pitched because he had never said it. Because he had only said it one time, the time he lay on his deathbed. But she knew, she had always known.__

_"_When did I say I love you?" He stopped her when she was about to remember him that he mouthed the words. "I never said it out loud."__

__She looked up at him and smiled, seeing right through the facade he tried to keep up. __

_"_I know you do. I know that Alaric offers you every time your drunk to stay at his apartment but you always come home to me, even if Alaric's place is much closer to the grill. I know you skip council meetings in the holidays so you can spend time with me. And I know that I'm the only person that's allowed to drive your car besides you."__

_"_The car gave me away, huh?" He raised his eyebrow and stared at her face.__

__She nodded and smiled at him. "That. And you talk in your sleep."__

__He smiled again but not his usual smile, a smile that was full of regret, the regret she could see in his eyes. He looked at John and nodded his head. She just stared up confused at his face.__

__But then she felt John's arms wrap around her again and Damon pulled his back. Placing a kiss on her forehead. And she got it.__

_"_No." She grabbed the sleeve of his jacket and pulled him back, kicking her legs against John's ____knees.__

_"_Don't forget your promise."__

__Damon took her hand in his and kissed her knuckles before he let go of her and walked towards the door again. Turning the handle and disappearing out of her sight.__

__Screams and sobs filled the room until they saw the blue chevy turn off the driveway. Her body went numb in John's arms and he placed her gently on the couch next to them.__

_"_Alaric is going to arrive any minute. We should pack our things. The rest of the group already left." Lucy came to stand behind the couch and looked at John.__

__He tried to get up but Elena grabbed the hem of his button-up. "Do you want your daughter to be a vampire?"__

__His eyes went wide and he looked at her in shock.__

_"_Because if not. You better find another way." She stood up and looked him in the eyes, knowing that he would never let her turn into the thing he hated the most.__

__He composed himself and crossed his arms. "And how would you do that?"__

__She let out a hard laugh. "It's not that difficult when you have vampire blood in your system."__

__John's eyes went wide again and Lucy walked around the couch, grabbing her arm and releasing it again.__

_"_Damon's blood." __

__She turned to Lucy. "Very good. So what's the other way?"__

__Lucy shook her head. "There isn't another way."__

__She shook her head and crossed her arms. "There is always another way."__

__John interrupted before Lucy could speak again. "It could kill us both. Lucy would have to channel too much power."__

__She nodded her head and turned back to John. "And why would it kill you?"__

__Lucy came to stand next to John. "Because I would channel Damon's power in John's body. There is a chance that the dagger mistakes him for Damon and kills him."__

_"_But it's only a chance? There is a chance that you both die? But if Damon does it, he will die." She looked from the witch to John and back.__

__Lucy nodded her head. "Elena, I know this is really hard for you to understand but Damon is the one who's most likely to get to him. John would still be weaker even with Damon's power."__

_"_But you could all survive this. Isn't that the most important thing?" Her voice went soft again, forgetting her selfish side for a moment.__

_"_Ele -"__

__Lucy was interrupted by John who stepped forward and placed his hands on her shoulders.__

_"_We'll do it, on one condition." __

__She nodded her head and waited for him to continue.__

_"_There is still a chance that Damon won't survive this, even if I take his place. If he doesn't make it, you have to promise that you'll stay human."__

__She threw her arms around John, who was surprised by the gesture and whispered in his ear. __

_"_I promise."__

__It wasn't like she was going to turn without Damon by her side or even live without him.__

__They heard Alaric's car on the driveway and she released John, who grabbed his jacket and went to talk to Alaric. Lucy stared at her for a moment and followed John.__

_"_Oh, Elena?"__

__She turned around and faced the witch.__

_"_Congratulations, you're a real Petrova."__

"I was the one who forced John and Lucy to do it. So blame me, not him. Because he didn't know." She looked down at the ground where her dress was draped around her, ashamed of what she had just confessed.

"No." Bonnie shook her head in disbelieve.

She looked up and nodded her head. "I couldn't give him up so I threatened John and he decided to go through with it."

Tears streamed down Bonnie's face and she kept her gaze on the bride. "How could you?"

"Because I had lost so many people I loved. I couldn't let another one die that easily." She looked up at Bonnie. "But you knew, didn't you? You knew I loved him. That's why you agreed to Stefan's plan. That's why you wanted Damon to die and when that didn't work out you told him I was dead so he would leave. You knew I would leave Stefan for him. You were my best friend, you knew me better than anyone."

Bonnie's face became angry and her teeth clenched. "You and him, it's a lie."

"No." She shook her friend once more. "It's the absolute truth."

"You knew Lucy Bennett?" Cooper's voice came from behind them and broke the atmosphere between the two girls. "When you talked about Lucy this morning...that was Lucy Bennett?"

Her eyes focused on Cooper's pained face. "Yes, how do you know her?"

He looked up, his face full of sorrow. "My mom trained us both."

"Coop, what?" She shook her head in confusion.

"He's the witch." Bonnie's eyes traveled over Coop's body.

Before Cooper could speak again, there was a loud crash. The organ of the chapel broke in two pieces and Damon stood up, throwing Stefan off him.

When he tried to launch himself again at Damon, Elijah blocked his way and threw him a warning glance.

Stefan's eyes looked around frantically and paused on Elena's terrified face. Before she could even blink, his body launched for hers, his fangs ready to plunge themselves in her skin.

She closed her eyes, waiting for the blow on her body. Instead, she felt herself floating backwards and heard an angry Caroline growl.

Her back came in contact with a wall and she opened her eyes again, locking with murderous blue ones. Behind his strong back she saw Caroline and Stefan fighting. Cooper and Bonnie chanting.

"Damon. I'm so glad you're not dead." Alaric approached them from the side.

Damon turned around and shook his head. "Not the time for a reunion, buddy." He looked back at her. "Get her out of here."

"Damon, NO!" She pulled him back when he tried to leave. "He's stronger than you. Bonnie put a spell on him."

Damon shook his head, different emotions crossing his face before he settled for determined. "All the more reasons to get you out of here."

"Damon." She pulled him back against her body and pushed her arms around his back. "I'm not leaving you."

"Elena." His voice sounded tired. "I can't be distracted with your safety. I can't watch you every second and still fight a tuned Stefan." He rolled his eyes.

She pushed herself up and captured his lips. "Don't die again."

He started to entangle their bodies and kissed her forehead. "I'm not planning on it."

* * *

><p>Alaric left her on the couch in her old childhood home. Letting her stare out of the window, waiting for a blue Chevy to arrive. Waiting for that door to open. Waiting for any sign that indicated she could finally start her life with the man she loved.<p>

Her whole body was twisting and turning on the couch, already regretting the decision she had made when she left the chapel. He always made her do the most stupid things and now she was just looking for a way to get back to him. To save him, throw herself in front of him if she had to. Because this time he wasn't going anywhere without her.

"So I guess you found out about Cooper?"

The voice came from behind her and she turned around. Taking in the appearance of the woman, long black hair in a ponytail, brown eyes like her own, the fitting black jeans showing off her long legs, black heels under them and the ever present smirk on her face.

"You always show up at the wrong time." She grumbled and turned back to the window, still waiting for the blue convertible to turn up.

The female vampire stepped around the couch and plopped herself down next to her. Inspecting her nails while humming a song Elena didn't recognize.

She sighed. "Okay, I'll bite. How do you know Cooper?"

"I thought you were never going to ask." She straightened herself and turned her body towards Elena. "Eight years ago, a man came to me. Begging me to help his sick wife. I wasn't tempted at first but after some research I learned something very interesting."

Elena nodded her head. "He was a witch."

"And not just any witch. One of the most powerful ones out there." She nodded her head towards the window.

"But Cooper didn't know of vampires until Damon saved us in Richmond." Elena looked up at the vampire with a confused face.

"We'll get to that part later." She turned her head around and stared out the window. "I gave his wife my blood and she got better. Of course I made him promise to repay me later and he did." She sighed and turned her head back towards Elena. "Seven years later he came back, claiming that his wife was sick again, the cancer had spread through her whole body. I gave her my blood again but this time it didn't help and the pain stayed. I suppose even vampire blood can't cure cancer. She refused to become a vampire but she wanted to die, like really die." The vampire rolled her eyes. "Cooper couldn't do it so I took care of it. To pay his debt I assigned him as your personal bodyguard. I told him that you could never know what he was or who had send him."

Elena nodded her head in understanding and looked up again. "It wasn't money." She clarified when the vampire pulled up her eyebrow. "The first time he had to repay you. You didn't ask for money."

The woman in front of her smiled and shook her head. "No, it wasn't money."

"Than what was it?" Elena sat up straighter and waited impatient for the answer.

The vampire was lost in her thoughts before she made up her mind. "I asked him to look into your future. You're my daughter, I was always curious about you." She shrugged.

"What did he see?"

"Something I never wanted him to see. Something I never thought possible." A shiver went through her shoulders, like she remembered the most awful thing she had ever seen.

Understanding washed over her as she looked at Isobel. "He saw Damon." The whisper escaped her mouth as she thought further about her previous encounters with her biological mother. "That's why you knew he loved me that day on the town's square. Because Cooper had seen him long before that. He saw me and Damon didn't he?"

Isobel nodded her head. "Imagine that. He's probably the last person a mother wants to see her daughter with. And there it was, right in front of my eyes. Even before you met him or Stefan or before your parents died. He was in your future before you even laid your eyes on him. Can you blame me for trying to keep you away from him?" She looked away again, thinking about something. "Like the twilight-chick always says.." She looked back at Elena. "The future isn't set in stone..." She shook her head again. "..but Damon was set in yours."

She chuckled and Isobel looked up at her with a strange look on her face."Jenna bought me the Twilight Saga for my birthday. Damon threw them in the garbage before I could read them, claiming they were an insult for his kind. The next day he came home with a bunch of Anne Rice books."

"He was right." Isobel nodded her head and looked at her with a thoughtful face. "Maybe he isn't such a bad influence on you."

She chuckled and looked at the door behind Isobel again. Praying for it to open and revealing Damon.

Isobel noticed her staring. "He needs to walk through that door, doesn't he?"

She nodded her head because she had been waiting like this once before. The ache in her chest anxiously waiting for him to walk through that door and start their life together.

_"_I'm sure they'll be fine." Alaric's voice pulled her away from her death stare at the door.__

_"_You don't know that." She turned around and hugged the pillow she was holding tighter to her chest.__

_"_There are two powerful witches, three vampires and two humans with a ring that brings them back to life. I don't think we have to worry too much." Alaric sounded sure but she could see ___in his eyes that he was as much afraid as her._

_"_I just hope their plan works." Most of all, she just wanted Damon to come back home in one piece and alive.__

_"_I still don't know how you got John and Lucy to do this. We tried to persuade them for months to find another way." Alaric shook his head in disbelieve.__

_"_They have a chance to make it out alive, Damon doesn't. I just pointed that out." She looked through the window again. Tracing the empty street for headlights.__

_"_For claiming to hate him, you go through a lot of trouble to protect him." Alaric smiled and downed his bourbon.__

__She chuckled. "I never really hated him, I just couldn't forgive him for what he did to Jeremy."__

__But she had, she forgave him a long time ago. She forgave him the first night he made love to her, the night he had made her his and ruined her for all other men. The night she had intertwined her soul with his for the first time and felt whole again after a long time of feeling empty. She forgave him the first night she had to restrain her heart from loving him.__

__Headlights turned up the driveway and she jumped up from the couch. Trying to recognize the car.__

_"_Sit down." Alaric pushed her back in her seat and moved to the door.__

__The door rang and Alaric pushed himself up to look through the peephole. His face lighted up and he unlocked the door. Pulling it open and letting Caroline with a sobbing Bonnie in her arms inside.__

_"_Caroline!"She jumped up from the couch and hugged her friend. "I'm so glad you guys are okay." She sighed. "What happened?" She turned towards Bonnie and rubbed her friend's back.__

__Caroline lead Bonnie to the couch and placed her on it. Elena sat down next to her and put the pillow she had been holding back in her lap. __

__Bonnie started sobbing harder. "Lucy died." She buried her head in Elena's shoulder. "That son of a bitch convinced her to do the other spell. Even if he knew it was going to kill both of them." She pulled her head back up and bored her wide eyes into Elena's. "John and Lucy both died, Elena. We should have never trusted him. We should have never trusted Damon."__

_"_Bon - "__

__She was about to explain to her friend that Damon wasn't the reason for the death of her cousin. That her own best friend had pushed her niece into her death. That she had killed her own biological father because she had been too selfish to make any sacrifices.__

__But the door rang again and all three girls on the couch turned to the hallway where Alaric let Jeremy inside who had a few scratches on his face. __

__He ran towards Bonnie and hugged her tight. Placing a kiss on her forehead and squeezing his sister's hand next to him.__

_"_Jeremy, where are Damon and Stefan?" She looked back at the door, expecting them to follow right after her brother.__

_"_Stefan told me to wait for him here. He said it could take a while." Jeremy looked up from Bonnie's face and smiled at his sister.__

__She smiled back. "But they're okay right?"__

__Jeremy nodded his head. "Yeah, they're okay."__

_"_Okay." She sighed in relieve, knowing that Damon was okay and that he would be here later. But the ache in her heart increased with that thought and she had to hold her chest to stop it. "I'm just going to call them." She grabbed her phone from the table and ran upstairs to her room.__

__She dialed Damon's number and put the phone to her ear, not caring about the fact that he was with Stefan at the moment and that he would have to answer questions about why she was calling him. She just had to hear his voice, just to make sure he was okay and to let that hole in her chest stop aching.__

__The phone rang a few times and went to voicemail. There was no greeting just the beeping sound.__

_"_Hi, it's me. I just wanted to make sure you're okay. I'm staying at Jenna's house so if it gets late, I'll leave the window open. Wake me up if I'm asleep, okay? Who am I kidding? I probably won't sleep until you're here." She whispered in her phone and chuckled. "I just want to hug you and kiss you and tell you I love you. You know after tomorrow you're going to be obligated to say it back right? Because we're telling Stefan tomorrow and I'll shower you with I love you's until you say it back." She chuckled again and looked outside the window where the familiar blue Chevy turned on the driveway. "Oh, never mind. You're here. I love you. See you in a few seconds." __

__She ended the call and ran downstairs, a huge smile on her face when she heard Alaric open the door and greet Stefan.__

__She turned around the corner and saw Stefan. Alaric held the door open and looked outside. She just jumped up and down, waiting for Damon to step through the door.__

__Alaric turned back to Stefan. "Stefan, where's Damon? Because I have this really expensive bottle of scotch to celebrate and I'm not going to share it with a bunch of 17 year olds."__

__There were a few mutters of protest and Stefan turned to Alaric. "He isn't coming." __

__Her smile faded and she tried to remember their conversation this morning, the one before she ____found out he was planning on dying. He told her he would walk through that door if he made it. And he had made it. __

__Alaric's smile faded too and she could see the surprise on his face. "Oh. I'll have to keep it for tomorrow."__

__Stefan shook his head. "He won't be here tomorrow either. He left town."__

_"_What?" She couldn't hold back the shout that escaped her mouth. "Where is Damon?" She stepped forward and came to stand right in front of Stefan.__

_"_He left Elena." Stefan shrugged. "He had nothing to stay for."__

__She put her chin up and crossed her arms like a stubborn child. "He has me."__

_"_He's not going to stay for the one friend he has.." Alaric started protesting. "..and for a drinking buddy." Stefan fumbled with the keys in his hands. __

__She noticed the keys of the Chevy and pointed to them. "He would never let you drive his car. You know he wouldn't let you. He's going to kill you when he finds out."__

__Stefan sighed."He gave me the car keys and his phone himself when I dropped him off at the airport."__

_"_Give them to me." She grabbed the keys out of his hands and held her hand out for the phone. "Give me the phone, Stefan."__

__Stefan pulled the phone out of his jacket and placed it in her waiting hand."He turned it off and I don't know his PIN. So it won't be of any use."__

_"_That doesn't matter." She plopped herself down on the couch and pulled her legs up in front of her, staring at the door. "He'll have to answer to me before he gets them back."__

__She would get some answers before she gave him his stuff back. He was worrying her unnecessary after the stress she had gone through tonight. He knew she didn't like to worry about him and yet he was scaring the shit out of her. It made her so angry that he would have to go buy his liquor in another town because she was planning on vervaining every bottle she could find in Mystic Falls. __

__Stefan sighed and grabbed the handle of the front door. "He's not coming back, Elena." He pulled the door open. "I need a drink, who's coming with me?"__

__The rest of the group agreed and left her behind on the couch. She listened to the silence in the house and grabbed the phone. Turning it on and inserting his PIN, her birthday. The device lightened up and her missed call and message popped up the screen, she deleted them and went back to the home screen. There was a picture of them set as the background. She had never seen it before and she didn't know when it was taken but it showed her with a wide smile on her face and Damon pushing his lips against her cheek, her eyes were closed but her one hand was tangled in his hair and the other was cupping his cheek, pulling him closer to her. __

__All she could see was two people so happy, so free, so in love that she would kill to be them. But she was a part of them and she had killed. So the only thing she could do was sit by the door and wait for the other part of them to arrive.__

"The last time I waited here for him, he didn't show up and I can't go through that again." She shook her head and fumbled with the black phone in her hands, the one she had started using six years ago, the one that still had the same background on it as when he left it behind.

"I can't believe I'm saying this." Isobel shook her head and stood up, lifting her purse from the ground. "Get your stuff, I'll drive you."

* * *

><p>"This is as far as I go." Isobel parked the car in front of the chapel.<p>

Elena jumped out the car and looked around her, Damon's blue convertible was parked across the street, the red carpet in front of the church was ripped to shreds and the door of the chapel stood wide open.

She turned around again. "Thank you.. for Cooper and for .. this."

"It was about time to take responsibility for my daughter. Who knows, maybe in fifty years we'll be sipping mojito's on a beach somewhere." Isobel smiled.

"I wouldn't count on it." She slammed the door shut and ran to the open door of the chapel. Carefully entering the empty room.

"Elena!" Caroline's voice yelled from somewhere in the back of the chapel.

She ran towards the altar and found Caroline bending over two motionless bodies.

"Damon!" She sat down next to him and cradled his lifeless body in her hands. "No baby, don't do this to me." She shook his shoulders and slapped his cheek. "Just wake up." Her tears streamed over his face as she placed kisses everywhere on his skin. Pulling him back to her.

"Elena." Caroline grabbed her shoulder and squeezed it. "He's fine. Stefan got to him with vervain but Elijah checked him out and he's going to be okay in a couple of hours."

"Thank god." She leaned her forehead against his and caressed his face with soft strokes. "What happened to Cooper?"

"He used too much power. He broke the spell so Damon could get here and then he lifted the spell from Stefan so Damon would have a chance against him. And after that he erased the memories of the guests so they wouldn't remember anything that happened in here."

"Where are Bonnie and Stefan?" She looked around, hugging Damon's body closer to her.

"Elijah took them with him. Bonnie lost her powers, Cooper took them from her." Caroline started stroking Cooper's face.

"Is he going to be okay?" She looked at Cooper's pale face and the sobbing Caroline next to him.

Caroline nodded her head. "Elijah said they would be fine in a few hours."

"Let's get them home." Elena stood up, ready to lift the two men from the floor into Caroline's car.

"Elena. No, you should be in the hospital." Caroline looked up at her confused.

"Why?"

"Don't you know?" Caroline furrowed her brow. "Jenna got hurt during the fight, they need your blood."

"What?" Her voice echoed through the chapel.

"I don't know what happened but you need to get to the hospital. Alaric was supposed to take you there." Caroline placed Coop's head on the ground and stood up besides her.

She looked at Damon's body on the ground. "I'm not going anywhere without him. Bad things happen when I leave him."

"Elena." Caroline shook her body. "It's Jenna." She looked down at the two men on the ground. "I'll take care of them, of him. I promise, nothing will happen and in an hour or two he'll be back in your arms but at this moment Jenna needs you more than Damon."

She looked from Caroline's face to Damon and back. "You'll call me if he wakes up, right?"

Caroline nodded her head positive. "Yes Elena. I'll take care of him."

She stepped backwards, her eyes still on Damon's motionless body on the ground, the tears in her eyes increasing with the thought of leaving him again.

Caroline searched Damon's pockets and threw his car keys in her hands. "GO!"

* * *

><p>"So tell me about your husband."<p>

The nurse sat down next to her and started inserting a needle in one of the veins in her arm. Jenna had lost a lot of blood. Testing her blood type would have taken too long so they started her on O negative but the doctors thought it would be better to give Jenna her own blood type. Alaric only knew that she had the same type as Elena but didn't know what it was. When she told them, that they both were AB negative the doctors insisted on taking her blood because the blood bank already ran low on their blood type. That's how she ended up in this room with the older nurse, still wearing her white wedding dress.

"We didn't get married." She smiled softly at the nurse and looked down at the phone, waiting for Caroline to call her.

The nurse applied a white plaster on the needle in her arm so it would stay put and looked up again. "So tell me about the man you were about to marry."

Elena looked at her phone again and thought back on the Stefan from six years ago. The one she had loved. "He's kind.. and faithful.. reliable..he's trustworthy."

The nurse looked disappointed. "Come on.." She raised her eyebrow in a critical way. "..tell me more about the man you love."

The woman looked at her like she knew there was a difference between the man she was about to marry and the man she loved. It was like she knew that she had ran away from the altar to start her life with another man.

Elena chuckled and a smile appeared on her face, her body relaxed and her head leaned against the back of the couch. "Do you think it's possible to miss someone before you even met them?"

"I think it is." The older woman nodded.

"It feels like I did. There was always an empty spot in my life, something that was missing. He came into town and that spot had been filled before I even realized it." She chuckled.

The nurse laughed too. "Tell me more."

She looked at the smile of the woman and her body felt so comfortable in her presence. This was the kind of woman you talked to when you needed to talk and she wanted to talk about this, to someone that wouldn't judge. To someone she would never see again after tonight.

So she relaxed in her seat and smiled at the nurse. "He drives me crazy, he does this thing with his eyes that makes you want to punch him. And he has this always present smirk on his face that seems to mock your every word. My family and friends hate him, but you can't really blame them because he acts like a total jerk around them." She shook her head again and laughed. "He's so stubborn and he speaks before he thinks. He's cocky, arrogant and he doesn't give a damn about what somebody else thinks about him. He doesn't pretend to be someone else and I like that a lot, because it makes him real."

The woman smiled at her and shook her head. "Does he have any good qualities?"

She chuckled and nodded her head. "He makes me laugh with the most silliest things. And he's always honest with me even if it will hurt my feelings. We fight about the most stupid things but he never leaves before we make it up. He doesn't trust anyone but he never doubts me. He doesn't tell me what to do but he just gives me advice and prevents me from doing anything too stupid. And even if I do something stupid, he doesn't get mad he just makes fun of me until I admit that it wasn't the smartest idea I ever had." She stopped rattling and sighed. "I hate the way he makes me feel. I never wanted to be that girl that spends every second with her boyfriend but I miss him after two seconds. And I'm always so worried about him because he always gets into trouble. If I had my way, I would keep him in my arms so nothing can happen to him. I love him so much that my life doesn't seem to make sense when he isn't there."

"He sounds like a bad boy." The nurse smiled at her.

She nodded her head and laughed. "He is."

The nurse smiled. "I fell for a bad boy once."

"What happened?" She looked at the older woman curious and waited anxiously for her reply.

"My family hated him and tried to keep us apart so we ran away together. We moved to a different state and never registered our address so they wouldn't be able to find us." The nurse shrugged.

"Do you regret it?"

The older woman looked up and locked their eyes. "Choosing him? No. Because we've been married for over 35 years and we have three beautiful children. Every night I come home to the person I love the most in the world and I am happier than I could every be. Sure, he's still an asshole and he still says things that hurt me but it's who he is and I wouldn't want him any other way because it made us stronger and it made us fight for each other. And of course I regret hurting my family but I knew what I wanted and I don't regret for a second that I chose this life. I have my own family now and I know why I've hurt mine and it was worth it."

"How did you know it was the right choice?"

"I didn't." The nurse shrugged again. "But I took the risk and it turned out to be the best thing I ever did. And everyday I ask myself why I put up with his bullshit but then I come home and he takes me in his arms and whispers those three little words in my ear and I know why I put up with it."

"Because you love him more than anything." Elena whispered, knowing that it was the reason why she put up with Damon. Why she forgave him all the times he had hurt her.

"Because you do." The nurse confirmed. "And you would kill anyone that threatens to take it away from you."

Elena nodded, knowing the feeling. Because she had killed people that threatened to take Damon away from her. And she had never regretted it even if he stayed away all those years. It had been worth it. Because she couldn't imagine living without him being alive somewhere.

She pressed a button on her phone and the screen lit up, showing the picture of her and Damon.

"Is that him?" The nurse pointed her chin to her phone.

Elena smiled."Yes." She showed the picture to the nurse and pulled the phone back, smiling. "Let me search you another one. You have to see his eyes."

The nurse laughed while she started searching in her phone for another picture. She felt like a high school girl all over again.

"This is him." Elena handed her the phone and had the pleasure to watch the nurse's mouth fall open. The picture showed a half naked Damon with damp hair, his ocean blue eyes boring into the camera.

The nurse swallowed. "That's a man you would kill for."

Elena sighed and muttered under her breath. "Tell me about it."

"Does he love you?" The nurse handed her back her phone.

Elena nodded her head. "I think he does. How do you know?"

"I knew because my husband could have had any girl he wanted but for some reason he chose me to come home to. At night he would crawl into my bed and leave all the other girls behind. But most of all, he wasn't afraid to put me in my place when it needed to be done."

Elena laughed. "Damon is the only person that tells me when I'm being a pain in the ass."

The woman laughed before her face became serious. "I think you should go for him. Dump the husband."

Elena's mouth fell open in shock. "You knew there was a difference?"

"You couldn't describe five qualities about the man you were going to marry but you could write a whole book with your speech on the man you loved. You're eyes lit up and your smile didn't disappear from your face. That, and I'm monitoring your heartbeat." The woman smiled and started to remove the plaster and needle.

Elena laughed again, feeling free for the first time in a while. "Just so you know, I dumped the husband at the wedding. I'm going home to the man I love."

"As it should." The nurse stood up and helped her out the couch. "You're free to go, your aunt will be fine."

Elena started walking towards the exit but turned around to the woman. "Do you think you will ever grow tired of him?"

The woman looked up and smiled. "No."

"Not even if you would spend forever with him?"

"No. That's why I didn't want a safe choice. Everyday is a new adventure, it's unpredictable and exciting. It keeps me on my toes." The nurse reminded her of her own words.

She turned around and stepped through the door.

"Elena." The nurse called her back.

She stepped back and faced the older woman.

"Don't try to change him. Accept him for who he is and he'll love you more than you could ever imagine. Because at the end of the day, he puts up with your bullshit too."

Elena nodded, her face serious. "Thank you."

* * *

><p>"Caroline? Damon?"<p>

"In here!" Caroline's voice came from upstairs.

She ran up the stairs, her feet moving faster than her legs could handle. At the same time she managed to get out of her dress and leave it somewhere on the railing, changing it for a tank top with a button up over it and jeans. She pushed the door open from Jeremy's old room and stared at the two bodies in the small bed.

"He's still not awake?" She moved to Damon's side and pressed her palm against his cheek.

"No. Not a kick." Caroline was stroking Cooper's face.

Elena studied them and wondered when they had become so close. She had been such a bad friend the last months, with all the drama in her life she hadn't payed attention to the life of her best friend.

She looked back at Damon's face. "Come on baby, just wake up."

"Elena, you really should get some sleep. When is the last time you slept through the night?" Caroline looked at her in concern and grabbed the blanket from the back of the bed, draping it around her body.

"Probably six years ago." She shrugged and examined Damon's body, noticing that he was very naked.

Caroline saw her furrow. "I had to make sure that there weren't any splinters left in his body. Don't worry, Coop is naked too."

"Don't worry?" She laughed."Damon is going to kill you when he finds out."

"I think he's already going to kill me for vervaining him." Caroline flinched.

"Don't worry. I'll talk to him." She looked back at Damon's face and smiled.

Cooper started stirring and Caroline moved to his side. "Coop? You okay?"

Cooper rolled over and bumped against Damon's naked body. "Really Caroline? I'm in bed with a naked vampire." He rolled his eyes and turned back on his side.

"Oh Coooop." Elena squealed. "In Richmond you couldn't stop gushing about how beautiful he was. I believe you even asked to switch places when he was naked on me."

"He better keeps his hands off me." Damon's voice cut through the squealing and shrieking from the two girls.

"Damon!" Her voice sounded relieved as her hands started caressing every inch of his beautiful face, stroking his hair backwards so she could lock her eyes with his.

"Hi there." He kissed her wrist and started to sit up straight.

She pushed him back against the pillows. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to get to you." He rolled his eyes like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Get in here." He pulled the sheets back, shuffling to the middle of the bed and making room for her.

She sighed and pulled off her shoes, throwing them in the corner of the room and dropping the blanket from her body. He held the covers up for her and she snuggled into his body. For the first time this evening really realizing he was here. He was here and he wasn't going anywhere.

Her body eased against his like it always did, the adrenaline leaving her body and the emotions taking over. His warm arms wrapped around her and her face drowned in his kisses, her tears were absorbed by his lips before they could reach her cheeks. His chest moved against her panting body, the material of her shirt rubbing between them.

"You have to many clothes on." His voice sounded so serious that she almost thought he was going to ask her to take her clothes off.

His fingers clawed on the material, ready to tear it apart. She looked at his face and saw an emotion she thought she would never see on him. His eyes shimmering with unshed tears, his lips trembling with need, his chest gasping for air, only one emotion on his face. Desperate.

"Take it off." He started fumbling with the buttons of her shirt. His hands trembling.

She grabbed his hands and held them against her heart. "Damon." She shook her head.

"Take it off." His voice sounded desperate, the shimmering in his eyes intenser with the amount of tears he was holding back. "Please." He bored his eyes into hers while a single tear escaped and rolled down his face. "Take it off."

She started unbuttoning her shirt and pressed her lips against his while he helped her take it off. She threw it on the ground and gave her fingers a home in his hair. He grabbed the hem of her tank top and pulled it up, exposing her flat stomach to the could air. They separated for a second while he pulled it over her head, she looked at him and found her way back to his lips, their tears meeting in the middle.

Because she understood why he needed her to take off her clothes, why he had been desperate to get them off. He couldn't have anything between them, not anymore, not after so many years of being separated. His skin needed to touch hers to know that it was back home again, that it would never have to leave its home again. The frozen heart in his chest needed to know that its beating heart was right on the other side of his skin, that it was beating to keep him alive, that it was beating towards the frozen heart to keep them both alive. His soul needed to know that its other half was right on the other side of his chest, that it was pushing against her chest to collide with it. Their bodies needed to know that nothing would separate them ever again, that they would never allow anyone or anything to come between them again. That every nerve and every vein in their body could be used in the other one's body because they were one. They were a whole, they were entirely , they were complete.

They were Damon and Elena, they were epic, they were undeniable. They had been taken from each other and found their way back. Who could have ever denied them? Who could have ever had the nerve to separate a unit so beautiful, so perfect, so powerful? Who had not been smart enough to see that they didn't function without each other? That their lives didn't made sense without each other? That he was the reason she had been born and that she was the reason he had kept on living? Who could have ever separated them when they knew that their existence was intertwined with one another? Who could have been ever stupid enough to think that they would never find each other? Everyone knows that every lost soul finds his way back.

She never belonged to anyone else and he had never belonged to anyone else because they belonged to each other. She had never loved anyone else, she had never found a home in someone's body, a treasure in someone's soul, a life in someone's heart. They had been two lost individuals that had found their way in their entity. They had fought, they had sacrificed, they had killed, they had hurt and they had broken but now, they had found. And they were never going to lose again.

She knew why he couldn't have anything between them, because he was her and she was him, there was nothing that was strong enough to stand between them.

"I love you." Her palms held his face, the reason of her existence, the center of her being.

"I love you too." His face leaned against hers, connecting their nerves with each other, pushing her love into him, radiating his love to her.

He rolled off her and pulled the sheets up so she would be covered from the people around them, their audience that hadn't dared to interrupt when his lips had been traveling over her whole body while her hands had been searching every muscle in his. The audience that hadn't had the courage to separate a reunion so powerful, so life changing, so beautiful and so intense.

"Damon! It's time for that reunion." Alaric entered the room, holding up a bottle of scotch and carrying two glasses.

"Hey buddy." Damon's husky voice made her body shiver, goosebumps appearing on her bare arms and chest.

"I've kept this bottle for six years." Alaric opened the scotch and poured two glasses out, handing one to Damon over her head.

Six years. She should remember something. Bottle. Scotch. Six years. Celebrate. Not coming. Tomorrow. He left. Angry. Vervain.

"You don't want to drink that." She pulled the glass away from Damon when he was about to down it.

He raised his eyebrow before understanding washed over him. "Elena. No." He started pouting. "Do you know how much this stuff costs?"

She cupped his face in her hands and pressed a kiss on his mouth. "I was really mad at you." She gave him her best puppy dog eyes.

Cooper took the glass from her and downed it in one gulp. "I don't see what's wrong with it."

"Because you aren't a vampire." Alaric pointed his glass at Elena. "She vervained every bottle she could find in Mystic Falls. There was even vervain in the liquor at the grill."

"I was very thorough." She buried her face in Damon's chest who chuckled.

"Dude, can you please stop rubbing your naked ass against mine?" Cooper turned around and looked at Damon.

"Oh no." Caroline buried her head in her hands. "He called him dude." She shook her head in her hands.

Damon loosened his grip on her body and turned his head over his shoulder. "Really?" His eyebrow arched "You bitchy witch are calling me dude?"

"Bitchy witch?" Cooper gasped. "I saved your ass today. Has it even crossed your mind to say thank you?"

"Saved my ass?" Damon raised his voice. "I got vervained! Again!" He threw his hands in the air. "Why is everyone vervaining me these days?" He pointed his gaze at Caroline.

Caroline just looked away from his stare and focused on her nails.

"I'm surprised you're even here after the dose she gave you. You should still be flat on your back." Cooper's voice sounded admiring, surprised and harsh at the same time.

"You get used to it." He shrugged, paused and looked back at Cooper. "You were there when she vervained me?" He didn't give Coop time to answer. "Now you're really death."

"Help!" Cooper's voice echoed through the room as Damon jumped on top of him and wrapped his hands around his throat.

"Really Coop?" Caroline sounded offended as she pulled on Damon's arm. "You're one of the most powerful witches out there and you can't take him down?"

Damon tightened his grip, the muscles in his arm stretching. "Yes, take me down. Make sure you don't faint this time."

"Oh.." Caroline sighed. "This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

"Vampire Barbie is quoting Casablanca, how more cliche can it get?" Damon removed his hands from Cooper's throat and rolled off him. "I need a drink." He moved to get out the bed.

"You're naked!" Caroline shrieked and pushed Damon back against the mattress.

"So is the guy next to me!" Damon yelled and threw his hands up again.

"Elena!" Caroline's voice pulled her eyes back from where they were. "Did you really just peek under the sheets?"

"I..." She stammered and started to blush when she saw Damon smirking."I wanted to see how naked they really were."

"Do you want me to show you again?" Damon rolled on top of her and did his famous eye-thing.

"Baby.." She trailed her finger down his chest. "I've seen you more naked than with your clothes on."

He chuckled. "That's because you rip them off every chance you get."

"Yeah." She kissed his nose. "But this time I'm going to do the community a favor and get your pants out of the dryer."

She pushed him off her and pulled her tank top back on. Leaving a pouting vampire behind in the bed.

"Fuck this. They're both guys and it's not like Caroline hasn't seen it before." She heard Damon growl when she walked out the room.

"I'll be right back." She called over her shoulder and walked towards the stairs.

She wasn't even halfway down the stairs when she heard three voices scream. "DAMON!"

She chuckled and shook her head. He never was the patient type.

"I'm glad to finally see you smile again, miss Elena."

She gasped and put her hand above her heart. "Elijah. You scared me."

Elijah laughed. "I apologize. I should like to speak to you in private." He bend his arm for her.

At first she hesitated but curiosity got the best of her. "Okay.." She linked her arm with Elijah's and let him lead her outside.

When they stepped down from the porch she pulled back after seeing Bonnie and Stefan waiting for them on the sidewalk.

Elijah put his arm around her waist and pulled her back. "Don't fear. They will not be able to hurt you. Little Bonnie lost her powers and little Stefan would never be brave enough to fight me on his own." He smiled and gestured for her to step forward.

"Why are they here?" She looked at Elijah but kept moving forward.

"Because I have a wedding gift for you." Elijah lead her to the place where Stefan and Bonnie were waiting but kept a safe distance between the two teams.

"The reason why I brought them with me.." Elijah started. "Is because I want to give you something. Don't judge before I've explained it but maybe you want to pass that gift on to Stefan."

She crossed her arms and looked up confused at Elijah. "I'll keep that in mind."

Elijah smiled softly and retrieved a small bottle with a lucent liquid in it from his pocket. "This.." He held the small bottle up. "Is my wedding gift to you, Elena."

Elena studied the liquid and shrugged. "Thank you, Elijah. But what is it?" She laughed.

"It's a potion. Cooper made it yesterday. It has very rare ingredients, one of which is a flower that only blossoms every five hundred years and in two hours that flower will have lost its powers and the potion will be useless. So you my dear Elena, have a decision to make." He pointed the small bottle in her direction.

"What does it do?" She arched her brow and took a closer look.

"It makes a vampire human again." Elijah watched her mouth fall open and moved on. "After drinking this potion it will be impossible to ever become a vampire again. So choose wisely."

Elena nodded. "So I have to choose between a human life with Damon, the children and the white picket fence I always wanted or spend forever with him?"

"That's right." Elijah nodded. "I brought Stefan here with me because maybe you didn't want to use it and would be kind enough to pass it on. Or maybe your lovely blond vampire friend would like to become human again."

"I don't know.." She shook her head and looked at Elijah. "What would you do?"

"It's not my choice to make, Elena."

"But if I asked you your opinion, what would you say?" Elena looked at him desperately.

"Do you want me to answer that question as a human or as a vampire?" Elijah arched his brow.

"Both."

"As a vampire I would say that it would be a great loss to our kind if Damon became human, because he's one hell of a vampire." Elijah chuckled. "As a human, I tell you that you would be a fool not to jump at this opportunity and start the family you always wanted." Elijah shook his head and laughed. "And it would be nice to know that I wouldn't have to put up with Damon for the rest of eternity, because I really can't stand the guy."

"I don't know what to say.. or the choose." Elena shook her head.

Elijah nodded. "I'll come back with this.." He held the small bottle up again. ".. in an hour and we will see what you choose."

Elena nodded her head and started walking towards the porch again when she felt someone grab her arm and pull her back.

"I knew." Bonnie turned her around and looked up at her. "When you asked me in the church if I knew that you loved him. I knew." She shook her head. "I saw the way you looked at him, how your face would light up whenever he came into the room. I catched the secret glances between the two of you. I saw how you always moved with him, he would go right, you would go right." The former witch smiled at her. "I think you never noticed but whenever Stefan and Damon were in danger you would move to Damon's side, like you were ready to throw yourself in front of him. So if you ask me if I knew, I did."

"And still you took him away from me." She pulled her arm out of Bonnie's grasp.

"Don't act like you didn't take anything from me. You took Jeremy, you took Lucy. Because he changed you. The Elena I knew would have never pushed someone in their own death." Bonnie's eyes started to tear up.

"The Elena you knew disappeared because you forced her to." She spit in Bonnie's face. "She became a dangerous, selfish, murderous creature because you were about to take away everything she loved. You forced me into changing because you couldn't let me make my own decisions."

"But I never killed anyone." Bonnie yelled and clenched her fists next to her sides.

"But you were about to." Elena yelled back in her face. "You were about to kill him. Wouldn't you have prevented Jeremy's death if you had known he was going to die?" She looked at Bonnie and shook her head. "You were about to take the one thing I tried so desperately to protect. He was the one thing I never wanted to give up, the one thing I would kill for. And out of all the options, you chose him." She wiped away the tear that escaped her eye and pointed a finger at Bonnie. "You made me kill, you made me a murderer."

"No.." Bonnie started sobbing.

"Yes." She nodded her head. "Do you know how Jeremy got killed? Because someone told him that Damon used me and abused me. Otherwise he would have given me a speech about being careful but someone had filled up his mind with this nonsense and he tried to attack Damon. He died because someone told him the wrong things. I wonder who that was."

"Oh God." Bonnie crashed down on the sidewalk, burying her head in her hands.

"Stop blaming other people and take responsibility for your own actions because you are as much a murderer as I am." She turned around and walked back to the porch.

Damon was leaning against the door frame, his chest still bare but apparently he had found his pants by himself.

"I see you finally have some clothes on." She pointed to the black jeans that was hanging on his hips.

He shrugged. "They threatened me with vervain darts. I've had enough of those for a while."

She chuckled and extended her arm. "Come here for a second."

He pushed himself off the frame and grabbed her hand, walking himself in her embrace.

Her lips found his for a moment and she melted into his body, his warm chest heating her cold arms. But she pulled away from him, remembering why she had let him come out here in the first place.

"Turn around." She grabbed his shoulders, ignoring the curious look he send her and turned him around so his back was facing her.

She placed a kiss on the back of his neck and walked around him through the door.

"What are we doing?" He laughed but kept his place on the porch.

She turned around and stood next to the couch, a few feet away from the door where she could see him standing on the porch.

"Walk through the door."

She needed to see him do it once. The memories of the closed door needed to be pushed out her mind. She had to have a memory with him walking through that door and sweeping her up in his arms.

He smiled when he understood what she was doing. The smile grew wider when he took a step forward, exaggerating the movement. He stepped over the threshold and used vampire speed to get to her. Taking her in his arms and spinning her around the room.

She was still laughing when he put her back down and slipped his arms around her back, pulling her flush against him.

"I need to tell you something." She lifted her head up from the place on his chest and locked her eyes with his.

"I know you do." He smiled and kissed her forehead.

"You heard?" She started caressing his face.

He nodded his head.

"What are we going to do?" She put her chin on his chest, pressing kisses against it while waiting for his answer.

"Like Elijah said. It's your choice." He shrugged and pulled one hand away from her back, to stroke her hair.

"But what if I make the wrong choice?" She looked up again and saw him smile at her.

"The last time I made you choose, you made the right choice." He waggled his eyebrows.

"How can you be so calm about this?" She was getting frustrated. "It's your life too. This is our life, I don't want to do this alone."

"You'll choose right." His face became serious as he cupped her face in his hands.

She recognized that look. It was his I-know-it-and-you-don't-look. "You already know what I'm going to choose, don't you?"

He chuckled. "Yep."

"How can you know when I don't even know it?" She slapped his chest with her hand.

He just shrugged again and she slapped him again, a little harder this time.

"I know you like being a vampire but on the other hand I know that you want to grow old and have kids." She growled. "Elijah is going to be here in an hour. I need to know what you want."

"I want the same things as you." He kissed her forehead again.

"But what do I want?" She looked up at him, expecting him to answer her question.

He looked at the clock on the wall and pressed her head against his chest, letting his chin rest on her crown.

"You have forty minutes left to figure that out."


	17. Epilogue

**Long lost & gone**

Chapter 1_7_

_Epilogue_

"Look who's finally awake."

She stroked the black hair that covered her breast and laughed when the ocean blue eyes started to flutter. A smile appeared on his beautiful face with the sound of her voice and she couldn't help but to pull him closer with the arm that was draped around his shoulder.

Even if she, they had woken up like this in the past five years, she still had trouble believing that he was really here. That she could touch him, hold him, kiss him, love him. Every day she was waiting for the universe to tell her that she had used up her share of happiness and that they were taking it away from her. That she needed to let him go because people weren't allowed to be this happy, to feel like this every second of the day. And she would understand. Because it shouldn't be allowed to feel this way, they should forbid it. People would do dangerous things to feel this way, to be this happy.

Ocean blue eyes looked up at her and the smile on his face grew wider while he pushed himself up and hovered above her.

"I'll show you how awake I am." His husky voice sent shivers down her spine.

His skillful lips closed around hers and together they started moving in an all too familiar synchronized pace. His hands stroked their way up to her hair and started to untangle the knots in it while her palms traced the contours of his muscled back and her legs wrapped around his waist.

"I can feel how awake you are." She chuckled and moved her thigh so his hardness pressed deeper into her flesh.

"It's all your fault. You shouldn't be this damn sexy." He started nibbling on her bottom lip and drove his hips into her.

She growled and grabbed his hair. "You're the one that's insatiable."

She didn't say that she was as much insatiable as he was. That she wanted him as much as he wanted her. That she wanted him every second of the day, needed him every second to realize that he was really here.

"We're still making up for those six years." He waggled his eyebrows and started pecking her jawline.

A moan escaped her lips when he started licking that sensitive spot behind her ear, his tongue letting goosebumps appear on her arms.

"So in a year we can quit making up?" She stammered and pulled him closer against her neck.

"No." He shook his head against her neck and laughed. "Then we'll have to make up for this past five years."

"Let me guess." She laughed. "After those five years we'll have to make up for those five years and it goes on and on and on."

He pushed himself up on his arms, a smile on his face and trailed his nose over her cheek. "I love it when we're thinking the same."

She laughed and cupped his face in her hands, looking into the ocean blue eyes. Still not believing that she ever tried to resist him, fight him, fight them. It was unfair to people who didn't get to experience this. Who didn't find that one person in the world that was made for them and could take over their whole life. She couldn't believe that there had actually been people that had ever felt this way because she had never seen it. She had never seen someone love a person with just the look of their eyes, she had never seen someone's soul intertwined with another one through their voice, she had never seen a person carrying her heart on the outside so her love could keep them both alive.

"Didn't I tell you last night to pull on some underwear?" She arched her eyebrow and smirked.

"Why would I wear boxers if I know they're going to come off in a few seconds?" He smirked and pushed his lips back against hers.

She didn't bother to protest and kissed him back. Her whole body arching against his to feel more skin against hers.

Little footsteps pattered on the wooden floor of the corridor and came towards the closed door of their bedroom.

She pulled away from his lips and smiled. "That's exactly why you need to wear boxers."

He growled and buried his face in the crook of her neck. "Do they ever sleep past nine?"

"Put something on." She patted his bare buttock and pushed him off her to grab her robe next to the bed.

Damon plopped down next to her and pulled his boxers on before turning on his stomach and snuggling his nose in the pillow.

The handle of the door went down, making a crackling sound. The heavy wooden door went open and a little girl who was wearing a pink robe raced inside and jumped on the bed.

"Can we swim in the lake today?" The little girl started bouncing up and down on the bed.

"I don't know sweetie, maybe if the water isn't too cold." Elena pinched the girl's cheek and stroked the brown curls out of her small face.

"But I want to play in the water." The little girl crossed her arms and started pouting.

"We have to make sure you don't get sick." Elena took the little girl in her arms and hugged her.

Another pair of light footsteps sauntered into their room and stood still in front of the bed.

Damon turned his head around and looked at the four-year old boy in his blue pajamas. "Did this little hyper thing wake you up again?" He pointed his chin to the girl on the bed.

The little boy nodded while rubbing his eyes and clutching the teddy bear in his right arm tighter to his chest.

"Come in here." Damon picked him up from next to the bed and lay him down next to him against the mattress, shuffling himself to the side so the boy could share the pillow with him.

"They're always so grumpy in the morning." The girl looked up at Elena and pointed to Damon and the little boy.

Damon sighed and patted the boy's small back. "I always liked you better. You're so quiet."

The girl's mouth fell open and she crossed her arms again, staring daggers at Damon. "That's not nice." her voice sounded offended.

Damon laughed and tousled her hair. "I'm not a nice person." He growled. "I'm a mean vampire that eats little girls like you." He started tickling the girl's sides.

The girl's laughter filled the room as she tried to pull away from Damon's ticklish hands.

"Too much noise." The boy next to Damon buried his face in the pillow and covered his ears with his little hands.

The little girl took heavy breaths when Damon stopped tickling and crawled on his back, punching her tiny fist against his skin. "Silly uncle Damon, daddy told us that vampires don't exist."

Damon laughed and looked at Elena. "Alaric has been lying to his kids again."

Elena gave him a warning look and got up. "Miranda, why don't we go make breakfast and let uncle Damon and Braydey sleep some more?"

"Okay." The girl nodded her head and jumped off Damon's back onto the wooden floor. "Are they going to eat breakfast?" She looked back at the two grumpy boys in the bed.

"Yes." Braydey nodded his head in the pillow. "Five minutes."

Elena laughed and leaned over Damon's body to kiss the little boy on the head. "That's what your uncle always says when he gets up two hours later."

The uncle grumbled and smirked. "I'll be up in ten."

She pecked his cheek. "Whatever you say."

He turned around and grabbed the collar of her robe to pull her closer. "I mean it." He pushed his lips against hers.

She pulled back and whispered against his mouth. "Of course you do, baby."

After pulling on her yellow summer dress, she brushed her hair and made a ponytail.

"Make sure my coffee is ready!" Damon's voice yelled behind her when she opened the door and stepped through it with the bouncing Miranda.

* * *

><p>"Good morning Cooper."<p>

"Good morning ladies." Cooper turned around with a pan in his hands. "I made pancakes." A proud grin spread across his face.

"Pancakes!" Miranda clapped her hands with a huge smile on her face.

Elena grabbed three plates and Cooper filled each of them with a pancake. She put one down in front of Miranda and one on her other side for Cooper before she took her own place on the table.

Miranda started cutting her pancake into pieces and took a bite before spitting it back out again. "I'm going to wait until uncle Damon gets up."

"Really?" Cooper's mouth fell open. "You don't like my pancakes?" He sounded offended.

The girl shook her head. "Sorry uncle Coop."

Coop growled. "Damon spoils them too much." He looked at her a moment too soon and arched his eyebrow. "Did you really just spit that piece of pancake in your napkin?"

She smiled at him guilty and got up to make Damon's coffee.

"Okay." Cooper sighed and looked at Miranda. "Why don't you go wake up your aunt Caroline and your mom and dad. I need to talk to your aunt Elena anyway."

Miranda got up and disappeared upstairs, leaving her full plate of pancakes behind.

Cooper walked towards her and took the cup out of her hands.

"Coop - " She tried to warn him but it was too late.

Cooper spit out the red liquid and started rinsing his mouth under the tap.

"You have been living with a vampire for the past five years and you can't tell blood apart from coffee?" She arched her eyebrow and started cleaning up.

Cooper and Caroline had started officially dating the week after she got Damon back. Elena hadn't even noticed that Caroline had broken up with Tyler weeks before the incident in the church but apparently she had and not long after she and Cooper had started dating, they moved in together. Three years ago they had gotten married and moved to New York, they bought a loft a few blocks away from where she and Damon had been living for the past five years.

"I'm not warming up blood for her!" He got up and took some orange juice from the fridge to get the taste out of his mouth.

"Damon prefers it that way." She shrugged and took a sip from her own cup of coffee.

"And it doesn't freak you out?" He threw his hands in the air.

She rolled her eyes and put the mug down on the counter. "Cooper, what did you want to talk to me about?"

"You know I'm not good with the whole beating around the bush thing, right?" Cooper saw her smile and started tracing patterns on the counter. "I might have found a way for vampires to have children."

He heard her breath hitch, her eyes staring blankly into the empty kitchen. Everything she had ever dreamed about. Everything she had ever wanted before she fell in love with a vampire. Everything she thought she could never have when she surrendered to her feelings for that vampire. The whole future she gave up when she kept him a vampire five years ago, because she couldn't imagine having only one life with him. Because she wanted forever with him, forever to love him, to hold him, to treasure him.

"Elena?" Cooper's voice made her look up again. "Are you okay? I know it's something you always wanted so I thought I should give you and Damon the chance to have it."

She nodded her head and took a deep breath. Thinking back to the day she got Damon back. A day she would forever carry in her heart but ban from her mind. The day her life had started again, her heart had been healed, her soul had been cured, her existence had gotten meaning again. The same day she had promised to never ask for anything more than what they had given her back. To never want more than him, no new shiny things, no house with a white picket fence, no fancy car on the driveway. One of the reasons why she had kept him a vampire, because she didn't want anything else from him, she wanted him, to be loved by him, the fact that he was human or vampire didn't matter. She didn't try to change him and he loved her all the more for it.

"No." She shook her head and looked up at Cooper. "I don't want it."

"What?" Cooper shook his head in confusion. "But it's what you always wanted."

"Maybe I once wanted it." She nodded her head. "But do you remember at the wedding when I told you If I got him back I wouldn't ask for anything more. I would be happy because I had all I wanted." She grabbed his hands in hers and locked their eyes. "There is a reason why I never bought a new cellphone, new handbags or expensive clothes. Damon had to buy that new Audi behind my back because he knew I would never allow it. He drags me to Victoria's secret because he knows otherwise I would still be wearing the same underwear as five years ago. He knows I don't want new things but I never told him why because he would think it's silly. But I made a promise that day and whoever decided to give him back to me can keep it against me."

"It's crazy, you know?" Cooper looked up at her and squeezed her hands with his. "How you love him."

"I know." She nodded her head and smiled. "But I'm not going to risk losing him because I want something more, I don't. He was enough eleven years ago and he's still enough now. He'll still be enough for me in a thousand years."

"Caroline and I think about using it." He started fumbling with the hem of his shirt.

"And we'll be there to babysit." She smiled and rubbed his arm. "Just like we do with Miranda and Braydey."

"So I found my daughter." Jenna walked in the kitchen with her robe tightly bound around her waist. "Do I have to ask where my son is?"

"Damon." Elena and Cooper shrugged at the same time.

"Of course." Jenna sighed. "God forbids that those two are separated for longer than two minutes."

"Good morning." Alaric stepped inside the kitchen and pulled the refrigerator open. "Where are the kids?" He looked around before seeing Jenna's face. "Oh wait, I know the answer to this one. Damon."

"You know." He patted his wife shoulder. "It's not that bad, if Damon and Elena are here they don't wake up us in the morning and we have time for ourselves." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Don't act like you're getting laid." Damon came down the stairs with Braydey on his back. "I walked in the bathroom yesterday. Seeing Jenna's legs you haven't had sex in three months."

"Daddy." Miranda came bouncing in the room with Caroline behind her. "Uncle Damon still thinks he's a vampire."

"Speaking about that." Damon pointed his finger at Alaric. "We don't lie to our children, that's not the way we want to raise them."

"They're not your kids, Damon." Jenna rolled her eyes.

"But they like me better than you." He shrugged.

"So if Damon is a vampire what does that make me?" Cooper crouched in front of Miranda.

"A bitchy witch." Braydey yelled from Damon's back.

"Jenna, you need to keep the kids away from Damon." Cooper looked up offended. "He's a bad influence."

"Don't blame me." She pointed her chin to Alaric. "I was all for you being Braydey's godfather but he had to ask Damon."

"I love this kid." Damon patted Braydey's arm. "Can I keep him?"

"Oh no." Elena jumped off the counter and pointed her finger at him. "Do you remember what happened to the goldfish?"

"It was your turn to feed him." He threw his arms up. "Don't blame me."

"You needed to have that goldfish after you watched Nemo with them." She pointed her hand to Miranda and Braydey. "That wasn't my fish."

"Baby, everything I own is yours too." He smiled at her. "That means the fish too."

"You killed Nemo." Braydey pointed his finger at Elena.

"Buddy." Damon squeezed Braydey's arm. "That was my line."

"Sorry." The little boy muttered and buried his head back against Damon's shoulder.

"See, this is exactly what I mean." Cooper sat down on one of the kitchen chairs. "They even think the same things."

"Speaking about my thoughts." Damon rolled his eyes and looked at Alaric. "Your kids are seriously screwing with my morning sex."

"At least they are screwing something." Jenna smirked and turned around to the coffee machine.

"And don't act like you didn't get any last night." Caroline gave him and Elena a look. "Vampire hearing." She tapped her ear and chuckled when Elena's face went red.

"Do you remember the first months after he got back?" Jenna turned to Caroline. "We couldn't call Elena without hearing Damon's moans on the background."

"And then you sent Alaric in their room with vervain darts." Caroline squealed. "I've never seen Damon run so fast."

"I was naked." Damon yelled.

"So was Elena." Caroline turned to Elena who tried to hide her red face. "The poor thing had to hide her naked butt."

"I'm still sorry about that, Elena." Alaric held his hands up apologetically. "Jenna wanted the guestroom back."

"It's okay." Elena waved him off. "I understand."

"It's not like you noticed we were there." Damon lifted his shoulders. "We never came out that room."

"It was not that you were staying there." Jenna shook her head. "But I was three months pregnant, horny as hell. And the moans and growls that came from your room didn't make it easier."

"If you shaved your legs, you wouldn't be so horny." Damon smirked.

"I don't know how you can stand him." Caroline sighed and looked at Elena. "We've been here less than twelve hours and I already want to stake him."

"You would be dead before you could try." Damon rolled his eyes.

"And you would be dead before you could think about killing my wife." Cooper went into protective mode.

"Safe the tough witchy act." Damon shook his head. "We both know you can't do more than change a prince in a frog."

"Elena." Caroline whined. "Please do something about him."

Elena shook her head in amusement and stepped around the table to Damon. "You just have to focus on the body and ignore anything he says." She wrapped her arms around Damon's waist and pulled his head down, letting her lips move over his.

"I love you." He whispered.

"And acknowledge it when he says something really smart." She smiled against his lips and kissed him again. "I love you too."

"Uncle Damon." Miranda tugged on his black jeans with a pout on her face. "Can you make pancakes? Uncle Coop messed it up."

"Of course." He pulled his lips away from Elena's and took the girl's hand in his. "See, uncle Coop isn't a real witch. A real witch would use magic and make you descent pancakes."

"I'm going to kill him."

* * *

><p>"Are you okay, Coop?"<p>

"I'm fine." Coop pulled away from Jenna who tried to clean the scars on his face. "I just don't understand how he can be that fast."

"He's...a vampire." Elena bit her lip. "They're pretty fast."

"But did he really have to let me fall in the cabinet with the glasses?" Cooper flinched away from the washing cloth that Jenna placed against the wound.

"You attacked him." Elena shrugged. "He just flew out of the way."

"You have to stop being jealous." Jenna sighed. "This has been going on for the past five years. I know you don't want to give up your spot from bad boy but you don't stand a chance against Damon."

Jenna ignored Cooper's grumble and sat down next to Elena. They watched Caroline and Miranda collecting shells on the sand. A little further Alaric and Damon were playing with Braydey. They both laughed as Damon and Bradey tackled Alaric.

"It makes sense, you know?" Jenna focused her gaze on Elena. "Damon."

Elena smiled at her and looked back at Damon, feeling her heart skip a beat just by the sight of him.

"Stefan was always on the sideline, never really a part of the family." Jenna nodded her head and looked at Damon who was playing with her son. "But Damon just blew in and took his spot, he became the center of our family."

"Damon was never good at standing on the sideline." Elena grabbed Jenna's hand and squeezed it.

"I guess Damon and I will never be best friends but my kids love him." She squeezed her hand back. "They worship the ground he walks on, especially Braydey."

"Braydey told him about summer camp." Elena smiled. "He's not going to let you sent those children to a camp for a month."

"They can't always stay with you guys." Jenna shook her head. "They practically live with the two of you."

"Why can't the kids stay with me and Caroline while you and Alaric go on that cruise?" Cooper looked up at Jenna and shrugged. "We can take them."

"We've tried that once before." Jenna laughed. "You had to call Damon in the middle of the night to pick them up."

"I could have expected that from Braydey." Coop's brow frowned together. "But Miranda was a disappointment."

"Why?" Jenna shook with laughter. "Because she rather went with Damon than to stay with you?"

"Yes." Cooper nodded his head fiercely. "She was fine and the moment Damon walked in she was all pouty and depressed." Cooper started mimicking Miranda. "I'm going with uncle Damon." Coop growled. "Traitor."

"I didn't like it either at first." Jenna smiled sadly. "But then I thought about it, they will always have someone there to look over them. Me and Alaric we're human, we can die any second but Damon will always be there for them." She looked at Elena and smiled. "And Caroline and you."

"I know it's difficult for you." She scanned Jenna's face. "But I want to be with him and not just for a few decades."

"I know." Jenna nodded her head. "I get it now, you want to be with him forever. And you should be, they kept you long enough from him."

"Mommy." A sobbing Miranda ran in their direction.

"I'm sorry, Jenna." Caroline ran after her. "I turned around for a second and she fell off that stupid rock, I told her not to climb on it."

"It's okay, Caroline." Jenna looked at Miranda's scratched knee. "It's just a scratch, lets get her cleaned up."

"Are you sure you want her as the mother of your children?" Elena laughed and looked at Cooper after Jenna and Caroline went upstairs to clean Miranda up.

"Crazy, isn't it?" Cooper laughed. "She's what? Seventeen?" He shook his head. "I'm a pedophile."

"Then what is Damon?" Elena arched her eyebrow. "He's almost two centuries older than me."

"It's not Damon." Cooper pointed his finger at her. "You're a cougar."

"Only if you look at it technically." She rolled her eyes. "I'm twenty-nine, Damon was twenty-eight when he was turned."

"Which makes you a cougar." Cooper nodded.

She shook her head in amusement and looked back at Damon who was still rolling in the sand with Braydey and Alaric.

Cooper followed her gaze. "Jenna is right." He looked back at her. "He just fits in."

"Wow." She pretended to be shocked. "You better hope I'm not telling Damon this, you'll hear it for the rest of your life."

"It would make him even more of an asshole." Cooper rolled his eyes.

"I know you secretly love him." Elena smiled.

"Don't tell him." Coop stage whispered. "I think most of the time I was jealous of him. There might be a time when I thought you and I.." He trailed off. "But that was before I saw you with him."

"So you gave up on me at the wedding?" She shook her head in amusement. "That's so romantic and cliche."

"No." Cooper shook his head and smiled. "It was in Richmond when he saved us. He killed those men and picked you up from the ground." Coop stared at the lake. "And for a second you just opened your eyes, looked at him and you whispered I love you." Coop smiled. "You knew it was him, he didn't have to say anything. That's when I realized it, there would never be anyone else for you."

"I don't remember that." She bit her lip.

"I know." Coop smiled. "In the hospital he placed you down on the bed and you wouldn't let go of him, he whispered something in your ear and you smiled and let them take care of you." Cooper looked up at her. "I think he promised you, he would come back for you. That's why I stumbled in your room that night, to see if he came back."

"Those women at work who work overtime because they don't want to go home to their husbands, I just want to punch them in their faces." She shook her head. "I spend six year fighting to be able to go home to him and they just stay at work."

"I think there aren't many people that feel the way you and Damon do." Cooper shrugged. "Not even me and Caroline or Ric and Jenna." He bit his lip and thought about something. "When one of us dies, the other lives on but with you and Damon.." He shook his head. ".. that's why I helped you save him. Because I knew if he died, we would lose you too."

"I'm not going to let anyone take him away from me." She snorted and shook her head. "Not anymore, those days are over. He's here and that's exactly where I'm going to keep him."

"You're going to turn soon, aren't you?" Cooper locked their eyes. "He finally gave in."

She looked down and nodded her head. "I had the flue a few weeks ago, it scared the hell out of him."

"When?" Cooper's voice pitched

"In a month." She nodded. "That's why we want to take the kids with us, I'll probably not see them for some time until I can control the blood."

Cooper nodded too. "I assume you won't stay in New York."

"No." She shook her head. "We're moving to Italy, we bought a farm and he's going to learn me how to control it. We're going to lock ourselves away for a while, spend some quality time."

"Don't give me any details, I know Damon's definition of quality time." He rolled his eyes.

"Apparently young vampires are twice as horny as normal vampires." She teased.

"No No." Cooper covered his ears. "I don't want to hear this."

* * *

><p>"You heard horny and had to get me in bed, didn't you?" She giggled as pulled the summer dress over her head.<p>

"We both know you find me irresistible." He pushed his lips against her skin.

"I surrendered a long time ago."

_"_I surrender." __

__He let the shirt he was folding fall on the bed, his eyes looking up at her, scanning her face. Both their breaths held back, their bodies waiting to be reunited again, their souls ready to intertwine. __

_"_You surrender to what, Elena?" He devoured her name, like he always did. But this time it sounded different because she had heard him do it in completely different circumstances. Their bodies panting and moving together, their skins covered with sweat, his breath against her face, her hips arching to meet his thrusts. Her voice screaming his name. __

_"_To this thing between us." She whispered. __

_"_And what is this thing between us?" He straightened his shoulders, his whole face mocking her. "I thought that was never supposed to happen again?" __

_"_It's never supposed to happen again." She shook her head. "It was wrong." __

_"_Then why are you here?" He crossed his arms over his bare chest. __

_"_Because I want to feel that again." She looked up at him, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears, her heart beating in her chest and begging him to let her in his. Her soul fighting against her stubbornness and begging her to let it collide. All nerves in her body screaming for his touch, to feel alive, to breath again, to come home. __

_"_Feel what?" He approached her, his steps slow like a predator hunting its prey. __

_"_Alive." She placed her hands on his bare chest when he stepped into her personal space, his skin burning under her touch, her hands tingling in anticipation, her whole body registering his presence as the place it never wants to leave again. __

_"_Then take it." He placed his hands on each of her shoulders. "You want to escape? You want to live again?" He let his nose trail over her cheek, his skin leaving tingles behind everywhere they touched. "Take it." __

__She looked up, her eyes finding the ocean blue ones that a week ago had hovered above her, held her whole world and ruined her for the rest of her life. Because she had tasted him, she had gotten a piece of him, he had loved her like every woman dreamed to be loved, he had made her his and let her scream his name, knowing that she would never scream another one again. __

_"_Stop being scared." He let his hands move over her sides, making her whole body scream for him. "Stop fighting me." __

_"_No." She shook her head, keeping her heart from his, keeping her soul away from him, fighting every nerve in her body. She was someone else's, she belonged to the good brother, the one that was always there for her, the one she would never have to fear. And here she was, standing in front of someone that killed without blinking, a vampire that reveled in his nature, a monster that had teared his way in her heart. Here she was, her heart in his hand and her soul waiting for him to crush it. "I'll never stop fighting you."__

_"_Don't pretend to be strong, little girl." He stroked her hair back behind her ear. "You've felt me, you know how it feels to have me inside you, there is no way back. You're mine now." __

_"_And are you mine?" She bored her eyes into his, her hands still pushing him away, her heart shutting him out, her soul backing away from his. __

_"_I've always been yours." He sounded broken, exhausted, tired from fighting, tired from chasing someone that had put all her energy in fighting against him, running from him, keeping every feeling she ever had for him behind closed doors. "I've never been anyone else's."__

__And that's the moment she let him in, her heart opening the gates to her core, her soul releasing itself out of her chest and her body giving in to his call. Her lips finding their owner, her body intertwining itself with its possessor. Her heart letting him in and closing the gates behind him. __

"You still do it." She looked up at him from her place on his bare chest, sweat drops still running down both their bodies. "You still make my heart beat faster."

"Well, I am pretty to look at." He waggled his eyebrows at her.

She rolled her eyes and punched his chest. "I'm sorry I ever fought against you." She pushed herself up on one elbow and scanned his face, her fingers tracings patterns on his skin. "I should have known the first time I saw you."

"I think it made us stronger." He cocked his head to the side and smiled. "The waiting, the fighting, the longing. I think that's why we're so strong now, why we were strong from the start."

"You were right." She stroked his black hair backwards. "I knew once I gave into you, that there would be no way back. And it was true, there was no way back. Once I knew how it felt to be yours, I didn't want to be anyone else's anymore. Never again."

"When you told me it would always be Stefan, I knew you were lying." He smirked and shook his head. "How could you be his, when you were made for me?"

"I was a fool." She pushed herself up and pressed her lips against his. "I was afraid to love you. If I had given in sooner, I would have never had to miss you for all those years."

"But we're here now." He swallowed back the lump in his throat and pulled her body against his. "We made it, getting here, it was worth all the pain."

"I love you." She whispered against his skin.

"I love you more." He pressed his lips against her forehead.

"I'll let you win today." She chuckled. "But tomorrow I'm back to loving you the most."

"Deal." He smirked against her skin.

* * *

><p>"Auntie Lena." Miranda ran into her arms when she stepped into the kitchen. "We've been looking for you and uncle Damon."<p>

"Uhm." She scratched her head and blushed. "We were busy."

"Yeah.. yeah." Cooper rolled his eyes. "Quality time."

"Don't blame us for not getting any last night because your hands were too cold." Damon waggled his eyebrows at Cooper and Caroline. "I have vampire hearing too." He tapped his ear and grabbed the bottle of bourbon from the counter.

"Dinner is ready." Jenna clapped her hands and walked outside with the tray filled with plates. "Everyone to the beach."

"Coming?" Damon held his hand out for her.

"I'm just going to fresh up." She pushed herself up and kissed him.

"Did I worn you out completely?" He smirked against her lips. "Just wait until I get my hands on you tonight."

"You damn vampire." She smiled against his lips. "Always horny."

"It's not necessarily a vampire thing." He waggled his eyebrows. "It's a Damon-thing."

"I know." She whispered against his lips. "I've had another vampire."

"Don't make me think about that." He pecked her cheek.

"I'll be there in a minute." She leaned her forehead against his lips, knowing he would lean forward and press his lips against it.

"Wine or water?" He untangled their bodies and started walking to the back door.

"Water." She yelled after him. "You'll be drunk enough for the both of us."

"Elena wants wine." She heard him yell outside and rolled her eyes at him.

"Auntie Lena." Miranda grabbed her hand. "There is someone outside for you."

"Who?" She looked down at the little girl.

"I don't know." She shrugged her tiny shoulders. "But he knew my name."

"Okay, I'll see who it is." She patted the girl's hair. "I want you to go outside and get uncle Damon, okay?"

"Okay." Miranda nodded her head and started running to the back door.

She walked to the front door and pulled it open, stepping outside the lake house.

"Hello?" She looked around.

"Hello, Elena."

She turned around, her breath hitching in her throat, her heart beating frantically. His green eyes scanning her body. A face she never wanted to see again, had begged to never see again.

"It's been a long time." He looked up at her, fumbling with a set of keys in his hands.

"Five years, Stefan." She crossed her arms over her chest. "It hasn't been long enough."

"We heard you were staying here for the weekend." He pointed his chin to the lake house. "And we wanted to see you, see how you were doing."

"I'm doing great." She shrugged. "Happier than ever."

"Are you still with Damon?" His green eyes looked up at her.

"I'm still with Damon." She nodded her head. "He's going to be here any second."

"We wanted to tell you something." Stefan smiled. "That's why we're here."

"Who's we, Stefan?" She glared at him.

"Hi, Elena." A girl with brown hair, brown eyes came from around the corner.

"Bonnie." She whispered.

"I guess you're not so happy to see us?" She came to stand next to Stefan. "Are you still not ready to forgive us?"

"I think I'll never be ready for that." She shook her head.

"We thought we could ask for your forgiveness and Damon's." She patted her stomach. "And start over."

When Bonnie patted her stomach, Elena looked down, seeing the bump. "You're pregnant." She swallowed.

"Yes." Bonnie nodded. "I'm seven months along."

"I guess we have you to thank for this." Stefan placed his hands on Bonnie's stomach. "If you hadn't made me human then we would've never be able to get children."

"I didn't do it for you." She shook her head. "I did it so Damon and I don't have to look over our shoulders the whole time." She shrugged. "And in a few decades you'll both be gone and we won't have to worry about you anymore."

"Auntie Lena." A squealing Miranda ran out the front door and hugged her leg, her green eyes shimmering. "Uncle Damon said we don't have to go to summer camp and we can stay with you, but we have to ask you first."

"Of course you can stay with us." She ruffled the girl's hair. "I already told your mommy."

"Hi, Miranda." Stefan crouched in front of her. "I guess you don't remember me anymore."

"Get away from her before I rip your heart out." Damon closed the distance between the front door and where they were standing, Braydey on his shoulders.

Stefan stood up again, taking his place next to Bonnie.

"You have a lot of nerve, coming here." Damon stood still next to Elena and put Braydey on the ground. "Miranda, I want you to go inside and take your brother with you."

"But.." Miranda started protesting.

"Miranda." Damon looked at her, knowing she didn't want to mess with him at this moment.

"Okay." She grabbed her brother's hand. "Come on, Braydey."

Four pair of eyes watched until the children stepped inside the lake house again.

"What are you doing here?" Damon looked at Stefan, his arm wrapping around Elena's waist.

"We wanted to tell you that you're going to be an uncle." Stefan pointed to Bonnie's round stomach.

"I'm already an uncle." Damon smirked. "And I'm already babysitting enough."

"We just want her to know her family." Bonnie shook her head and looked at Elena. "She's your family too, we've always been sisters."

"We were." Elena nodded her head. "But not anymore, not after what you did."

"We're sorry." The former witch shook her head. "We know now how wrong we were."

"It's a shame you didn't know that when you took him away from me." She wrapped her arm tighter around Damon's waist.

"We thought we were doing the right thing." Stefan shook his head. "We wanted to protect you."

"You didn't protect me." She whispered. "You just took what you wanted and removed what you didn't want, what you didn't want to be."

"We want her to know her family." Bonnie patted her stomach again. "Maybe she can play with Jenna's children. Maybe they can be friends like we once were."

"That child is not coming near those children." Damon spoke through clenched teeth. "You're not coming anywhere near those children. They're like my own and I don't want two lunatics like you anywhere near my kids."

"But this will be your niece too." Stefan shook his head and looked up at his brother.

"No." Damon let out a hard laugh. "You're not my family anymore, you stopped being my brother a long time ago."

"Come on." Elena took his arm. "We're wasting time here."

Bonnie called her back when she turned around. "You were right about Jeremy, it was my fault."

"It was." She nodded her head. "But it's too late for that, he's gone."

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"I'm sorry I ever believed you were my friend." Elena turned around, dragging Damon with her.

* * *

><p>"Why did you yell at my daughter?" Alaric stood with crossed arms in the kitchen, pointing his gaze at Damon.<p>

"I didn't yell at her." He shrugged. "Where is she?"

"You raised your voice." Miranda came from behind the corner, her eyes red and puffy from crying. "You never get mad at us."

"Sweetie." Damon crouched in front of her and wiped the tears out her face. "I wasn't mad at you."

"No?" She whispered and looked up at Damon with her wide brown eyes.

"No." He shook his head and pinched her cheek. "How can I be mad at such a pretty girl like you."

A smile appeared on the girl's face.

Damon held his arms open for her. "Friends?" He studied her face.

"Best friends." She walked in his embrace and wrapped her small arms around his neck.

"You can eat my dessert, okay?" He stroked the girl's hair out of her face and started walking to the back door.

"Like he would eat that piece of cake." Alaric rolled his eyes.

"That means I'll only have one piece." Elena stomped her foot.

"What happened out there?" Alaric studied her face.

"Bonnie and Stefan were here." She swallowed back the lump in her throat. "That's why he raised his voice, he wanted them to go inside but Miranda started protesting."

"I guess I should thank him." Alaric looked outside to were Miranda sat on Damon's lap, eating his dessert. "I don't want those two anywhere near my children."

"That's what he said." She smiled at Alaric.

"Are you okay?" Alaric wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

She nodded her head. "They're out of our lives now, let's keep it that way."

"Come on." Alaric started dragging her to the terrace. "You can have my dessert."

"You're the best pseudo stepfather ever." She leaned her head against his shoulder and stepped outside with him.

"How can you forgive him so quickly?" Cooper looked at Miranda. "He yelled at you."

"Uncle Damon wasn't mad." Miranda looked up from Damon's lap and chewed fiercely on his piece of cake.

"He yelled at you." Cooper extended a wooden spoon. "You should be mad at him, just stake it in his heart."

"Uncle Coop." The girl shook her head and rolled her eyes. "You're crazy."

"Just do me a favor and stake him with it." Coop pushed the spoon in Miranda's direction.

"Braydey." Damon looked at the boy that sat beside him. "Get a cookbook for your uncle Coop, witches like recipes that should keep him quiet for a while."

"Okay." Braydey jumped off his chair and ran into the kitchen.

"I'll buy you a game boy if you stake him, okay?" Cooper waggled the spoon in Miranda's direction.

"What's a game boy?" Miranda turned to Damon.

"Like the Wii I bought you but smaller." Damon ruffled her hair. "You're uncle Coop doesn't know that game boy's aren't cool anymore like in his young days."

"At least I can still remember my young days." Cooper glared at him. "They're not that long ago."

"At least I'm still a stud." Damon smirked. "And you're just.. wrinkled."

"Are you causing trouble again?" Elena placed a kiss on Damon's temple. "Maybe I should give you a time-out."

"Can you put him with me in the corner?" Damon looked at Cooper. "I want to see him faint again."

"I told you a thousand times." Cooper threw his arms up in frustration. "I used too much magic."

"He really thinks he's a witch." Miranda whispered in Damon's ear.

"Told you, he's crazy." Damon shook his head.

"Saltzmans, I think it's time for your bath." Jenna picked Miranda up from Damon's lap, already holding Braydey's hand.

"Are you going to read us a story?" Miranda looked at Elena.

"Come get me when you're ready for bed." She nodded.

"With sounds." Braydey looked up at her.

"I can't do the sounds." She shook her head. "You'll have to ask Damon."

"Sounds?" The boy looked up at Damon.

"If your aunt reads I'll do the sounds." He ruffled his hair. "But first you need a bath."

"What sounds is he talking about?" Caroline looked at the both of them. "We can use some tips for when we have our little one."

Damon looked up at Elena and scratched his hair. "This is not good."

* * *

><p>"So you two are having a kid?" Damon hugged Elena closer to his body and looked at Cooper and Caroline. "Is that responsible?"<p>

"We're adults, Damon." Caroline rolled her eyes.

"You never became an adult." He mocked her and pointed his chin to Cooper. "And he's already approaching his retirement."

"I just found the spell a few days ago." Cooper shrugged. "I wanted to tell Elena before we decided anything."

Elena looked up from her place on his chest. "I wanted to tell you about it." She whispered and locked their eyes. "But I don't need kids." She shook her head. "I have you, that's all I want."

"It's okay." He nodded his head and pressed his cheek against hers, staring into the campfire. "We have kids." He pressed a kiss against her cheek. "We stole them from your aunt and my best friend but we have kids."

She chuckled and snuggled herself deeper in his embrace. "And in a few months we'll probably have another one."

"Damon isn't coming anywhere near my kid." Cooper pointed his finger at him.

"You're just worried he'll like me better than you." Damon rolled his eyes. "But just so you know, a boy needs a strong male figure in his life."

"And what do you mean by that?" Cooper put his hands on his hips.

"That's exactly what I mean." Damon pointed his chin to Cooper's hands.

"Bedtime story." Miranda and Braydey ran on the beach, throwing themselves at Damon and Elena.

* * *

><p>"One more." Braydey clapped his hands.<p>

"No." Damon kissed his forehead and tucked him under. "My lips can't handle more sounds."

"Okay." The boy yawned and snuggled into his pillow, clutching the teddy bear to his chest.

"Love you." He stroked the boy's brown hair out of his face.

"Love you too." Braydey's eyes started to flutter.

"And now you, miss hyper active." Damon turned around to where Elena was sitting next to Miranda on the bed.

"Uncle Damon, you need to go." Miranda nodded her head seriously.

"I need to go?" Damon asked offended.

"Yes." She nodded her head. "I need to have a girls talk with auntie Lena."

"I wouldn't want to interrupt a girls talk." He shook his head.

"But you can tuck me in." She giggled.

"Well at least I get to do something." He took the comforter from the end of the bed and dragged it over her body.

"Good night, uncle Damon." She held her arms out for him.

"Good night, princess." He hugged her and pressed a kiss on her forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too." She whispered. "And I knew you wouldn't let mommy send us to the camp."

"You're going with us." He pinched her cheek. "There's no way I could miss you two for a month."

"Are you going?" She looked up at him through her long lashes. "It's girls talk."

"Sure." He nodded. "I'll let Coop know."

Miranda chuckled and Elena punched his chest. "Get out of here, you mad man."

"I love you too, mad woman." He kissed her temple and showered the side of her face with kisses before turning to Miranda. "Make sure she's in my bed by midnight."

Miranda nodded her head and watched her uncle disappear through the door.

"So what's the girls talk about?" Elena stroked the girl's hair.

"Why didn't you want me to talk to that lady and that man?" She looked up at her. "I saw pictures of you and them from my baby shower, mommy showed me."

"And do you know who that man is?" Elena swallowed back the lump in her throat.

She nodded her head. "Mommy said you and he were together before you and uncle Damon. But that's just weird. You and uncle Damon were always together."

"And did she say something else?" Elena smiled.

"She said that he did bad things." Miranda clutched the sheet to her. "And that he took uncle Damon away from you."

"He did." Elena nodded her head.

"Is he taking uncle Damon away from us now?" Tears started to form in the girl's eyes.

"No." Elena shook her head fiercely. "Uncle Damon isn't going anywhere."

"And what if the bad man takes him away?" She whispered.

"I won't let him do that." Elena stroked her cheek. "He did that once but I'll never let him do that again."

"How did you get him back?" Miranda looked up at her.

"Do you know why always ask you if you said your prayers?" She stroked the girl's hair. "It's because I prayed every night for uncle Damon to come back and after a long time, he did."

"So you and uncle Damon will never leave?" A smile appeared on the girl's face.

"Maybe we will but we'll always come back." Elena smiled. "We'll just be a phone call away."

"Okay." She nodded her head. "Goodnight auntie."

"Goodnight, Sweetie." She pressed a kiss on her forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

><p>"I thought girls talk started when they're twelve, not when they're five." Damon shook his head in confusion.<p>

She sat down in the sand next to him and leaned her head against his shoulder. "She was just worried."

"About what?" He leaned his cheek against her forehead.

"It's like she feels we're going to leave." She pulled his hand in hers.

"We don't have to." He kissed her forehead. "There's still time."

"No." She shook her head and crawled on top of him, pushing his back in the sand. "I want to do this now."

"Are you sure you're ready?" He looked up at her. "Forever is a big deal."

"I've been sure for years." She rolled her eyes. "It's you that doesn't want to do it."

"You can still have it you know." He started playing with the strings of her dress. "The husband, the kids, the dog."

She sighed. "I want forever with you. There is nothing else I want. I wanted it the day you left me and I still wanted it that day I found you in Atlanta."

"I never told you what you promised." He looked up at her, his eyes shimmering with that dangerous glint.

"What did I promise?" She put her hands on his chest.

"To love me forever." He pulled her head down and kissed her. "Never be anyone else's, be mine forever." He whispered. "I know I'm always saying that you should marry a human but that day.. " He shook his head. "I got you back and I couldn't say it. I was selfish and I let your promise it because it was what I needed to hear."

"We're getting forever, baby." She pushed her lips against his. "I'll love you forever."

"I guess then you're going to need this." He pulled a box out his pocket and opened it for her, revealing a silver ring with a lapis lazuli stone like his.

"Where did you get that?" She shook her head in disbelief.

"I got it eleven years ago from Lucy." He stroked her hair back. "She told me about the blood in your system before the fight and handed me the ring. She said if I survived that I should marry you because you were prepared to let everyone die for me. Her exacts words were, you don't find a girl like that everyday."

She chuckled and looked up at him. "I love you so much." She shook her head. "There was never anyone else."

"You and me." He looked at her, the same look he had given her eleven years ago in the mirror, the same look they had shared when he had showed up six years ago behind her in the mirror, the same look she would see for the rest of forever.

"We're perfect."


End file.
